Norsca Union League

Here it is, the much awaited Sign-up for the NUL season 19! Only one semis match and the final match is left of S18 so S19 will probably start around second week of April or thereabouts.

Official Stuff
----------------------------
- This is the 2nd season from the set of 3, so this will be TV limited. TV limit will be same as with the team with the highest TV from S18 that will continue into S19. At the moment, highest S18 team TV is 18xx (Phin Phighters who at the moment have one skill roll to make), so the limit will probably be around 1800. Just to remind everybody, the rules for the TV value stuff are HERE.
- Only new teams or teams that have been played in previous NUL-leagues.
- League will be played with normal 1 match week per 1 real-time week pace.
- As last season, we'll be enforcing the rule that if you don't show up to play a game on agreed time AND you don't tell about your absense at least an hour before the match in the forum, you'll forfeit the game with an 2-0 admin loss to your opponent who is waiting for you.
- ALL NEW COACHES ARE WELCOME! This is your chance of glory by starting every game with treasure trove of incentives! Start a goblin team and start practicing how to spend 1 000 000 gold pieces in incentives in three minutes!

INSTRUCTIONS FOR NEW COACHES:
1. Read the introductory thread with the explanation on league structure HERE.
2: Create an account on this forum. Note that due to high activity from spam-bots, admins have to approve your account before you can post here. This shouldn't take longer than a day or two.
3: Post a reply in this thread that you want to join.
4: Read the "Essential rules" section HERE and post a reply in that thread that you have understood the rules.
5: The admin team will add you on the participant list in this post.

OLD Coaches now the drill, just tell what team you'll be taking to the trophy hunt.

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I'll continue with Da Beatmores as Lennyn and McCargnagey are right now at the studio scheming up new hit songs and winning plays.

Sign Ups:
01. J-Reedy - Da Beatmores (Orc)
02. The Golden Arrow - Discworld Allstars (Dark Elf)
03. Kvasilad - Phin Phigters (Lizardmen)
04. Barmution - Emperor's New Boots (Human)
05. Equilibri - World of Cheese (Skaven)
06. Mr. B. - Dark Souls II (Vamps)
07. Gnaarkill - OKWF (Ogre)
08. Hakos - another international team of mystery that might have been seen previously or maybe not (?)
09. Lars - Jummy Sounds (Chaos Dwarfs)
10. ...

There we go. Only the best and brightest have made it so far and it is time to see which two teams are bester and brighter. Will the Emperor get new lizard-skinned boots? Will vamps succeed against the combined powers of the discworld? Those and many more questions will be answered!

Congrats to the semifinalists. Play on, mates!

Got carried away with the S17 recap, sorry for the delay for all those who might've waited it around Wednesday. Here it goes:


THUS IT WAS that on the appearance of the 17th northern moon the northern ones gathered again to find the one that would triumph and wail on those that would fall. And behold the ones that came: The fierce orcs of New Orc Gitz and Tha Freebooterz so determined. The goblins swarmed, the Pirates of Old World coming from sea, tha Zlluga boys running from the mountains and Warpstone Plumbers rising from their underworld caverns. From the mountains the dwarfs came, In search of Snow white, with determination and iron strong will. And chaos also ensued as the ColaChaos arrived and the Mad Science Fair appeared. Even the most northern of the northmen, the Fantasy Armor Inc. came, in their shiny armors and beards a 'flowing. And then the ground itself cracked open and the dead rose again, the NattBowlarna taking the field with fire burning in their hollow eyes. And so it began, the ferocious race for the crown of Norsca Union League...

