It is a rare occasion when two newly founded Blood Bowl teams playing their third game of the season draw a crowd of 25 thousand spectators. But on the other hand, considering that the most expensive painting (throughout the ages amazing amounts have been paid for this work of art even though it is partly unfinished, as Pigsasso died of a stroke while putting finishing touches on the work - the artist was found lying in front of his masterpiece with a giant grin on his face) in the world is Vincent van Pigsasso's "Closeups of hot, oiled and sweaty female bodies wrestling among themselves and glistening in the sun while the crowd cheers" depicts a Blood Bowl match between two amazonian teams, it is no surpise that this kind of a record crowd was achieved today in a match between amazonian Gothia Empresses and another amazonian team Cougar Kittens. Match between two amazonian teams truly is a sight that every man should wittness if only once in their life.
To the delight of the crowd game started in sweltering heat guaranteeing that players on both team had to start the game oiled with protective sun lotions. This reporter was on the game and I can even now see the sight at the opening kick-off in my mind: as the sweat started dripping down the bodies of the players and mixing in with the oil, the players bodies started to glisten and shine, uniforms could sometimes be seen sliding away and revealinggggggggggg
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We are sorry to inform you that your regular reporter has suffered a mild stroke. He was found on his desk holding a picture of one of Pigsasso's most famous artworks and this unfinished match report. For safety reasons rest of the match report will be brought to you by a reporter who was not present at the game and has gathered the events of the game from local hospital where a large part of the spectators for this match was taken due to exhaustion caused by an elevated pulse and extensive sweating and eye bulging.
From what could be gathered from the eye-witnesses to the match between Gothia Empresses and Cougar Kittens, it was the Empresses that were the first to receive the ball. Their thrower, ms. Androxaida quickly gathered up the ball from their backfield and advanced to left side of the midcourt. Kittens' defence on the left side forced ms Androxaida to turn center where she handed the ball to a Gothian linewoman who then started to advance along the right side of the field. At this point she was however taken down by the Kitten blitzer Marcia Bree. It would seem that ms. Bree was upset about her fellow team mate Teri Susan getting credit in press reports for the amazing interception and touchdown in Kittens last game when it was in fact ms. Bree had made this remarkable play. Eager to prove herself, ms. Bree knocked down the Empress ball carrier, gathered up the ball and started a run for the goal line. At this point spectator reports get a bit hazy, it would seem that most of the crowd was not watching the Kitten blitzer advancing to goal line with two other Kittens protecting her run. Instead they were more interesting in following closely the efforts of rest of the Kittens who were trying to keep the Empresses from following Marcia Bree. This was achieved by tackling, wrestling, blocking and otherwise womanhandling the other side's players. However, according to official match statistics ms. Bree scored the touchdown just before the half ended. Also according to records, Empress linewoman, ms. Mantamer was also taken off the field after suffering a broken jaw caused by a block from Kitten Blitzer Teri Susan. The scored touchdown resulted in a another kick-off just before the half-time. It is safe to assume that nothing interesting happened at this second kick-off, although there were numerous detailed eye-wittness reports about the mid-court tussle between three Kitten lineplayers and most of the Gothia Empresses team. There may have been numerous wardrobe malfunctions with some of players, although it also possible that these reports are result of over-geared imaginations of the spectators.
To the disappointment of the crowd, heat eased at the half time and weather returned back to ideal. Now it was Cougar Kittens' turn to start the attack. The ball landed at the right side of the field, near the midcourt. There it was picked up by Kittens' latest recruit, quarterback Joan Montana. Ms. Montana however was not yet to demonstrate her throwing skills, instead she started a long run towards the goal along the right side of the field. She was efficiently protected by her team mates who formed a dense protective cage around her and took down all the Empresses trying to break through. As ms. Montana was running along the sidelines, the eye witness reports provided were quite detailed. It would seem that there was lot of heaving of chest areas, puffing of lips, flexing of various body parts and hair-tossing going on. At the mid-point of the second half the crowd was to be disappointed by seeing ms. Montana and four other Kittens breaking away to middle of the field. After the ball was taken to middle, Kitten cage loosened and Empress players managed to put some pressure on the ball. Joan Montana however managed to score the Kittens' second touchdown just after the midpoint of the second half.
Empresses had still enough time to score when they got the ball third time. Their thrower, ms Adroxaida was again the first one to get to ball that had landed deep down Empresses side of the field. While she ran to the middle and passed to ball to a team-mate at midcourt, two of her team mates were trying to break-through the Kittens' defensive line. They were trying to get to the endzone for a chance to get a last minute TD pass attempt. Kittens however succeeded in bringing the first intended receiver down and tying the second one down with pressure from three Kitten players. The second half ended when the the Empress players tried to dodge through the three Kittens and was quickly brought down by the tackling skills of Kitten blitzers. End result was identical to the last two matches of Cougar Kittens, 2-0 victory for the Kittens.
Off character comments: ToFex80 had a bad dice day. Most of his key rolls failed which gave me couple of good chances. Lots of failed dodges, skulls after reroll was already used, double pushbacks rerolled into double pushback and even a failed apotechary roll.