Norsca Union League

Wellcome to the opening match of the NUL season 8! This exciting game will see the human Getingarna go against the amazon Cougar Kittens! And the amazons kick-off! Ball lands deep downfield and here comes the Getingarna front line! Oh dear...

Yep, I was planning on writing a match report but I'm just too frustrated right now. Had one of those games. Two opening blocks knocked out two of my amazons. 2 more knock outs and 1 serious injury later Getingarna scored. I got 1 player out of knock-out. With some fidgeting and über-dodging I managed to tie the game at the end of first half. Oh, I had suffered 1 more KO and serious injury at that point. So I started the second half with 7 players against 11. Had a run of 4 agility rolls with the result 2-1-1-1 during two turns. Humans took the ball and scored. Oh, and they knocked out 2 more amazons. Lucky me, I got them back and started 7 to 11 again. Blitz+shallow kick = 4 human players around the ball. Score Getingarna. 7 to 11 again. Shallow kick. First pick-up 1, reroll 1. Humans get the ball! Go block'em! Oh, double skulls, no rerolls left. Score. Oh yeah, there was at least 1 KO there, might've been more, I really don't know, I was in living room kicking the couch and hitting my head against the brick wall.

4-1 to Hakos. Good game from Hakos, I had the role of spectator most of the game.

Some key points from the BB Manager: 55% (17/31) of armor rolls agains me succeeded. Out of those 17 armor breaks 10 were KOs or injuries. In 54 rolls of D6 I had rolled a 1 13 times. That's a bit under 29 percent. Luckily I rolled a 2 also 13 times, so that's 1 or 2 with a d6 58% of the time.

Ouch. Well, on the bright side of things Hakos was due a great match after the horrible stuff he suffered last season. Doesn't make up for your game, but at least you got trounced by someone who deserved a little something from Nuffle. Commiserations, J-man  :(

It sucks when you get games like those. Must have been a POW fest as well, considering how there shouldn't be too much Tackle around at this TV. Anyway this luck comes and goes and there's still plenty of season.

Anyway, in a few days I'll visit some of your zons at the hospital after my match vs the undead :D

Wow, sounds like a rough game there. I'm dreading the first game with my new Wood Elves where things really go to hell... I hope it's not the first game of the season :D

Anyway, I'm really glad this kind of thread is up again. A couple of seasons back, there were a lot of great match reports. Granted, J-Reedy did most and the best of them, but there were other good ones as well, which really adds a lot to the whole league thing. I will try to find time to write up my matches at least, hope to see others do the same :)

So a Necromancer actually contacted me some while ago and showed great interest of having me guiding his team.
So in the middle of season 7 we settled for an agreement, a nice pile of gold and extra filled purse after each win settled the deal for the next three seasons.
Little did I know it was Khemri, I was pretty sure it would be undead, but hey a challenge worth the gold.

After my vacation this summer I contacted the Necromancer and meet the team, whow...
A strange encounter that I'd be used to for sure.. I'll hope.

I showed the "Great" plan to keep winning and how to handle the opponents, I only got some smiles back.
They are always smiling... with no skin on the face I'd guess there are no options but keep on smiling.

So, up to the test.
We traveled along the road to the famous stadium "Old Rotthold" one amazing piece of shit.. really.

I understand why the rotters like it, me as a quite living person was disgusted.
My team.. kept on smiling.. no worries there, not one bit.
Entering the arena getting ready for the game.
"Remember the first moves", I shouted to Henyat the ballhandler of the khemri.

"We are the Drop Dead Gorgeous" Hapath explained to the rotters standing in the los.
"We have the perfect bone structure you see" showing his spine and legs.
"You can see it here on the lower part if the spine, The "Boner" the blitzer ended his speech.

Rotters and all burst out in a laughter rarely seen among their kind.
I slapped my face in silliness, geez, what is he saying.
Even Golden Arrow the well known coach of Sweet Sweet Decay was seen smiling wildly.

All members of DDG looked as they look and kept on smiling.
Forsaken the huge mummy took tone, some how magically it sounded impressive, knowing that there is no air ion those lungs of his.
"You can keep the laughter and the ugliness, WE WILL TAKE THE GAME AND YOUR LIFE!"
Ending very booming I was clearly surprised it could sound that much.
Josix the Unclean beast  of SSD, coughed and out came a big living lump of tissue.
That looked like it wanted to flee from the beast.
But it crawled back to it's... parent... whatever.. and became one again.
Smashing his dry hands to gather in load bang, "Lets Rock" Lord Ogloth Fever said.

A thin but clear whistle sound pierced all surrounding and the little gobling ref Huff Puff came running with the whistle still in his mouth.
"Sorry guys, the Gate 16962 is stuck and I cannot find anyway to open it.
That means the game is postponed to another day, as it has all the bloodbowl footballs".

"So we are out of balls?" Heror the skeleton asks.
The crowed goes wild with joy!
Ohh no, they are not just dead, they are dead boring also, was my though.
No humor what so ever.

"Well, we will be back Cheers!", and team DDG left the stadium who was already almost empty again.

***
Port errors of course... no game and yet we gave it some tries.
Sunday is scheduled as the next try.
***

With a report like that a delay in the match is quite acceptable. Nice work.

So the Match between the Partly Animals vs the Chaotic Dudes

The match started with my chaos team as receiver. After a bad desision to make a "safe block" at the shirmish line I emidiently suffered a turnover by rolling a double skull followed by a block/skull result. This gave the WE the chance to take contioll over the ball, they where a bit unluckie with dodge rolls but they took controll of the ball and managed to get in some good possitions before suffering a turnover due to a snake eye roll during a dodge. Turn 2 for the chaos team was mostly damage controll, move as many players as possible in unconfortable positions and try to go for the one holding the ball (a wardancer in this case), the blitz on the ball handle required a dodge roll for the beastman  witch of course failed and another turnover was a fact. In turn 2 the WE managed to make a TD. 
After the TD the Chos team started a slow and rather safe walk towards the endzone of the WE nothing spectacular happend the chaotic dudes managed to put the ball in the endzone by round 8 and by that point there wa 1 KO in the Chaos team and 1 in the WE and 1-1 in touchdowns.

The second half started with the WE receiving the ball. the kick placed the ball pretty far back and towards one side of the field. I tried tio push the whole team towards the edge of the field this was going on for about 2 rounds when the elfs suddenly decided thath the wanthed to change what side to push on so they changed side and did a touchdown in round 3 or 4 don't really remember. under the offencive the WE sufferd 2 more KOs and one dead line man (from falling when missing a dodge).
When setting up player for the last couple of rounds the Chaotic dudes ehere allowed to field all 11 players, the Partly animals was reduced to 9. As in first half the Chaos team started to move slowly forward to try to score before the mach ended when last round was about to go off the chaos team had a teoretical chance of scoring if they managed a dodge roll and a GFI, both rolls succeeded and the match ended 2-2.

I have just played agains Gnaarkill and would first like to apologize for my silence during the match. I have actually no idea how to write in the chat since all my matches against live opponents have been accompanied by talking on Skype.

The match finished 1-1. I won the first half but my attack after the equalizing goal in the second half was stopped when I failed a simple handover with a re-roll. After that the ball went around some, but never ended up in the hands of a competent player, apparently, since the ones who actually got hold of it soon fell down or threw it away.

Thanks for the match, good luck in the next one.

/tobias

Quote from: Gurgeh on August 24, 2012, 09:25:36 PM
I have just played agains Gnaarkill and would first like to apologize for my silence during the match. I have actually no idea how to write in the chat since all my matches against live opponents have been accompanied by talking on Skype.
/tobias

Just press "enter" type some and "enter" again, viola!