- Excellent! That's just how it happened, it's like you were there! But I don't quite understand why you put that bit about whaling in there?
- Whaling? Oh, WAILING, well we can change that to something more clearly enunciateable if you want.
- No, no nuns needed. That is fine, just leave it as is. That's very good.
- As I said, sir, just tell us truth and we'll sing it the way it its more advantageous to your purpose.
- I knew that you mad men were good, but that was just beautiful!
- We prefer to be called the brothers of Monastery of Advantageous Detruthing, if you wouldn't mind, sir.
- So, you're a family business? I thought you were like all other monasteries, taking in all who wanted to leave the sexy stuff behind. Well, not all, I hear that those monks from the monastery of the Grinning Happy Blissful Place Next to Heaven have very lax rules about copulation. You know, it's that monastery right next to the nunnery of Voluptuous Nympho Vixens. Very popular monastery that is. But all brothers then? Looks like your mum was busy. Oh, or was it that your dad was a player, you know, all notch, notch, wink, wink? No need to answer, that's family business. So, mad bros, right, got it!
- *sigh* All right sir, that was the prelude as we call it. How would you like to continue? You said you wanted a thorough recap of the past NUL season. Do you prefer going team by team or by match weeks?
- Hmm, what say you Nip... Gippy, by team or by weeks?
- Ahm... I thought there were no bye weeks this season, mr. G...
- BROM! Call me Mr. Brom, don't you forget that, Nip... Gippy! No need for my title of g... ga... gallantriousnessly handsome! All right, let's take it team by team!
- Do you prefer ascending or descending order of success?
- Let's start from the bottom, I do like bottoms, never been a tit man.
- ... Yes... So, tell me who was the unfortunate last place finisher and what happened to them.
- Yeah, that would be the pirate goblins. Let's see, they sailed around and almost got lost once on their way to the match. Played couple of draws, lost the rest. Hired Ripper, that's the star troll player, in case you didn't know, few times, got him killed two - or was it three- times. Let's see, what else? Oh, yeah! They had that troll that scored a touchdown once! And they got their troll killed on the latter days of the season. So nothing special, very goblin-like season. Lots of casualties... on them, couple of nice gobbo toss TDs.
- So it was something like this, sir?

The pirates from the old world, the stormy green menace of all that dare wander on sea, abandoned their ships and swarmed on the shores of north. Bravely they fought, the pirates of blue waters turn heroes of green fields, turning stars onto legends that never die. The true wanderers of seas they played like they sailed, going boldly against the strongest of tides, braving the fiercest of storms, flying through the air like their ships on the raging seas, taking on all that came against and never breaking. But alas, the golden crown of the champion eluded the goblin folk and the farers of sea returned to their home, the sea that raged on like the ever burning fire in their hearts.

- Yes, yes! That's it, that's good. Really nice! Can you do the same to the other goblin teams? I don't remember which one of them finished next, but it was one of them, either the Zlluga Boyz or the underworlders.
- I'm sure we can do something, just tell us about their season, sir.
- All right, the Zllugas... Hmm... They won against the other two gobo teams, lost the rest but came damn close to drawing few of those losses. Got their bomber and pogoer killed. Oh, they dominated passing stats, they really let those bombs fly. Got their trollies starred up nicely, true twin towers those two, Beerbelly and Duh they were called, I think. What else? Do you remember anything, Nip... Gippy?
- Mm... Not much, Mr. Bronk. But my mum said that all those goblin teams had a virgin's chance in brothel getting away intact.
- Well, your mother's always been the sage like in her wisdom. Gobbos had it tough. Like the Warpstone Plumbers, they might've had a chance but they were just getting beaten up right from the start. You see, they started the season against the orcs and got 10 casualties whupped on them. And that wasn't even the highest total, dwarfs injured dozen of them. But still they managed three ties and one win, even though their star blitz rat got killed.
- I think that's enough for us, sir. Take it away, brothers.

Under the ground came the alliance of two with bitterness and hate buried away shallow. One so furry and strong, other so cunning and sharp, they rose from the deep and took the field. Bravely they stood, taking the blows, split among their own, united in their will to win. But with their ranks cracking, came their enemy smacking. Back home to deep was the best among them destined to go, leaving the ranks of the living, joining the souls of heroes past. Fight, fight, fight, was the destiny of these dwellers of deep, but to no avail – though victors once, closely matched thrice, there was no golden crown willing to go deep down.