Good luck pal!
/B

- Greetings, sports fans!
- ... or, you know, just fans of gratuitous violence.
- Yes, well, fair point Barney.
- Right, I'm Barney Grumblefoot, and with me as always is my colleague Billy Smallwilly
- SmallWILLARD!
- Now, now... there's no need for pedantry. We're here this fine evening for a match between the fierce and glorious chaos team Chaotic dudes and some puny elf team. If you're anything like me, you're looking forward to a spectacular display of ballhandling, manhandling and flying teeth tonight!
- I'll have you know that The Partly Animals are an outstanding group of athletes! I was lucky enough to run into Amy Winemouse earlier, and it's plain to see that we can expect a lot from those well-trained... beautiful... thighs... and...
- Ah, I was wondering why your nose seems broken.
- A simple misunderstanding, nothing more!
- Ironically, those wardancer girls are the only ones with some balls on that team. Let's see if that's enough to make this interesting.
- Well, I for one...
- Shut up. Ah, look at that, Billy... four towering Chaos Warrior hulks at the line of scrimmage, looming tall above three of those skittish sods... the cheering fans going wild for violence, clearly on the side of the chaos team wanting to see some pummelled elves here. Oooh, the anticipation!
- uhm... yes, quite....
- I can't wait for those spiked mailed fists to punch through some pale soft tissue, there's the kick now!
- I can't look!
*crunch*creak*thump*
- What the...
- Is it over?
- That is... not the best of starts, as chaos warrior Maks Myr Shraak has just punched himself in the knee with his spiked fist, and promptly fell over.
- Oooh, look at those elves dodging away from danger!
- Yes, that is quite disappointing indeed. Well, there's some contact at least, Phong Bird the wardancer has just scissor-kicked the Shi-mulgor, forcing him to the ground.
- Ah... to be that goat...
- What's that Billy?
- Ehrm, nothing! Look, she's running deep, and Amy Winemouse is hot on her heels! Very... hot...
- Quite, it appears the elves has chosen to go for the ball, sigh... the two wardancers and a few elves are now running aggressively towards the chaos end zone with the ball, but it looks Rhinoceros Plasty has some trouble dodging away, he's... no, he's just got that one, but Ali Gator falls flat on his face, and the initiative is back with the Chaos! This is going to be... oh... that's some catastrophic dodging from Tramulgors, they're getting nowhere with this kind of play.
- There's Phong Bird blitzing away Far-nogor! And Ms. Winemouse is dashing for the end zone with the ball... it's a touchdown!!
- Ah well, maybe we can get some serious action here as we go into the next drive. Those elves got away way too easy on that one.
- I must admit, I've never seen anyone fumbling quite that much before, not even those clunky warriors.
- There's the kick by Amy, and it's high... it's... VERY high! Far-nogor catches it, War-fagor beats up on Tiger Woods, and he goes down! John Deer takes a fierce hit, he's grounded as well. THIS is what I'm talking about Billy, this is action! Elves are flying left and right as the chaos cage grinds down the pitch.
- Well, but it really is thrilling to see the grace and elegance, and indeed the ease, with which these elves dodge and duck away from those brutish chaos beasts. Look! There's John Deer performing an impressive backwards somersault into a head... plant... and... lying... quite still, actually... oh dear.
- Haha, you're right Billy, that IS entertaining! I've never seen anyone break their own neck in such a spectacular fashion before. He's not getting up again, now or ever, let me tell you! Do you see the way his spine is poking out there? Hilarious!
- Oh dear oh dearie me
- The Chaotic dudes don't seem to have any problems with this drive, Billy. Worm Taos Luy clears Ali Gator out of the way, and Far-nogor runs it in for the touchdown!
- Well that's just in time, Barney, there's the half-time gong!
- Right, so what can we expect from the second half here?
- First of all, The Partly Animals are receiving, and I think we'll see a quick push for a touchdown right away.
- I have to say, it's a bit disappointing that the only dead elf so far is the one that tripped and fell on his own accord, although that was admittedly hilarious. Hang on, looks like we're off again already!
- Quick push up the left flank, Amy Winemouse pushes her way through, Phong Bird following up, Tiger woods gets the pall, passes it to Rhinoceros Plasty and... and...
- Haha, looks like they're surrounded, Billy. This is going to be bloody!
- Oh my, it does indeed look like the elves are left with nowhere to go on the left flank, warriors are surrounding them... but hey, what's this, Plasty is sprinting over to the right flank, others are joining him, the beasts are caught flat-footed! Ball is passed on to Tiger Woods, who catches it, and heads straight for the line... it's a touchdown!
- Well well, look at those cowards, don't have the guts to take their come-uppings like real men... or goats.
- You can't argue with results, though, 2-1 to the woodfolk!
- Well, there are still a few rounds to go here, Billy. We might still have time to see a good thrashin'. There's no doubt that the chaos side is out for blood this time, you can see the hunger in their eyes.
- I do believe that's actually the endless evil in their souls you're seeing there, Barney.
- Be that as it may, we're all set for the kick now... Amy takes it, and the crowd throws rocks at the elves. That is of course amusing, but against regulations. No doubt I'm not the only one upset by the cowardice of these little buggers!
- Where is the referee!? This is outrageous!
- Brashgy Antler has the ball, they are already moving their cage down the pitch, Billy. It does not look like the elves have any idea whatsoever about what to do with this strategy.
- I have to admit, they do look a bit lost out there. They're already closing in on the end zone.
- Elves are scrambling to stop this now, but is it too late? Amy Winemouse is certainly giving as good as she gets, but beastmen are pouring through holes in the defence. Oh, there's a nasty stumble by Mr. Plasty, and Antler makes a run for it... aaaand it's in! That's the equalizer!
- Well, that was just in time, again, there's no time left on the clock. I'm heading down to the team locker rooms to get a good look at...err... to try to get a post-match interview from Amy Winemouse!
- Try to keep some teeth, Billy.

Great, I really like this kind of match report. Well done.

Awesome reports, guys!

After training an orc squad for three seasons here at the Norsca Union League, coach Luiggi signed for Elfy Way and faced a fearsome undead team led by Barmution in this first match of season 8.

The elves won the coin toss and chose to kick, hoping to pull off a good defence with all 11 players. The Material Ghouls bashed the line of scrimmage and stunned two elves: a grim prologue to what would later be a grim event. However, the first half belonged to the elves, who showed flawless dodging and waited for an opening to mark and sack the ball carrier. They knocked out a wight and finally got hold of the ghoul carrier, who was struck down. The ball flew from his hands into those of an elven lineman, who picked it up despite being surrounded by zombies. They attempted to knock him down again but he could only be shoved around. The melee had already started, and every elf commited to it in an effort to give the lineman an escape route. He found it in the hands of Catcher Niti: the ball was handed off and he rushed his way towards the end-zone. Surprisingly, elves kept going down but they would not leave the pitch yet, except for a knocked-out lineman. The clock was ticking and the elves ran around to let it expire, putting an end to the first half with a 1-0 lead.

The second half started 10 vs 9 for the elves (a KO and an injured ghoul) and the elves made good use of their superior ball handling skills and numbers advantage to score in two turns. It was now the undead's offensive drive, where they truly showed the elves some pain. The crowd was angry and chased the ref, meaning he would not be bothering too much with sending offs and such. That were very bad news for Elfy Way, as the undead horde bashed and fouled everyone they saw. Two linemen were injured and will miss next game, and unfortunately for them, another one joined the ranks of the Material Ghouls after a savage stomp. A few more KO's left the elves defenseless, but they had managed to delay the offence, forcing a ghoul to rush to the end-zone if his team was to have a chance at equalising. He tripped and left the ball one yard away from the end zone. Out of 4 elves, 3 ran away to safety, but one brave blitzer remained and tried to throw a long bomb to prevent the touchdown. He dodged three times but in the end he could not pick the ball up. He was easily knocked down and a Wigh scored the final 2-1.

The last turn was passing practice for the elves, but they lost initiative and let the mummies struck at the linemen. Sarah Jessica Paler injured one of them for a total of 3 in what was a great display of blocking power that translates into a higher salary and skill-set.

------------------------------------------------

It was a good game, but the first half was way too one-sided. I did not miss a single dodge (and did plenty), got all the blocking dice I needed, the bounces, the hand-offs... As for the other team, they kept rolling skull after skull, push after push, and had 0 luck with injury rolls. The second half was a whole different story but it was too late to come back into the game. In a typical elf game, I ended up with 2 MNG and a dead guy, but luckily for me the positionals are still intact. Won't be for long though, as khemri are coming to town.

Welcome everyone to this special edition of "Meet the coaches". Today we will focus on two new promising coaches and of course their teams who just faced each other in NUL:Season 8. I'm your host Billywilly. And I'm the co-host, Willybilly.

-- Coach Hakos --

First out is Hakos, specializing in coaching of human based teams with a total expereience of 34 matches. He started his career with the amazon team Rödstrumporna and managed to win as much as he losed. Not a bad start. After that it was Suputerna, a norse team where he only managed to get 3 victories in 11 matches, so he was sacked. Which meant that the only team willing to take him in was Getingarna. Yes Billywilly, they were desperate since no coach wanted to lead them for the wage of 1 gold and 3 potatoes, which was what they could afford at that time. First season with Getingarna did not go well with just 1 victory and 6 losses. Yes, it's a wonder he was not killed by the fans. Now it is time for NUL:Season 8, and by the way I heard his new salary is just two potatoes. Although I heard he got a bonus potatoe after the unexpected 4-1 victory against the Cougar Kitten.

-- Coach Lasseman --

The opponent in the featured match is the coach Lasseman. With 35 matches played he is just as (un)experienced as Hakos but arguably with better results. His win percentage is 47%. Lasseman seems to prefer the more heavyweight teams since he have been coaching Lizards, Necro's and now a brand new Chaos team. Yes Billywilly, it will be very interesting too see what he can do with the Chaotic Dudes since it started ok with a 2-2 draw against the "The Partly Animals". Previously he have showed his skill with the lizards, Jura United, where he managed to win the final of the Thymus Legends Cup. A very unexpected victory indeed since his lizard team was way outmuscled in both the quarterfinal and semifinal (more than 400 in TV difference) but well deserved indeed.

-- Pre Match Talk --

And these two coaches of course have some history against each other. Before todays match they had met each other three times. First in the league Pestbollen where Hakos Rödstrumporna won a very even match against the Jura United of Lasseman with 2-1. But Lasseman got his revenge in the Thymus Legend Cup where the lizards won over Rödstrumporna in the final with 2-1. The last meeting was in the tournament of Vinterbucklan. Here Nuffle smiled towards Hakos since his norse smashed Lassemans necro's with 4-0. Yes, I bet Lasseman is eager for revenge now.

So, lets look at todays match. On paper it seems to be very even. 12 Chaos guys vs 11 humans, one guard player each, one mighty blow player each and 4 RR each. The main difference lies in the chaos teams reliance on brute strength with 5 str 4 guys (counting the beastman with horn who will make a blitz every time) vs the humans reliance on skills with 5 Block players. What will be most important? Strength or skills? Actually, Willybilly, I think it will be Getingarnas secret weapon, the AG 4 thrower Gothard Rainer. Ah, you are wrong as always Billywilly, of course it will be brute strength, this is Blood Bowl we are talking about.

-- First Half --

The first half clearly belongs to Getingarna. They quickly catches the ball and attacks on the right flank. In turn 3 they seem to be squeezed tightly towards the border and ready to be pushed into the crowd, but it was all part of the tactic. First the ball was handed over to Gothard who then quickly proceeded to dodge, run backards out of the trap, into the own half, back into the chaos half and after a go for it twice he was able to throw the ball to Sigric. Sigric was the only free player not marked by the chaos guys and he was now able to sprint very close to the enemy td zone. So close in fact that no chaos guy could even reach him. The TD was finalized the next turn. Then it was the Ogre's turn to shine when he removed one of the chaos warriors from the game and made him a little bit slower for the future. After that it was rather simple to stop the chaos drive and the first half ended 1-0 to Getingarna.

I said so, I said so, Gothard for the win. Billywilly, do you want to keep your job? Eh, yes. Ok then shut your pie hole.

-- Second Half --

The second half started strong for the Chaotic dudes when they damaged one blitzer for Getingarna severely and knocked out a lineman immediately after that which got them a 11-9 advantage. However, they forgot to pick up the ball, which would come back to haunt them later on. One interesting side battle started on the left flank there the mighty blow chaos guy found himself pushed towards the border. Lasseman decided to save him with a blitz the first thing he did in t10, however, it failed, even after a RR which meant the ball was still free. Getingarna seized on this opportunity. Pushed one beastman out from the game and then knocked down some more and finally started to get towards the ball. Suddenly the chaos guys were outnumbered 7 to 9 and had to play defence instead of trying to score. They managed to get the ball but their cage was marked on all corners and could not move. Mar Skin-Tearer, the Ogre, opened the cage. With four turns left the ball was free and now it seemed Getingarna would be able to score. This was not to be however. Brillian, and desperate, defence from Lasseman coupled with bad positioning from Hakos caused the second half to end inconclusively with no one scoring or even in control of the ball.