Waaagh! Waaagh! The keen fighters, warriors vicious, the goblins of Zlluga came a 'yelling. Taking the field the small ones fought along with the two brothers of rock and muscle. Close they fought, ever so close to winning the crown. Champions of air, from above they attacked, raining boom and fire on enemies and friends alike. The cunning little ones flying and jumping, two giants relentlessly smashing and trashing. The best the goblins could wield were the Zlluga, standing tallest among the green swarms. But no, there would be no crowns on the brow of the champions of goblin folk, for the unbeaten among their own, still found victors to their cunning from the north so strong. So back home was the band of war to return, leaving their hunger for crown still to burn.

- Wonderful! Well, I guess it's easy for you to churn out all those beautiful verses with my inspiring thoughts and insights to draw inspiration from.
- I assure, we can get a shine out of any turd, sir. Shall we continue?
- Yeah, let's strike while the iron is hot! ... You know, I never really understood that saying. Why would you strike when the iron was hot? Wouldn't you hurt your fist on the hot iron? Shouldn't it be "let's strike while the iron is soft"?
- I think the axiom you mentioned relates to blacksmithing, sir...
- Oh, you mean it's about blacksmith striking the iron with an axe? Yeah, that makes more sense... Kind of. All right, onwards! Then there were the orcs and dwarfs all bunched up together. Those orcs from the New Orc City had trouble getting over the hump, they tied four times and won once. Guess living in big city softens up the orcs though, I mean these guys had to retire two black orcs and two of them got killed, one of them blitzer. The other orcs, Freebooterz only got their troll and lineorc killed and got damn close to making the playoffs. That thrower of them, Galber, was their true star, faster, stronger and more agile than any orc thrower I've ever seen. Almost won the most casualties award. They only lost three matches, won four. The New Orcers had to forfeit their game against da 'Booterz , I hear it was something to do with a goblin smashing into these two big towers in the city while testing his new flyer, the buildings came tumbling down of course, orc buildmanship you know. I've always said that if you want something build good, call the dwarfs. They could be slow getting there, quite understandable with those short legs and long beards, that's a killer of a combo, real tripalooza. And they might need ladders for all the low-up work but they are reliable and sturdy. Like that In search of snow white team. Do you know that they only lost teams that made the playoffs? They came damn close to making it too. And they were the only team not to get any of their players killed, talk about durable. And they scored second most casualties. Was there anything else? Oh yeah, the New Orcers got an interception! Only two intercepts in the league whole season and clumsy greenskins are the one to get one of them. Can you think of anything, Nip... Gippy? Maybe something your mum said about these guys?
- Ahem... Well, not really, Mr. Bron. Mum doesn't like to talk about orcs 'cause she says she always sees red looking or even thinking about orcs. I never knew that mum was red-green color blind before she said that.
- I see, damn shame. Those insights from your folks are really valuable material. Well, can't help it. Can you make something out of that, mad bros?
- ... Brothers of Monastery of Advantageous Detruthing, if you don't mind, sir. Hmm, maybe something like this...
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Looks like there's a length limit for posts (20k characters, so have to cut this in halfsies...)

Here we haves it! The Final! Or Da Final in orkish! And this year, it's pure bullish chaos with two star minotaurs with their supporting cast going at each other. Once again, congratulations to the finalists and play on!

And so it begins...

...and there can be only one. Or two. After this round, I mean. Then there can be only. But now two... Which will then be one. I'm talking of teams here, if you didn't catch it. Or winners actually. Yes, there can be only one winner! Or two actually... In this round. But after that there can be only one winner. Yes! After this round has been played, there can be only one winner! I think that's it.