All in all the match therefore ended Getingarna 1 vs Chaotic Dudes 0.

-- Interviews --

So, time for the obligatory post-match interviews. Hakos, what decided this match?

- Two things. The agile play of the thrower Gothard and a clever ogre who actually played and just didn't stay put and looked on the match.

Lasseman, what do you think decided this even match?

- The second half there I tried to save my mighty blow beastman from being removed from the turf and failed. Which led to very bad positioning for me. Also being two beasts shorter than the opponent played some role. I lost count on how many the Ogre removed from the game in the second half.

Hakos, what will you improve to the next game?

- The team will need some extra dodge training. 7 times we failed to dodge.

Lasseman, what will you improve to the next game?

- We will hurt more players.

And with these words of wisdom this special edition of "Meet the Coaches" is done.

hehe lovely,  ;D
J-man, you see the challenge  ::)

- Welcome all you who are gathered together today in this existence, to the great halls of justice wherein we the goddess Vereena rule supreme. Do you Nurgle, the great god of decay and rot, accept the supremacy of Vereena and agree to stop oozing onto our beautiful floor that was just cleaned yesterday?
- We! t#he #decAy/nuRgle %ACCeptS?
- Do you Rigg, the great goddess of scantly clad jungle whores accept the supremacy of Vereena?
- ...We the Rigg, the mighty goddess of virtuous daughters of Kalith, accept that Vereena is the supreme in all things in these halls. There is neither greater virgin nor greater whore in these halls than Vereena.
- ...We have gathered here today to hear the complaint of Nurgle that has been placed against Rigg. Say you your complaint now Nurgle or forever hold peace.
- w!e T(HE nUR+GLE cLAIMS The—RIGg SaYETh to Ou*R b'rotHeR/ChiLds kHORNE thAt wE the ¨NURGL?E sTINKsis uS. whIcH is! NoT$ tRuths%
- The complaint of Nurgle against Rigg is that of the insult that Nurgle stinks. What does Rigg answer?
- We answer that we are speaking the truth about the corporal state and odor of Nurgle and truth is not an insult.
- We the Vereena have decided that the validity of this complaint shall be decided by a duel of mortal champions. Rigg is the defendant so she shall choose first. Who chooseth you Rigg to represent yourself in the duel of the champions?
- We the Rigg choose COUGAR KITTENS, the mighty descendants our daughter Kalith!
- The Rigg chooseth... Wait, what? There is nobody named Cougar Kittens amongst your followers Rigg. I see one Kitty Puma Kat... oh, and there's one Cunty Kitty..., Collgate Bitten... Definitely no Cougar Kittens here. What is the meaning of this Rigg? Have you not chosen a mortal person as I ordered?
- We the Rigg have chosen the Blood Bowl team Cougar Kittens where all the players are my mortal grand-daughters and followers. I do believe that great Vereena said this would be a duel of champions, not a duel of two champions, but duel of CHAMPIONS. As in many. Or are we to believe that the great Vereena has made a mistake in her wording?
- ...The Rigg chooseth COUGAR KITTENS! Who chooseth Nurgle?
- NuRRRRRgglee/WE ++ch00s3th   S w EEt -%SWEET dEc—ay!!\?!.
- Nurgle chooseth SWEET SWEET DECAY! We the Vereena chooseth that the two champions shall meet in a game of Blood Bowl that will be played according to mortal rules. Both Nurgle and Rigg will have nine chances to affect the game with their mighty powers. All other actions of the champions will be decided by the free will of the champions and the actions of that of our sisters whose doings no other god shall interfere with. Let it be known that either Nurgle or Rigg shall be deemed to speak the truth based on the game of the champions. Do Nurgle and Rigg accept these terms?
- nUrG&Gle/wE &Ac-ceP+ an TeRm5!
- We the Rigg accept the terms.
- Let the game begin! I see that both of your champions are lacking one member. Who of your followers shall you bring forward to be found by your champions?
- vE\NUrgglE ch0Ose DaVi{on Po&oR}
- We the Rigg choose Androdameia Orithia.
- Nurgle has found Davion the Poor from the Rest in Pieces with Slaanesh and Nurgle burial grounds. Rigg has found a wench from Madam Or'l Plezurs ...establishment. Sweet Sweet Decay have a lower standing of heroes so they have chosen a Bloodweiser Babe and one additional Godly favor to even the odds. Our sister Lady Luck has chosen that Cougar Kittens shall be the first to attack. Let us hear the events from my servant, the soul of Aseeth the Just who won the reward of serving me when he made a truly just decision against the troll team Rockyfisters in the last minute of his mortal life as a Blood Bowl referee. Nurgle and Rigg shall interrupt him if they want to use their powers. Proceed!
- It's a beautiful day here in the palace of our fair and just mistress Vereena and everybody is buzzing with excitement as the game between the champions of Nurgle and Rigg is about the begin. On the mortal plain the day imitates the atmosphere here, the crowd is anxious; sun is shining and both coaches of the champions area sweating slightly...
- Less color, more action Aseeth!
- Yes your most graceful mistress! Nurgle beast Josix the Unclean kicks off the ball. It's a nice and long kick that lands midway through the Cougar Kittens half near the right edge of the field. Champions of Rigg make their first move as Christina tries to block a rotter on the front line BUT SHE FAILS MISERABLY AND FALL...
- We the Rigg hold her up and steel her hand.
- ...S A DEVASTATING BLOW on the Lord Ogloth Fever who goes down. And so does the rest of the Sweet Sweet Decay's front line but nobody is hurt. Hodge Cross of the Kittens picks up the ball and looks for opening. No such thing in sight as the SSD players surge forward. Rotter Luke the Alienator makes a blitz and downs the blitzer Greta Gustafsdaughter of the Kittens! Kittens respond with an array of blocks! Three of the SSD players are downed but nobody gets hurt! Hodge Cross takes the ball forward on the right flank. SSD is preparing to stop him, Hurrlogs Rotmaw is trying to open a route for others by blocking a Kitten blitzer but Rormaw FAILS...
- %Nu/we/rrgle.. SM1TE+ !hER!
- ...TO MAKE NOTHING but a perfect block and Jeanette goes down! AND SHE IS KNOCKED OUT! This gets the Nurgle beast Josix on the skin of the ball carrying blitzer Cross. Oh what a foulard! Luke the Alienator is proving to be a true rotten rotter as he is going to kick the downed Greta Gustafsdaughter! The kick lands true on the temple of Gustafsdaughter, stunning her. The referee is looking away...
- We the Rigg make the referee see the foul.
- ...but the referee Carl "cross-eyes" Fumblesticks catches a glimpse of the action and ejects Alienator from the game! Kittens get the advantage and press on! Cross makes a daring handoff to the star catcher Lana Kreuk who fumbles a bit with the ball but finally secures it! Kittens form a protective line and have the ball now secured on the center line at the right flank! But SSD muster their strength and Josix the beast is going to smash... ALL RECORDS FOR STUPIDITY as he just decides to stand still! Kittens' lineplayer is KNOCKED OUT on the left flank and other Kittens get pushed around. However, the stupidity of Josix has opened a wide running lane and trusty linegal Christina widens the route further as Scavo Huffman is guarding the block. Lana Kreuk breaks through on the right! She's going all in...
- N#Urggle/WE"com—mAND( H.eR to /FaLL?
- ...WHICH CAUSES HER TO SLIP...
- We the Rigg say her feet hold true!
- ...AND SLIDE to halt in mid-run which leaves her open for a blitz! SSD's prestigor Py-mulgor has a chance to get to her but first he must dodge away from the amazon that is guarding him. The brave amazon warrior manages to grab Py-mulgor just as he is getting away...
- *NO! eW/ulggurN %maKES &hanD t0 'sweaTS-ó *#ViSitS @R-e-ROLLS
- ...but she doesn't succeed to keep the grab and Py-mulgor gets to Kreuk and pushes her back next to sideline! Kreuk dodges away but doesn't get far as both Kittens's and SSD's players are now rushing towards the ball from all around. Jennifer lays a block on Rotmaw that downs both of the players and SSD have another opening! Py-mulgor gathers speed and makes another rushing blitz towards Kreuk. SHE GOES DOWN AND IS KNOCKED OUT! The ball bounces to the crowd who throws it back to midfield where it lands next to Josix the beast! Androdameia Orithia KNOCKS OUT Py-mulgor with a nice block! Both teams are scrambling towards the ball and making frenzied blocks at the midfield! Nurgle warrior Bbhalll Leprad is leading the SSD rush towards the ball as he prepares to bash a Kittens blitzer...
- We the Rigg say Scavo Huffman sees the block coming.
- ...who sees the block coming a mile away and DOWNS Leprad with ease! Kittens have a chance now! Jennifer's block on Rotmaw can open the ball wide...
- %NURGLE/WE m+a%k=e RoTmAw! Moor uGLY?.
- ...but the appearance of Rotmaw makes her turn away in disgust and throw up on the field. But here comes Christina with a blitz! Rotmaw has his head turned toward Jennifer so he has no chance to parry the block nor foul Christina's block with his appearance. Rotmaw goes down but luckily for him the ball softens his landing so that he is not hurt. However, the ball bounces away from Josix the beast and skips onto hands of Androdameia...
- =NO&TS c%aTCHEs it!
- ...Orithia who doesn't get a hold of the slippery ball and so the ball comes to rest next to Kittens blitzer Greta Gustafsdaughter. She runs to the ball and picks up...
- =NO&TS c%aTCHEs it!
- ...the ball but then...
- We the Rigg say Nurgle has no say in this matter which should be ruled by our lovely sister Lady Luck whose actions no other god shall interfere with for she is the wisest and fairest of us all.
- ...gets a secure hold of the ball, dodges away from the nearest rotter and starts running as fast as she can towards the goal line! She's really going for it! Really, really going for it! Nobody from the Sweet Sweet Decay is close enough to catch her so she keeps on going. She's going for it! She's going for it! SHE SCORES at the last minutes of the first half! There's still time for another kick-off! Coaches of both teams are trying to revive the knocked out players: three amazons and the pestigor Py-mulgor...
- Nur(/we/)G+i+GLE.. sAY [thE AMaZone.com wéNches *FEAST* with @theDreamLord.?"
- We the Rigg say that the Bloodweiser Babe of the Sweet Sweet Decay has as much of a chance of reviving Py-mulgor as Nurgle has winning a beauty contest.
- ...but both fail miserably. Kittens kick off, the ball lands out of bounds so Shari the Rotten gets the ball. Seems he doesn't like it as he tosses it away to Davion the Poor who catches it. Bit of scuffle at the front lines, two of the amazon players are downed but they are not hurt and so ends the first half. Coaches are againt trying to revive the knocked out players...
- ...
- ...
- What are you waiting for Aseeth, continue!
- ...and Kitten's coach manages to revive the catcher Lana Kreuk and linegal Alyssa while SSD's Py-mulgor stays knocked out. This means Kittens will start with 10 players against the 9 of the Sweet Sweet Decay. Kreuk kicks off! The ball lands just behind the SSD front line. Josix the beast stands still oogling at the skies while his team-mates go to action. Block! Block! Block! Kitten down! Kitten down! Kitten down! Nobody hurt there but now Bbhalll Leprad manages to stun a linegal with a blitz! Rotter Hob the Spoiler gets the ball and other SSD players surround him. Kittens rush forward and start their demolition work on the cage. Blitzer Huffman blitzes nurgle warrior Leprad...
- ?US/*nurgles*/.. sayeth %sHe... oNLy-+ ´hits* ON hand$ome !!men
- ...but the foul appearance of Leprad...
- We the Rigg say Leprad reminds Huffman of her first boyfriend who never wrote her back after that magical night on the back-seat of his father's kroxigor cart.
- ...makes Huffman as mad as righteous priest in a casino brothel and Leprad flies to the ground like a ragdoll. This gets Huffman next to Hob the ball carrier but SSD's player's manage to push her and rest of the Kittens back but they refuse to give up and make another go at the ball. It's corpse against woman now, both sides battling to hold the line. What now! Blitzer Greta Gustafsdaughter goes down! Seems she hit too hard if that is even possible in Blood Bowl and the momentum of her own swing knocked her down! Sweet Sweet Decay have the advantage now! Leprad has gotten up and blitzes the linewench Jennifer. It's a WHOPPER of a block! That'll turn Jennifer into a minced BURGER! KING of blocking Leprad, that's what he is. Yes, seems like Jennifer is seriously injured!
- We the Rigg say Hugh House is the most skillful apothecary there is.
- But the Cougar Kittens' resident doctor manages fix her up! But it's all even now! 9 against 9! SSD press on, and the Hob the Spoiler runs the ball to the right flank. Tathorshae Morbid is making a block on an amazon blitzer...
- We the Rigg say he will hit himself in the groin.
- ...but his hit is deflected by another amazon player, Morbid hits himself ... in an unarmored spot... and he FALLS...
- @Nurgle says #NO!
- We the Rigg say that neither Nurgle nor we shall have no say in this matter and from now on this match will be judged truly and wisely by the most fairest of us all, our loveliest sister Lady Luck.
- ...DOWN HARD as the Kittens blitzer avoids the block with the swing of her hips that also drives the crowd wild! Kittens get an opening to crowd the ball again. Blitzers Huffman and Gustafsdaughter make a dash for the ball and Gustafsdaughters manages to grab Hob the Spoiler with Huffman guarding the blitz! Hob the Spoiler goes down and the ball is loose! Alyssa has chance for the ball but she botches her dodge! Nobody from the Kittens gets to the ball before the SSD responds! Leprad is at it again! He knocks Huffman down and OUT with a blitz! Lots of pushbacks. Rotmaw blocks Kreuk! He fails and goes down! Kittens have the chance! Gustafsdaughter gets to the ball and picks it up! Bunch of Kittens dodge away to the right flank with the ball but they don't get far as Josix the beast suddenly comes alive and blocks the running lane. Gustafsdaughter tries to hand-off the ball to Kreuk but there are too many SSD players disturbing Kreuk and she fails the catch! That settles the game! The half is almost over and there is no time for scoring! Touchdowns that is. Still plenty of chances for racking up injuries as Kittens suddenly find themselves next to sidelines! Pushback! Into the crowds! Whammo! another one! And there goes another kitten! Crowd is roaring with pleasure and keeps on pummeling the amazon players! Security is slow in getting to the players as usual but surprisingly all the amazon players seem to have survived with only a scare. It's almost over now, Kittens make a few more blocks as the game is dying down. And there it goes! The game has ended! It is a 1-0 victory for Cougar Kittens.
- So ends the game of the champions and with it this gathering finds the truth. Let it be known among all gods that the goddess Rigg has spoken the truth: Nurgle does stink!

----------------------

COUGAR KITTENS hereby announce that they have recruited the freebooter Androdameia Orithia as a permanent member of their squad. This announcement was made 2 seconds after the Cougar Kittens MVP in the match against Sweet Sweet Decay was announced to be Androdameia Orithia.

And the master of match reports is back!

Good to see the kittens bouncing back and forget about the first match.

Awesome stuff, guys :)

- Welcome to Bloody Tuesday!
- Don't you mean Blood Bowl Tuesday?
- Well... they're both right! We've got a very promising game on our hands here. Gnaarkill's Vinterlegionen is a mean, balls-to-the-wall, hard-as-rock Norse team, looking to finally kill off some of those weakling elves. Surely, they can't dodge away from all those berserkers and werewolves out there... this is going to be a feast! I'm Barney Grumblefoot, and with me as always is my colleague Billy Smokediddler
- SMALLWILLARD! Honestly! How hard can it be!?
- Ha ha ha... ain't that right Billy. So as I was saying, Vinterlegionen is entering the pitch now, and whoa do those guys look bloodthirsty! Well.... drunk, mostly. But definitely out for blood!
- Well Barney, they look like they don't know which end zone belongs to who, if you ask me. And look! There are The Partly Animals, walking, nay, dancing onto the field! That is certainly a graceful sight.
- We'll see if they have the good grace to fight like men in a minute. Say, are you missing a tooth Billy?
- Well...err... tripped and... fell.
- Near the women's locker room after last week's match, perhaps?
- That's preposterous! I was just... eh... observing from a distance... to...eh... prepare for my interview! Besides, she was probably just in a bad mood. Women, right?
- Let's see if the wardancers saved some of that energy for the game today Billy, they do tend to make the wood elves slightly less boring to watch. It looks like the Norse won the coin toss and chose to receive.

- Ooh, look at that daring play from the Animals, they're running around on the flank, pushing past the offensive line and trying to sack the carrier!
- Well, that's clearly not working, look at Vinterlegionen huddling up into a very solid cage there, there's no way those elves are getting into that. Say, do you smell something burning Billy?
- Hmm.. now that you mention it, I do Barney. Say, have those stadium lights always been so bright?
- I can't remember that, no. And why are they getting bigger?
- IT'S A FIREBALL!!
*swooooaoaBLADOWWsmoldercrackweeeeze*
- Am I... missing... an eyebrow?
- Yes, but more importantly, Vinterlegionen seems to be missing several players! And the ball! The elves have employed wizards! This is making a mockery of all fair, honest, brute-force beatings we've come to know and love in this game, Billy. For shame!
- I think you'll find that hiring college wizards is perfectly within the rules, Barney, especially given circumstances where fresh teams are overmatched. Oooh, there's Phong Bird, she has stolen the ball, it's on its way towards the end zone!
- Ah, but there's Börksvein with a forceful block, and Ms. Bird goes down, the ball is free! But whoa, she leaps right back up and kicks Börksvein in the groin, that has gotta hurt!
- And the ball is picked up by Amy Winemouse, look at those wardancers go!
- There's still a lot of carnage on the field after that fireball, looks like Tiger Woods is in trouble as he is in a blocking war with Thórr and... oooh, Tiger Woods looks like he broke his arm with some kind of grappling move! I did not see that coming! Thórr is not looking fit to go on, he might even be out for the next game.
- Amy Winemouse runs it in towards the end of the half, this drive was a steal!

- Not so fast, Billy, they still have time to settle this before half-time. They're wasting no time in kicking off, and the fans are now cheering for Vinterlegionen to put things right after this foul trickery with the wizards.
- The Norse don't have much time, and it does look like they're fumbling quite a bit, Barney.
- It seems like they're giving up on playing the ball and focusing more on smashing things now, look at those punches out there!
- Oh no! Phong Bird's been taken down! She's hurt!
- Haha, that was a good elbow, no doubt about it. But I don't think that was more than a rib or two, at most.
- The Partly Animals are giving their wardancers the best care they can, though! It looks like they've got one of their apothecary's on her just to make sure, they really don't want to face second half without either one of those beautiful breast... leg... ehh... I mean hands on the ball!
- Well, certainly some carnage there towards the end of the first half, although no serious injuries seem to have resulted from it... ah well, there's always next half. I'm off to get some water to put out the rest of the fires, Billy, I'll be back for second half.
- I'm going to go check on Phong Bird, maybe sing her a ballad to raise her spirits!

***

- We're back! It's The Partly Animals to receive, and they are up 1-0 after the first half. They must be pretty happy with that result so far then, Billy?
- For sure! I don't think they expected to be able to prevent the Norse from powering through on their drive, but that wizard was certainly instrumental there. And from what I could gather before I was... uhrm... escorted from the premises, Phong Bird is back up and ready for the second half!
- There's the kick... aaand, whoa, I've never seen Norse that fast before.
- Whoa! That is some blitz, the elves are pushed backwards instead of moving the ball forwards, this is a very scary start!
- Some good punches and shoulder charges out there, but nobody's really bleeding yet. Can't be long now, though!
- Elves are dodging everywhere, trying desperately to not be caught up in this blocking war
- Armand Dillo has the ball, passes to Ali Gator, who runs backwards... he's almost standing in their own end zone, Billy!
- This might be an upset here early in the second half... Ylar, the really nasty-looking werewolf is making a run for it, but he stumbles! Ouch, he hits the dirt! Gator sees the opening, runs the ball to Phong Bird, Phong Bird launches it! It's a beautiful pass caught by Tiger Woods, and he's clear of the defence! He is running it in! That is amazing!
- They're a slippery bunch, those weasly elves, I'll give them that.