OK, as the most enthusiastic have already started picking teams, it's time to kick off the signup for the Season 18:

Official Stuff
----------------------------
- This season is for new (or relatively new) teams so there will be a TV limit of 1200.
- Only new teams or teams that have been played in previous NUL-leagues.
- League will be played with normal 1 match week per 1 real-time week pace.
- As last season, we'll be enforcing the rule that if you don't show up to play a game on agreed time AND you don't tell about your absense at least an hour before the match in the forum, you'll forfeit the game with an 2-0 admin loss to your opponent who is waiting for you.
- ALL NEW COACHES ARE WELCOME! This is your chance of glory with everyone on an even start!

INSTRUCTIONS FOR NEW COACHES:
1. Read the introductory thread with the explanation on league structure HERE.
2: Create an account on this forum. Note that due to high activity from spam-bots, admins have to approve your account before you can post here. This shouldn't take longer than a day or two. And please don't use any id's or e-mail addresses that look spambotty like (e.g. "adman745" or "erxcvethxddy") or you might be mistaken as a bot.
3: Post a reply in this thread that you want to join.
4: Read the "Essential rules" section HERE and post a reply in that thread that you have understood the rules.
5: The admin team will add you on the participant list in this post.

OLD Coaches now the drill, just tell what team you'll be taking to the trophy hunt.

ABOUT THE TIMETABLE
Season 17 regular season should wrap up by the end of November and then it's just 2 rounds of playoffs. Let's give about week for the team signups in the game, so we should be able to get the season 18 going somewhere around the second/third week of December.

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I will join with a new team. I'll pick some race I haven't played before or have played just a little and which nobody else has chosen.

Sign Ups:
1. Kvasilad - The Phin Phighters (Lizardmen)
2. Equilibri - World of Cheese (Skaven)
3. J-Reedy - Da Beatmores (Orcs) - might change if somebody else takes the orcs (as I'm a proponent for diversity with the teams)
4. Mr B - ? (Vampires)
5. The Golden Arrow - ? (Dark Elfs maybe)
6. Kezerk - Kauppaopiston Opet (Vampires)
7. Gnaarkill - Ogre Kingdoms Wrestling Federation (Ogre)
8. Barmution - The Emperor's New Boots (Human)
9. Hakos - FC Excelsior (High Elfs)
10. Lars - ? (Chaos Dwarfs)
11. Luiggi - ? (Goblins)
12. Muller71 - Beerbelly (Dwarfs)
13. ... your name and team here! ...

And the new SEASON IS ON! Let's see... Hmm, looks like this is the greenest season ever, with four fully green teams and one half green, half furry. No pointy ears at all and over it seems like that in this league finesse will mean that you wipe your hands clean after you've made bloody pulp of your opponent. How about the opening matchups? New Orc City has their own twin-towers - you know, those tall chickeen coops - but they're also getting a visit from team with twin-towers of their own, the question here is if the buzzle of the big city lights will prove to be too lively for the night bowlers. Goblin pirate ships will be put into test, I gues we'll see if they can swim in cola or if the chaos bunch will have sharp enough claws to puncture the hulls of the little green ones. Then there's the equal-opportunity employers of Underworld who'll host the all-green team, interesting start with the coaches from the final of last season going at each other. What else? Well, it looks like the dwarfs have gotten a hint that Snow White might be hanging around in the the science fair, interesting to see if the shorties will prove to be too stubborn for lab experements. And finally, it's the Zlluga gobbos against the norse mannequins, previous matches have resulted in a draw and a victory for the fantastic armour manufacturer, so maybe it's a time for the goblin triumph this time.

PLAY ON!