- That's 2-0 then for The Partly Animals
- Yeah, I don't see how Vinterlegionen can really come back from this now. They appear to be a man up compared to the Animals, and they should be able to get one touchdown, but I don't see two in that short a timeframe.
- It would certainly be surprising, but not unprecedented.
- Looks like a riot is breaking out, that is not good news for a Norse team short of time.
- You're right, Barney, I don't know what the crowd is trying to achieve here, but they're certainly not helping out Vinterlegionen.
- They're trying to achieve some good ol' carnage, Billy, you've never understood this. Look, there's Ásoddr pushing through and... oh, wow, what a move! Blood Owl was pretty agile, but I don't think his legs were supposed to do that, haha!
- That is a nasty groin strain, he's gonna be out for a while. Oh dear god, Rimner just floored Nerf Worm, the Norse are really turning violent!
- It's beautiful, Billy! Finally some action! There's Skald-Tórfuson pounding into the back of Tiger Woods, one of the Animals rising stars, and CRUNCH! Oooh, that is the sound of something breaking!
- Oh no, Mr. Woods is on his way to becoming one of this division's top scorers, the elf camp is not happy about this! It looks like they're calling on their last apothecary for this one, Barney.
- Well it's a shame it's their last, because it doesn't look like these vikings will be calming down anytime soon!
- There's a very interesting play against the Norse cage, Armand Dillo is in contact with one of the corners, and he manages to take Ulvar down. Amy Winemouse sees an opening and roundhouse kicks Halfdan to the ground! She steals the ball and leaps out, what an amazing play!
- Well, that put a definite end to any hope Vinterlegionen had of coming back into this game, so let's just enjoy the carnage Billy.
- Please don't let them hurt my girls!
- They're... neither yours, nor girls, Billy.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, BBM had me just slightly up in dice luck, but I have to say, I felt like I was lucky in all the right places in that game. My first half fireball just took out his entire cage, and basically stole the first half for me, for example. Sure, the norse started cas'ing towards the end of the game, but it was too late to make a difference in the end result, although that sort of thing just isn't apparent from reading the stats. Huge thanks to Gnaarkill for being such a great sport and keeping the chat light, even when faced with horrible luck in parts of the game. I try to be that good a sport when stuff doesn't go my way, but I honestly can't say I always do such a good job of it :D

Great job, I could really follow the flow of the match in the report.

Whoa! What a great match report Kvasilad!
Keep up the good work! :)

Thank you for a enjoyable game anyway Kvasilad!
I did some bad tactical mistakes sometimes but the elves did play very good blood bowl. Im happy that i got a couple of spp's from casualties at least, because thats what we in Vinterlegionen wants to do, smash some limbs and stomp some heads (Escpecially Elven limbs and heads, haha!) ;D

/Gnaarkill

Nice indeed.
Keep it rolling guys I love the momentum we have in here!

Thanks for a nice game Hakos, it was hard fought. I'm glad that I finally managed to pull out a win with my team and got my first TD as well :) (1-0 win for a change).

COUGAR KITTENS VS MATERIAL GHOULS & WHITE FIRE:

- And that's why elfy women like when you pull on their ears while you massage their nipplies!
- Gee Whizzy-Pissy, that sure sounds strange. How'd you find that out
- It's a long story, Nippy, so let me tell you about that! Ya'see I was riding my cart to the factory when I saw a halfling nun, elf smith and an amazon standing on the side of the road. So naturally I...
- PSST! PSST! NIPPY! PSST
- Wha? What? Whose that!
- ...and they started playing Knuckle-a-donkey right there! I mean middle of the...
- Over here Nippy, here behind you! No, no, turn back around, I don't want to attract attention! Just act like you're talking to your friend there.
- Mr Grumbundy! Was that you?
- No, no, Nippy, you're mistaken. I'm not that handsome, world famous Blood Bowl expert Gron Grumbumby. Let me introduce myself, I'm Fagronkey Nagrumbundyme, you might recognize my name from that fine magazine Blood Bowl Gazette. No, no, don't turn around!
- Ya sure do look like mr. Grumbundy, except that you have that beard, and those funny spectacles with the fakey nose, I love those!
- ... with a BOOM and it went flying through the brothel's door with the halfling nun hanging onto it's whiskers with as a tight grip as a dwarf holding a gold-plated beer mug...
- I assure, you're mistaken Nippy, this is my own natural nose, I do assure you.
- But there's still a price tag from Funny Bob's Torture Stuff and Novelties...
- Oh, mmm. Well, enough of that. If I understood correctly, you just came from the Cougar Kittens versus Material Ghouls match?
- Oh yes! Whizzy-Pissy said that it'd be funny to see dead wenches beating on the living hussies, said that it oughto be like mud-wrestling night at Madam Or'l Plezurs but cheaper.
- ...The troll started beating on the ogre with the turnip, so the ogre took hold of the rubber chicken and riposted the next blow...
- Yes, your friend Whizzy-Pissy seems quite a character now that I finally meet him in person... not that I would've heard of him before... Or met you before, as I just heard about you from ...the bartender! Yes I heard from the bartender that you, mr. Nippy, are quite an expert in NUL. SoI'd appreciate if you could give me a short summary of the match, I had to abandon the match as I noticed some... friends in the stands that I didn't want to run into.
- Oh, I also saw lots of folks there that I know! There was Freddy-Farty, Hardup Harry and lots of them troll and dwarf folks that have been over at work looking for mr. Grumbundy! Ya know about that thing with the bets that mr. Gron made?
- Yes, yes. I'm sure lots of folks are interested in mr. Grumbundy. And that betting affair thing is just a rumour! But how about the match, I hear that the Cougar Kittens won the match 2 to 0? What happened? I thought the undead would beat the living daylights out of the amazons?
- ...the horse buckled over tossing the cow from the saddle and I swear that the cow farted in midair as...
- Well the wind stopped blowing right before the kick-off and the sun really started shining. Whizzy-Pissy said that it should be excellent 'cause the amazons would start sweating and that everybody knows that when you get a woman sweating, you're just a short way from getting. And then the amazons got the ball and knocked out one of the zombie women right at the start!
- So there was heat! Yes, that makes sense, the amazons are used to heat and moisture while the necromancer would find it harder to concentrate on keeping the zombies moving... Well, what happened after the Kittens got the ball?
- ...the ball bounced onto to the clown's wig and disappeared into the curls, so the skink naturally jumped on the back of the clown while the kroxigor grabbed the halfling...
- They ran it to the middle, or that catcher woman they have did, ya know, the one with the really, really big b...
- ..ball handling skills you mean Nippy! That's Lana Kreuk, makes sense, she's their emerging star. So didn't the undead do anything to stop them?
- Sure they did, ya see the mummies blocked the way which made the amazon women run to the left. They really were agile and fast! The amazon I mean, they must've dodged five of the zombie blocks when they started the run to the left! There were some ghouls in the way but then the amazons pushed one of them into the crowds and the people just started hitting the ghoul and when they carried her away she was all limp.
- Yes, that must've been Marilyn Moredough, smashed her collar bone I hear, I bet they'll get rid of her soon.
- You really shouldn't be betting mr. Nagrumbundyme, I think it gets people into trouble.
- ...so she said: "If you don't start singing, I'll have to see if your balls start ringing when I bash them with this bat"...
- Yes, yes, enough of the moralities. So the Kittens made a break on the left flank. What then, Nippy?
- There was this wighty woman, Anna Nocturne Smith who tried to blitz miss Lana but she justed pushed her around and Whizzy-Pissy said that he swore that he'd seen that the wighty woman's block hit miss Lana on the boobs and that's why she didn't fall. So then she dodged out, miss Lana that is, and scored a touchdown.
- What about the heat? Did it have any effect?
- Oh yes! Whizzy-Pissy said that he was getting a dry mouth from the heat so he went to get some Beerweizer light!
- ...I mean on the players! What happened to the players? How many players there were in the next kick-off?
- Oh. I thinks there were only 9 Material Ghouls and 10 Cougar Kittens, and then there was the riot at the kick-off. I hear that it was because somebody said that he was as drunk as Gron Grumbundy was broke and one of those dwarf folks was close and thought that the guy was saying he was Gron Grumbundy and started hitting him. And I think that the referee must've made an error with the clock after the riot was settled 'cause I could've sworn that the little hand wasn't on the number that looks like the half of a snowman but on the next number but nobody else noticed that so they started playing.
- ...the amazon wench was playing him like a fiddle! I mean her other hand was grabbing his throat while the other hand punched his midsection and with midsection I mean his ba...
- The undead must've started their attack strong, as they have the bashing power, am I right, Nippy, or am I right?
- Well they knocked out one of the amazons but then one other amazon hit that wighty woman who had tried blitzing miss Lana earlier and the wighty woman was carried off the field badly hurt. But then another amazon got knocked out while trying to block a mummy. And then that ghoulish looking miss Marrowkiss started running around with the ball and the amazons kept on following her and the mummies were running after the amazon so it was like a merry-go-round and the amazons must've gotten dizzy as they kept getting knocked out. And then there suddenly only 4 amazon women left and miss Marrowkiss ran to the left and almost got to the goal!
- Almost? What happened?
- ...I tell you what happened! The elf started doing summersaults as the winterbells started springing from her hair and...
- Miss Lana! The zombie and wighty women had her knocked her down as she tried to follow miss Marrowkiss but she got up, dodged right through them and blitzed miss Marrowkiss down all by herself! And the ball bounced into the crowd behind the goal-zone and then Whizzy-Pissy yelled out "The folks at the stand C got balls on them face!" and everybody around us started laughing for some reason. Then the folks behind the goal tossed the ball to the mid-field and then the other three amazon women dodged and ran to the ball and one of them picked it up.
- That must've ended the half.
- No, then one of the mummie women blitzed down the amazon girl that had the ball and the other ghoulish woman ran to pick it up and then she tried to toss it to the zombie woman standing next to the goal line but the zombie woman didn't catch the ball even though the ball flew right at her and then the half ended!
- Wow, that sounds like an amazing half... Let me see, according to you the Kittens had managed to injure two of the Material Ghouls but the undead had number of the amazons knocked out. What where the numbers at the second half?
- ...So I went right at it, my tongue flailing like an orc's club in a room full of elfs while my hands massaged...
- Oh, I had to go for number 2 but Whizzy-Pissy said that he only had to drain his lizard and wondered why Pissy had brought his pet lizard Percy with him and why I hadn't seen it...
- *Sigh* No, Nippy. HOW MANY players did the TEAMS have on THE FIELD when they started the SECOND HALF?
- Oh, it was same as after the second kick-off, there were 9 of the deadsy women and 10 of the amazons. And then the amazons kicked the ball off again and it was reaaally high kick and miss Marrowkiss had all the time in the world to run under the ball but she couldn't catch it and then when she tried to pick it up again she fumbled it and the ball bounced away and almost all of the amazon women ran to the ball as it was so close to midline and then one of the amazon blitzer women picked up the ball and I saw that the dead women's coach started chewing on the wooden bench at the dugout.
- ...she was moaning like a chaos warrior in a rain of holy water as I kept on going...
- Well, if all that you're telling me is true, I can't blame the necromancer for getting frustrated, it seems like that they were getting the wrong end of the pussythorn stick. Well, what then?
- The amazons just ran around all bunched up and the dead women tried to keep up with them and hit the amazons but the amazons just kept on getting pushed around and bouncing off the ground and getting back up. And then one zombie woman got hurt badly and another one was killed, I mean killed again I guess, and one of the ghoulish women was knocked out and the amazon women kept on running 'cause there was so few dead women standing on their way and then they finally ran to the end zone and scored a touchdown.
- All right, let me see, so it seems that the Material Ghouls had a bad day at regeneration and abysmal luck with the heat while the Cougar Kittens were extremely effective in blocking and surprisingly agile in their play. Does that sound like a correct sum-up of the game?
- Well Whizzy-Pissy says that the amazon were as lucky as a horny bloke at a meeting of nymphomaniac cheerleaders and that's why the dead women had as much of a chance of winning as finding a virgin or a beer barrel after a norse raid. I really don't understand what he means by that but it sounds really cool, like anything else that Pissy says.
- ...so that's why I know why elfy women like when you pull on their ears while you massage their nipplies!
- Geewhiz Whizzy-Pissy that was quite a story! I was just saying to mr. Nagrumbundyme that you're really smart! Couldn't you tell him some cool story of yours. I know! He likes Blood Bowl so why don't you tell him about that NUL Blood Bowl match you saw last week! That was a cool story!
- No, no, Nippy, there's really no need to bother your friend here. I really must...
- Sure Nippy! Yeah, it was the Cougar Kittens match of course. I mean, there's no point in following any other team out there, not unless you're into sausage fests. But I'm not into sausages, no sir, no meat poles into this mouth, but I wouldn't gobbling on a pair of melons, HAA-HAA! Well, I guess there's that wood-elf team with those wardancers but them elf-girls are all bony and skinny, I'm more into the jiggly stuff and there's no team jigglier than the Cougar Kittens, they're like pudding on top of the jello held by a guy with a shaking-flu! So they there playing this fresh high'n'mighty elfy team White Fire and it was raining really hard which was great as those Kittens were all soaked and wet! I mean I always say that when you get a girl wetted, she'll soon be bedded, HAA-HAA! So the White Fire kicks of first but the kick fails like a playboy at nun monastery so that hot Lana Kreuk get the ball handed to her from the ref. I'm sure the ref would've wanted to offer her a pole and another ball with that ball too, HAA-HAA! Well, amazons started jiggling around and made it look like they were going through the middle like they always do but then they switched to right and the high'n'mighties were left standing in the middle. But those elfs are as slippery as oiled eels on a smelted butter so they get some of themselves to block the running lane and knock out one of the 'zons but those Kittens can give as good as they get, so they knock the elf blitzer out and start inching through from the right as steady as a troll stands on granite rock. They take their time but finally they score, hey, I guess that's just like me with Slutty-Susy last night, HAA-HAA! So the elfs now get the ball with a third of the half left. The kittens kick it deep and the elf throwers runs to pick up the ball, gets it of course even with the rain, you see those elfy bastards really are as agile as those snake women you see in the circus, you know the ones that get their legs all the way behind their ears. Oh, seems like I started talking about last night again, HAA-HAA! All right, so the elfs try to get some guys into the goal zone for the pass attempt so their blitzer runs through from the left flank. Then the amazon coach makes the cleverest coaching move I've ever seen, he sends that catcher Lana Kreuk to guard the blitzer. I mean seriously, could you concentrate with that gal running after you? Neither couldn't the elf blitzer, he tries to run to the end zone but makes a mistake at glancing back at Lana, so he goes flying to the ground, stumbled on his own feet. Meanwhile the elfs try to make it through at the middle but the Kitties crowd them and they get no chance of breaking out. So onto the second half said a troll after swallowing the skink legs! Now the White Fire elfies get the ball and run it to middle but the Kittens get to the ball-carrier and bring him down! Hottie Lana gets the ball but then she fails a dodge and knocks herself out. Elfs get the ball, toss it to a guy behind the Kittens line. Guess those amazons really likes to get themselves some balls 'cause they go running after the guy but they have no chance in catching the fast bugger so he scores a TD! So it's all even now but the Kittens can only get 9 gals onto the field with three of them staying knocked out! And them some bugger throws a stone and hits cute rookie blitzer Norma Jeanette right smack into her face and she's carried out badly hurt! So they're now 8 against 11! The kick is really deep but the amazon blitzer gets to the ball and gets it up, no surprises there, I'm guessing those amazons are really good at getting things up, HAA-HAA! The elfs rush in deep into Kittens half surrounding the blitzer, Hodge Cross, I think she was. So I'm thinking there's no way they the amazons can jiggle their way out of this one. But then they make the nun's chastity belt play! You know the one, they get four gals with some of them really good at guarding into a diamond right at the middle of the field and then the ball-carrier runs right into the center of the diamond. You'd have to a master class locksmith to break into that! So the elfs just try crowd the diamond but then the Kittens start hitting hard and break a running lane into high-elf side of the field. Most of the elfs are still at the Kittens side of the field, so as Hodge Cross goes on deep run, there are only two elfs close enough to get after her, a blitzer and a lineman. The blitzer gets through but the line-elf who tries to make a blitz at the Hodge Cross has to go dodging through some amazon linegals. So the line-elf does what every red-blooded man would do with a couple of amazon beauties dancing next to him – he goes down at their feet. With only one elf-blitzer on her heels Hodge Cross has no trouble doing her stuff, I swear she did a split-legged summersault as she dodged away from him and ran into the goal just as the referee blew the game over! And that's when things got really good! I mean can you picture 12 wet amazons celebrating midfield, hugging and patting each other with some of their gear slipping off as they jump around? I can and I might just do that this night before going to sleep to get myself relaxed, if you catch my drift, HAA-HAA! So, how about that story Nagrumbundyme fellow, whadya liked it?
- Oh, he already left Whizzy-Pissy, but that was a great story! I can't understand how'd you get so good at speaking!
- Nothing to it Nippy, you see it's all up to getting into zone. All you gotta do is let yourself relax and stop thinking, like the time I was driving my cart to work at the factory and I saw this redhead, minotaur priest and a giant dwarf standing by the side of the road...

COUGAR KITTENS vs ELFY WAY

- Welcome to the half-time analytics spectacular of the Cougar Kittens versus Elfy Way match of the NUL's 8th season! I'm Max Dalker and with me today are the Blood-Bowl analyst spectacular Jack "man from the street" Vryman...
- Howdy!
- ...and professor Bertie Pointer!
- Thank you Jack.
- All right, straight to business, we only the half-time for analysis of the first half. Jack, could you tell me your opinion of what happaned in the first drive of the match where the Elfy Way were the first to receive the ball?
- Sure Max! Well, the elf buggers got the ball and the lingeriebowler team tried to put pressure on them but the elf buggers managed to score anyways!
- Short and sweet... Well, what's your view of the play professor?
- The kick was shallow and landed on the right flank of the Elfy Way. Their blitzer Maly secured the ball and then changed to left flank and behind the elf line. The amazons responded by breaking through the the front line and getting two blitzers on the skin of the ball-carrier. The elf blitzer managed to dodge away with the help of his team-mates and managed to break to the amazon side of the field on a loose cage. The amazons got through the cage with a strong guard play but didn't manage to down the blitzer who dodged away further down-field but as he didn't get enough support from the team-mates the amazons caught up with him and got him down. The amazons however didn't have anyone on the spot to pick up the ball, so as more elf arrived to the spot, blitzer Maly had enough time to pick-up the ball again. The amazons made another attempt at Maly, but managed to only push him back. Amazons also put a defensive barrier between Maly and the goal line but they didn't get enough depth to it, so Maly managed to break through the defence with a blitz and dodge away to score the first elf TD.
- Very detailed professor as always. Please continue, that was only half of the first half, what's your take on the amazons first attack?
- The elf kick landed deep at the center. Amazon runner Lana Kreuk picked up the ball. Elfs got three players to amazon side to block a middle run but Lana ran to right flank where she was guarded by two amazons specialized in that skill. Elfs formed a two-player deep defensive barrier deep onto their own side. The kick had been so deep, that Lana had to run right into middle of this defensive barrier on the right. This formed such a dense concentration of players, both elfs and amazons, that she finally didn't have enough room to go for the goal even when her team-mates managed to down lots of elfs.
- Sounds like what happened, but let's hear from Jack, what happened there on your opinion?
- The buggering coach of the lingeriebowl team got his runner blocked with their own blocking so they didn't get a chance to score even though they got enough time to do it! 
- Delightfully densed version of the professor's view! Especially as the second half is just about to begin! We'll be back!
....
- And we're back! What happened there Jack?
- The lingeriebowl team made an easy-paced o'fence and smacked the elfs around but the buggering elfs played excellent d'fence but the amazons still managed to score 'cause they have a star runner whose also quite a looker! Wouldn't mind sharing some 'tactics' with her!
- I think that was very summarized view of the second half but accurate as to the match ending in a 1-1 tie. Professor, maybe you could give somewhat more detailed description?
- The elf starting kick was almost identical to the first half, landing deep at the middle. Catcher Lana once again got the ball, elfs once again ran some men to block her process but she had no trouble punching through the centre. Amazons KO'd one elf but lost their advantage soon as the elf Blitzer Milli took the amazon rookie catcher Hayden Bennet out of the game with a casualty that was later classified as a badly hurt. The amazons continued their progress through left flank but were stopped mid-way through to goal by the elf line. Blitzer Maly who made the stop was almost knocked-out but luckily he fell down so close to sideline that the Elf apothecary managed to keep him on the field. The situation remained stagnant for a while but then elf lineman Rey made a daring unassisted blitz at the ball-carrier and managed to wrestle her down. The ball was left loose and then an elf player was knocked down on the ball and the ball bounced to the hands of an amazon blitzer through the elf bodies lying prone on the field and the hands of another amazon. The blitzer was taken down just seconds after she got the ball but the elfs couldn't get their hands on the ball. Amazons cleared all but one elf away from the ball which gave the catcher Lana chance to pick-up the ball and dodge away to very secure cage her team-mates had formed. Time was almost over and as the elfs didn't have a chance to go for the ball, they just formed a defensive line on their TD line and got into skin of Lana. The amazons easily got rid of the blitzer trying pressure Lana and then miss Lana made blitz, pushed back the catcher trying to cover the goal line, dodged away from other elfs and ran for the TD. I believe she had to give some extra effort on her running, one might even say she was really going for it.
- I believe that was detailed enough. Of cource there was one more kick-off after the TD but that didn't result in anything else but the elfs fattening their passing statistics. All in all very exciting match where the Elfy Way played extremely tactical and well-placed defence and only amazons where only saved from a loss by their more skilled player material! That's all from our analytics studio, hope you can join us again another week!