- WELLCOME DEAR LISTENERS! I'm Gron Grumbundy and this is BLOOD SPORTS SPOTLIGHT - THE magicast for all you folks interested in NORSCA UNION LEAGUE! Today we'll do a recap of the first match week of the new NUL Season. I also have a special treat for you! We're joined by the famous Blood Bowl recearcher, professor I.P. Buckets! Welcome, dear professor!
- Hmmh. I assure you gron, I'm not a professor of deeralogy, I know nothing of deers as I got my doctorships from Blood Bowlalogism and Massacresmith. Although, I've studied antlers a bit, to get a better understanding of the advantages that horned players have on the field.
- Yes, and it's just that interesting combination of different fields of study that have made you so popular! The way you combine the art of massacre in you Blood Bowl analysis really interestingly! I mean a Blood Bowl enthusiastic can not be considered a true connessoir of the game until he has read your masterpieces, The Analysis of Gutting Process of Lustrian Lizard Hunters and The Big Book of Big Guy Bashing Prowess. Once more, professor, thank you for joining us, I'm truly inspired.
- Well, thank you Gron. I must first say that this first match week of NUL or league 178 as it goes in my analysis - you see, I track over 200 Blood Bowl leagues - seemed even more violent than usually, the casually average was really high compered to the mean number of 2,6 casualties per match that is to be expected.
- Oh yes, professor, that was just one of the issues I wanted to bring up! We had quite a start for the season when the last season's finalist team Da Freeboooterz whupped the underworld's pride Warpstone Plumbers 2 to 1 in touchdowns. Nothing special about that, but the casualties! Eight of them!
- What? Off what?
- What?
- You said someone ate off something? Well, can't really say about that not knowing enough about the food vendors at the Underworld Arena, but I'm guessing the most popular food for consumption down there would be rats. Only one of the reasons why there's so usually much tension between the skavens and goblins of underworld teams. But enough of the food, don't know why you brought that up. You also mentioned casualties, Gron. This match had the biggest discrepancy between the casualties scored by teams, as the orcs managed to injure 8 players of the skaven-goblins while none of the orcs were casualtied. I think that this was mostly due to the insight that the orcs have on goblin anatomy and I'm not sure, but I think that the new orc player of the Freeboooters might have underworld origins, so it's only natural that he would know how to hurt the skavens, as witnessed by that magnificent foul that he laid on Lesuk the skaven blitzer. Very inspired and entertaining performance, using steel-toed boots of the prone player as a weapon - classical goblin play matter of fact, first the goblin nicks something sharp from the victim and then smashes him in the head with it.
- Ahem, yes, as you brought up goblins, let's continue with the second match of the week, Zlluga Boys going against Fantasy Armor Inc. Another 2-1 result there with the norse side getting the win but many were surprised as the casualties were split 3-3. What's your opinion about that big but, professor?
- Interesting nickname for Finnjävle, haven't heard that before, but I guess that's accurate, he does have quite a big butt, when compared to average norse size. Yes, Fantasy Armor's Big Butt wasn't up to his high standards, only managing one injury and then getting injured himself later in the match. This was a classical example of a that how one player can make a difference, Gritkrot the Fanatic was on fire - not literally of course, that would be silly, ligthting oneself on fire, doesn't work unless you have some demon blood, although I must confess that the halfling team Baker Boys of Baker Street Bakery were quite succesfull that season when they carried those portable charcoal grills on their backs and cooked meat pies on them during game, kept their casualty rate down quite effectively as they tossed the meat pies to the jaws of all ogres and trolls that tried to eat them, yes, I must admit that the fire aspect worked there but I also must stress that they didn't light themselves on fire. Yes, fine play with the ball and chain!
- What an insight! So if I understand you correctly, you dont' think that this was a catastrophy game for the norse side?
- Don't be silly! They don't hand out trophies in the regular season games! And there's no trophy that features a feline's backside! The closest thing to such trophy would be the Squig's Snothole that is given out in the Lakeland League to the most hated player of the league. But no cat butts, I assure you!