Welcome everyone for an exlusive interview with Stefan Valdred, the emerging star of Getingarna. I'm your host Billywilly and todays statistics is brought to you by my associate Willybilly who unfortunately cannot be here today. Last time I saw him he tried to interview the Ogre, Mar Skin-Tearer, who at the time was rather annoyed since the match was over and he wasn't allowed to hit anyone anymore. I believe the coach made an exception for Willybilly, though. And that's the difference between a star reporter as me and the wannabe's. I know how to select the perfect interview candidate.

--What Stefan did--

BW: So, lets start Stefan. It is quite clear that a lot of action happened wherever you went in your last match against the undead Material Ghouls.

SV: Just doing my job.

BW: Well more than that I think, after all, the judges said you were the most valued player for Getingarna.

SV: But I couldn't have done what I did without some excellent support from my team mates.

BW: Yes, yes, let's take a look at your statistics from this match. In total you were knocked down 6 times, pushed off the field once and in the very last minute of the match you were badly hurt. Although, it is only 5 minutes after the match and I can't see any damage?

SV: Good healing flesh. It's good to have, you know, if you want to survive on the pitch.

BW: True. You also made a total of 3 blitz, knocked down 6 undead players, knocked of the skull of one skeleton, which sent him off the pitch. Also, to top it off, you managed to catch one pass, made a touch down and generally runned more than what seems possible.

SV: Too bad the skeleton just have to put back his head to be able to play again. But it was a nice feeling to see the head roll away, out into the audience. I think the arena guards had to hit some visitors a couple of times and finally ask the holder of the head which of his two heads he wanted to return back to the team before they finally got it back.

--First Half--

BW: True, true. In the first half Getingarna quickly became severly outnumbered but still they managed to stop the ghouls from scoring. Can you tell us what happened?

SV: Sure, we kicked away the ball and immediately rushed forward. Before the ghouls even had time to react we had half our team in their half. Only their two ghouls were between us and the ball. It was a daring tactic and it cost us a lot. Already in the second turn my fellow blitzer Marquis Sigric got fouled so hard he had to leave the match and will also miss the next match. Next turn Admund was pushed out to the crowd.

BW: The best defence is a good offence someone, probably famous, once said. And you got your reward.

SV: Yes, at the end of turn 3 Hob, one of our most important team members managed to drag a mummy down on top of himself. This gave us an opening and Jek, our expert tackler, managed to blitz the ghoul so he dropped the ball. After that none of the teams managed to get hold of the ball again for the rest of the first half.

BW: Yes, at one point of time I saw the ball bounce at least 7 times between 5 players. It looked like a game of "who is the last one to hold onto the grenade".

SV: Actually, we managed to dip the ball into a full bottle of that fantastic sun lotion that our cheerleaders use. But don't tell anyone.

--Touchdown for Getingarna--

BW: Let's talk about the first 3 rounds of the second half. Here I must say you played brilliantly.

SV: It was all according to our coach's plan. We received the ball, attacked in the middle and on the right flank so hard that we threatened to break through quickly, so the undead had to move away from the left flank. When we quickly changed and broke trough on the right flank but also on the left flank. Now we had our catcher Emil and our very agile thrower Gothard within touch down distance on each flank while our tough guys marked down a lot of their players in the middle.

BW: It was a very nice way to really force the slow opponent to move around a lot and stretch his resources thinly. But you were also helped a lot by being able to hurt two of their players so bad that they had to leave the pitch. Inlcuding that skeleton who really lost his head. Not to mention all the red skulls that Barmution saw early in the second half.

SV: Yes, of course. Now it was time for Jek to do one of his 5 blitzes of the day to remove the wight that tried to mark me. After that it was rather easy for Otto to move into the perfect position to throw the ball to me. I catched it, sprinted all over the field, almost broke something at the end but managed to plant the ball in the TD zone.

--Touchdown for Material Ghouls--

BW: And then it is time for the less stellar part of your play.

SV: I agree, I'm pretty certain that the coach want's to whip us after how badly we played in the next 4 turns. It was like we all got drunk of being in the lead and forgot all about how to play and only managed to set up a straight line in the defence. No deep defence at all. Some of our players were so tired that they even didn't move for a turn or two.

BW: And even you had some troubles here and just before their goal you were pushed into the crowd.

SV: Judgement mistake from my side. That damn wight said something not printable about my dear mother so I kicked him down twice and forgot to look out for that damn zombie.  Normally I see a zombie push coming from a mile away, they are so slow that even a regular, physical, mail arrives faster then what they do.

BW: But after that your team seemed to rally and put 4 players in the way for their ball handling ghoul with Jek, the Guard, in the middle.

SV: It was a nice try and would probably have worked if it hadn't been for that wizard in the crowd. He got Jek with a fireball, a tiny fireball though, it only hit one player even though he had 4 to aim at.

BW: A friend of mine believe they saw that notorious coach and wizard J-Reedy at that time with smoke around his fingertips. Making sure that none of his two competitors would be able to win and get close to his team in the rankings.

SV: That is your theory.

BW: Anyway, the Ghouls used that very well by pushing the rest of your players out of the way to make a nice 9 square long run and touch down.

--Creative Learning--

BW: Rigth, that was it.

SV: No, we must make honorary mention about our rookie Ardtrai the fat.

BW: Yes, that mercenary you hired last match. What about him?

SV: Well, we hired him since he showed some promise, it seems he was our most valued player in the last match. Anyway,  there was too little time to do much but at least he managed to pick up the ball and make a good pass to our catcher. I don't really understand how it worked but by doing that pass he learned how to become a much more efficient blocker.

BW: So, to all of you at home listening to this interview. Remember that if you want to know how to successfully knock someone down you must practice your passing skills. And with these words of wisdom we end the interview of Stefan Valdred, a coming star, remember where you heard it first.

[For the first time ever I watched a re-play of my match to be able to write the report. I must say that I'm horrified over the many mistakes I made in t12 to t15. I averaged at least two tactical errors every turn. The only thing keeping Barm to score quicker was my numerior superiority. Not to mention that I used the wrong defence strategy as well. I can only attribute this to sleepiness since it was getting a little late for me. Also, it was quite interesting to view the entire match from the undead viewpoint and see how brilliantly Barm positioned his players all the time. I hope I learned something from that.]

Great write-up, Hakos!

The only thing I don't agree with is my so-called brilliant positioning ;) You defense the first half was really good (if somewhat risky) and it paid off to keep my skilless guys tied down so that I couldn't smash a hole in your defense line early enough to get a Ghoul upfield and screen him. One thing I do wish for though: To get my players to actually use their skills to remove players from the field instead of this namby-pamby pussyfooting!

Good luck further on!
-Barm

A Losing Winners Perspective

Before the S8 League started

Mood: Well, at least it can't be worse

My result with Getingarna in S7 was only 1 Win. So my primary goal for S8 was to get to the play-offs. The secondary goal was to win more matches than I lose. After the final match ending up in 2nd seed was way better than I expected. No matter what happened in the play-off I feel like a winner. Especially because I really feel that I have taken my skills to a new level during the season.

Before the Quarter-Final

Mood: Cautiously Optimistic

It felt strange to feel like a favorite in the matchup. At least that was how I felt. I did know I was quite lucky in our first match and that wood elf's can win almost no matter what. However, I liked my team and their skills, along with the, very, damaged team of Kvasilad it felt like I had a good chance. I decided to go for the hitting game.
I was really afraid of leap before the match and feared Kvasilad would hire Jordell so I was quite happy when I saw he added 3 mercenary (to get 11 players), 1 fireball, 1 doctor and 1 "get-back-in-the-game-now" drug. Seems Kvasilad also feared to get hit a lot.

Drive 1

Mood: Nervous

As expected, Kvasilad let me start the offence. I grabbed the ball and quickly formed a big cage. The elves must have had a serious talk about risk management. No war dancers leaping into my cage and no blocking. In turn 2 the fireball appears but only takes down one defender, pheew. For the first 4 turns I almost only got one block a turn due to blitz. Instead I just zig-zagged forward, hitting where I could and slowly reaching the TD zone. In turn 5 the elves moved in to mark my cage. In turn 6, I could finally make my first TD. I would have preferred to wait a little longer but since I had not been able to cause a single KO so far there were too many elf's in the way to be certain of a TD if I waited. In hindsight it would probably have been better to start some serious blocking since I was so close to scoring that he had to get in close contact with me.