- ...ahmm, all right... WELL! Let's take a look at the third game of the week where the Mad Science Fair proved that little chaos triumps over your ordinary dwarf tactics. In search of snow white had hired Morg for the game but he was knocked out early so the vanilla dwarfs were left under-dwarfed and under-strength for most of the match while the chaos folk by all reports had a phenomenal blocking day. Touchdowns 2 to 0 and casualties 3 against 2. And let's talks the fourth match also at this point - ColaChaos beat the Old World pirates 2-0 in TDs and 8-2 in casualties with BullyCao being responsible for 7 of those injuries. So, professor, in light of these results, I wanted to ask if you thinks this the start of the chaos reign in the NUL?
- No.
- How can you be so sure, professor?
- Well, for first, NUL doesn't don't have any Lustrian teams this season, and Lustria is the only region where they have rain season. Most of the league's teams come from regions with temperate climate, so prolonged rain is not to be expected, and I'd estimate there being about 1 in 12 chance of rain in any match this season. And secondly, rain is chaotic by nature, there are so many outside factors that influence the rain fall - you know the old saying that a goblin's fart in Badlands could cause thundersorm in Kislev. That is the popularisation of the flatulance theory that has proved the chaotic nature of rain. So when you say "chaos rain" it sounds as stupid as "wet water" or " dumb troll".
- ... I stand corrected, professor. Let me ask you another question. Do you think that the chaos teams will do good in NUL this season?
- Hhmmm... That's is an interesting question. Chaos gods tend to be considered evil by common analysis, but they are also chaotic, so I'm guessing there is a chance that the chaotic randomness can cause some good by accident. But I think your getting too philosophical here, Gron. Let's stick to Blood Bowl! Very succesful week for the chaos sides, the two teams really showed the two different ways injuries and knock-outs can help you win the game. You can either target and take out the key player as the Science Fair did or try to go for indiscriminate mass extinction as the Colas.
- What about their opponents? Do you have any piece of insight for them?
- Inside from what?
- What?
- Well, I guess you're referring to the fact that most peas grow inside pods. But I'm not into farming, and I must confess that peas give me gas, so I wouldn't be growing peas if I was interested in farming.
- Yeeess.... Ahem, about the Pirate goblins, professor. Do you think that the little naval skills that the pirates have could be have some use on the Blood Bowl field?
- Oh, do the goblins have some special skills concerning belly buttons? Oh yes, I think some of them have navel piercings, yes... Didn't know that doing those required special skills, so I'm not really prepared to answer that thoroughly but I think that any extra knowledge about the abdominal region and piercing through navels could be used to cause extra hurt for opponents but that I think that it would require use of sharp instruments and those are banned from the field - not that they aren't used, of course. Players will try to smuggle in anything they find useful but the refs are quite good at spotting any dangerous instruments. But for example, who could forget the legendary halfling blocker Froddo "Baggs-em-in" Bilbo, the master of smuggling. He used to work as a jewelry liberator in the Marienburg markets and he used the skills acquired there quite succesfully. They still talk about that game where he smuggled in - in his person - knuckledusters for whole team, three daggers, iron anvil, three dozen chicken pies - he ate them all during the game, which I consider to be almost as impressive as the smuggling aspect - warhammer and an olifant! That must've been a sight.
- ...Thank you, professor, for that PIECE OF INSIGHT. Well, one match left and that would be the only draw of the round. 1 td and 1 casualty for both teams in the New Orc Gitz versus the Nattbowlarna matchup. How about it, professor, why didn't either of these teams manage to out-muscle the another one?
- What an apt figure of speech, Gron. Truly inspired, out-mussel! Yes, both offensive lines seemed tight as a clam, so defences had hard time trying to open them. I must say I started to worry that you had lost your mind with all the silly stuff you kept asking me but that genious of a metaphor shows that you just must've been kidding with me. Yes, in light of the numbers the level of blocking wasn't very good for either team. And both of the teams are more on the side of physical spectrum, so when neither team manages to get an upper-hand, this kind of result is to be expected. In fact, NUL does seem to be so physical this year, that these kinds of results may be quite common. Not a lot of finesse players out there, it does seem to be all about strength and armor this year!
- Thank you, professor, I fear that our time is running out. We'll be back later as we head into the second match week. Lot's of exiting games this week, and lots of physical play to be seen, as the professor said. Stay tuned folks, this has been Blood Sports Spotlight and I'm Gron Grumbundy, have a week!

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- J-R here folks, sorry for all the bad puns, but I woke up feeling punny and inspired today!
- HULK DON'T THINK PUNNY HUMAN IS FUNNY! HULK SMASH!
- No wait!
*SMASH*
- PUNY ADMIN

Goblin Taimes, issue 3/17, Excerpt from the Sports section:
Go Go Goblins Go Go Win Gobwin!
The happy news of the week come from the Blood Bowl league NUL where the 2nd match week of the season was played last week and the goblin representatives Zlluga Boys and Old World Pirates proved to be unbeatable! Zlluga boys showed that pure goblin power is superior to mineroid-pumping and alliances with weaker races as the 'boys took a win over the Underworld Plumbers. This reporter of Goblin Taimes let himself be told that the Zlluga's were so dominating, that the underworld team is considering to returning to the plumbing business. Win over the sullied ones, Go Goblins, Gobwin!
As told, the other proud representative of our race, Old World Pirates, were also undefeated in their match agains the almost bare-naked man side of Fantasy Armor Inc. The match ended in a draw but the goblin team was clearly superior on the field! However, once again, the star player Captain Hook caused two casualties but was awarded no casualties in official statistics. An outrage! Also, as is customary, Captain Hook once again officially apologized for two of his team-mates for hurting them. Draw against the furry humans, Go Goblins!
Goblin domination continued also in the ColaChaos versus the Da Freeboooterz match where the brains of the dum green ones, their goblin star player Cheezeburga, massacred the chaos minotaur so badly that the beast had to be carried off the field. Cheeseburga's brave sneak-attack helped the otherwise inadept big greens to a 1-1 draw. Cheezeburga da champion, Go Goblins!
The other big green team of the league, New Orc Gitz decided to play their match against the Mad Science Fair without goblin power. Dum green ones! They lost, proving that the dum green ones need goblin wisery to have a chance to win. Goblin wisery, Go Goblins!
The final report comes from the once-dead Nattbowlarna's victorious match against the dwarf team In search of snow white. The highlight of this match was the new record in the rat-bun sales by an individual vendor. The new record holder is Ronnald McDonnald and he's a goblin! McDonnald the goblin got the record, Go Goblins!
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Excerpt from the small news section of Tombville Towne Cryer issue 3b/17:
Goblin pickpocket arrested during the Nattbowlarna match
Stadium security arrested a curious goblin pick-pocket during the latest Nattbowlarna match. According to the official law enforcement reports the said goblin thief of the name of Ronnald McDonnald had managed to acquire a record number of purses by the curious method of replacing his victims purses with rat-buns so that the victims wouldn't notice the disappearance of their purses by the sudden lightening of their purse strings. The security officials however became aware mr. McDonnald's connivery when the foul aroma of rat-buns overwhelmed the B-section of the stands and caused sudden sickness in several spectators. According to officials, the unusually high-concentration of rat-buns was close to causing a dangerous situation of mass-poisoning that was only avoided by the quick thinking of security official that gathered up the rat-buns and dumped them to nearest safe waste deposal unit. McDonnald will be charged for 604 cases of petty-theft and 603 cases of attempted poisoning.
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Excerpt from the TROLLY ROCKTHINGS, issue MANY/MANY:
BIG MIRRACLE!
STOMPA GO SEE BASHING! BONY-THINGS BASH HAIRY SMALL THINGS! STOMPAS SHINY ROCK THING HOLDING THING TURN TO FOOD! STOMPA EAT FOOD! FOOD GOOD! TASTE FURRY! BONY THING COME AND GIVE STOMPA MORE FOOD! STOMPA FEEL GOOD! MIRRACLE!