Drive 2

Mood: Calm

So, the animals had 3 turns to score. However I set up a stupid defence so they managed to score in only two turns. I don't know why but I set up my usual column defence against bashy teams instead of a zig-zag defense used against agile teams. So it was quite easy for my opponent to just block down my LOS guys and form a cage in the middle of my half. I tried to block the wardancer who had the ball with my tackle guy, 2D, RR but nothing but pushes. After that I put every man around the elves. So he had to make a leap and two dodges, into some TZ, to score, and that he succeeded with.

Drive 3

Mood: Annoyed at my own stupidity and at leap

Just one turn left of the second half. 3 loner elfs on the LOS and the rest of the elf team was nowhere to be seen, oh wait, there they were, hidden as far away as possible. Ok, picked up the ball, made a pass and knocked down the 3 loners but as usual, no damage.

HALF-TIME, 1-1

Drive 4

Mood: This will be a long match...

Time for me to kick. This time I set up a better defense. The elf's get the ball and starts an offensive on the right flank. I move over, build up some defense that will make it hard for him to pass. This he recognizes (or did he plan to change flank already from the beginning?) and one hand over, one pass and a lot of running the ball is suddenly within striking distance far down on my left flank. Aarrgh, the wood elves are really fast. The ones I intended to hit down are dodging away and form a wall for me and in my next turn I realize that I cannot stop him from scoring. It is a perfect offense from the woodies.

So I do the only thing I can, try to put pressure on him to get as many turns as possible to score in my next drive. But first I make sure to kick, really hard, on one war dancer that have actually failed a rather meaningless leap. Yay, badly hurt, NO, the extra hired doctor heals him completely. :( Kvasilad thinks hard about how long he can hold me off but only dares to wait one turn extra so in t11 he scores.

Drive 5

Mood: Headache is starting

Ok, 5 turns to score, should not be impossible. I get the ball and form a cage, once again Kvasilad refuses to take risk and to get into close combat. I do not zig-zag that much since I have less time. Basically I just make sure to blitz a hole and move my team through it, which is rather easy since I'm never marked. I do actually manage to badly hurt one loner elf in this drive. I do not remember that much about the drive except that I never feel threatened, in t16 I just simply walk in for the equalizer TD.

FULL TIME, 2-2

Drive 6

Mood: Frustrated

How to stop the elf? So far in the match none of us have been able to do anything to stop the other from scoring. I use my superior blocking and guard to force my way through and he just leaps over me or run past me. But the Partly Animals have a clear advantage when the 4 extra rounds start. They start with the ball. So my only chance is to stop him and hope for 4 new extra rounds.

I put up a good defense. He is one man short and finally his tree takes root for the first time. So I have a number advantage. This time he blocks his way through on my right side and gets within striking distance. I mark the ball carrier and his small two man cage completely and also brings up a second line of defense around him. After some calculation we can see that the war dancer will score with a 3+, 3+, 2+ dodge/leap combo, with no RR.
The dices are rolling, 4,6,5, and he scores. Sigh.

Drive 7

Mood: Hopeless?

I do have 2 turns so it is not completely hopeless. I make some holes and get through with 3 guys that are all within striking distance. However, he has 10 guys and just gangs up 3 on them each. So turn 20, I must score now, which requires a handover (2+), pass (3+), catch (4+), dodge (4+), gfi (2+). I do have a RR due to skills for the pass, catch and dodge.

I make a handover, OK, a pass, RR, OK, catch NOK, RR and another 1. Game over.

END RESULT, 2-3

Some Afterthoughts

The match took 3,5 hours to play. It was quite intense all the time with a lot of positioning, many nerve wracking moments and was mostly not decided by the dice.

I did check some stats in BBmanager after the match and I can see that I was unlucky with the armor rolls, the tree man dominated my ogre completely, I had an unusually high amount of pushes and kvasilad had quite a high success rate with dodges and leaps. So in some regard my feeling of fighting the uphill battle not being able to utilize my better armor seems to be valid. However, I can't say the dice decided this match. For example, I got 3 extra RR due to kick-offs event and Kvasilad were not able to hurt my team either.

When looking back I think the defining moment of this match, as it played out, was Kvasilad being able to score the equalizer in the first half. After that the timing was on his side. It would have been better for me to wait scoring my first goal. I would have gotten more blocks in and he gotten much less time to score back and when the timing on the drives would have been on my side.

Anyway, I felt that I mostly played well and did what I could do. Congratulations to the Partly Animal who played a very good game. From now on I will cheer for the Leaping elfs all the way to the title!

/Hakos

Great analysis, hakos :)

I really wanted to write a full match report for this game, but I'm just going to have to conclude that I won't find the time for it this week.

I did indeed consider going for a star player, but really wanted that fireball (which was pretty much a dud despite hitting 5 of your guys) and an apoc. At 310k inducements, I could've gone Jordell and babes, and maybe I should have. I really thought the fireball could have been able to turn one drive around for me though, but it made no particular difference, just like last time.

You're right that I was a lot more cautious this time around, I guess in part due to the thrashing I received from Nurgle in my last match-up. I did buy a new thrower for this match, but in retrospect I should probably have just gone for 4 journeymen instead of 3 and saved up to buy a loner after the game... after all, one of my loners scored a TD and got MVP, so it was quite sad to not be able to afford the 8 SPP guy..

Your analysis of the first half seems spot-on, you could've secured the 1-0 by either stalling longer (although that would've been a bit risky if I remember correctly) or setting up a more robust defensive formation on drive 2. Even if you had been able to take my WD down with that tackler, odds are that I could've recovered the ball with some of my other cage elfs and still gone on to score the equalizer. As it turned out, I just needed a 3+ with RR for leap, and a 2+ with dodge rr to score, which is pretty safe by elf standards.

I think you may be too hard on yourself in your drive 4 analysis. With so many fast players, you can't really totally prevent me moving from flank to flank, and that's pretty much my bread'n'butter if your center is strong (which it was this time around, as opposed to drive 2). If I get reasonably good dodge dice and keep most of my elves on the pitch, it's hard to do anything about it. If Nuffle had granted you a few casulties, it's another story, but I was more cautious and gave you fewer chances to cause them this game.

The last TD was luck-based, of course. According to odds calculators I seemed to have 55.556% chance of succeeding, given that I had no team RR for the leap, but dodge skill for the following 3+, 2+. Had that failed, it would probably have meant your ball, several downed elves and a game very much in your favour odds-wise. So you could very well make the argument that it all came down to a flip of the coin in the end.

I guess the conclusion could be that it's very very hard to stop Woodies with Nuffle in a supporting role. I think we both played a solid game throughout (probably the best game I've played with this team positioning and risk-wise), and in a tight game, even slight favouring from the dice really matters.

Thanks for the comments, always interesting to compare notes after match. That is the way to become better players. Especially after such a tight match as this was.

I'm still waiting for (longer) match reports from the other quarter finals, by the way.  ;)

Oh, and one final comment about the last TD. You didn't have the dodge skill available on your war dancer, I had positioned my Tackle guys to make sure you lost that. At least for one of the dodges, maybe for both (don't remember exactly anymore).

/Hakos

Sweet Sweet Decay 1 - Cougar Kittens 0. KOs 5-3. Injuries 3-0. Deaths 1-0. I simply got beaten down with armor breaks + injuries on first half and on second half Golden played nice defence and the injury beatdown continued. I'm not so bothered about loss as I made no clear mistakes and I got an inspiration for a match report that I must confess I really like. Bit different this time, it goes like this:

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Boom-Boom-Bam-Bam-Boom-Boom. Drums... There had been drums there. The day that her bow broke... Back when she was Ktesippe... Ktesippe Strong Bow. But then her bow had broken... She walked forward following her sisters who strolled along the dark corridor with confidence and their heads held up high. Like true Amazon warriors. But they were just players. Not like the warriors in the sisterhood she had hunted with –Akantha, Bright Moon, Arethea, Teleplyia... so many. Now she was with players of a meaningless game. Her shoulders sagged. Blood Bowl... What did they know about blood. There had been so much of it... The corridor was getting brighter and the drums sounded louder, BOOM-BOOM-BAM-BAM-BOOM-BOOM. Like the drums of the lizards that day... More than hundred of them, mostly skinks, standing on the other side of the shallow of the creek, the small lizards with their bows and daggers led by the big Kroxigor with six saurus guards. They turned a corner and suddenly she saw sun further ahead – shining from the end of the corridor. Sun had shone also on that day, the day that her bow broke. She and her sisterhood, all 20 of them against the whole tribe of the lizardmen. Now she was alone... NO! Not alone, these sisters might not be true amazon warriors but they were her sisterhood now. She looked around her and saw Christina nodding at her and smiling encouragingly. She was their leader. She had been told that there were only two sisters who had taken the field more times than Christina.... The beautiful Lana, the catcher, and Jennifer. Christina had told her that they had played... Played. There had been no play on that day... Sun shining high above their heads, skinks beating on the drums, shouts getting louder and louder and then finally the Kroxigor yelled a war-cry and the jungle had erupted into...

SHOUTS! YELLING! WHISTLES! They were so loud... She felt the warm sun on her face and for a moment she had trouble seeing where she was. Then she saw them, people sitting on the benches, people standing and hopping around high above them on creaking wooden perches, people yelling, people shouting. More people that she had ever seen... She saw humans, big trolls, elf and there were dwarfs, small but still bigger than skinks... Some of the skinks started running towards them while others were sending volleys of arrows at them. Akantha had shouted to hold up their shields and then she had turned towards her and said...

"You all right Vanessa? It may be bit dizzying at first but you'll get used to it fast. Just wait here in the dugout and take your time getting your bearings, we'll be playing defense first, the rotters won the toss and chose to receive." Christina turned away and ran to the field. It was green, not as deep green as the jungle but it still reminded her of home. Vanessa –she wasn't yet used to that name. When the strange man – Coach – had laid his eyes on her for the first time, he had said: "Dark hair, dark brown eyes, petite... You look like Vanessa, so you're Vanessa. Forget your old name. Forget your past life. Forget what you did or didn't do to end up here. You're now Vanessa and you're a linewoman in the finest Amazon Blood Bowl team this side of the river." The river... It had turned bloody the moment she let go of her first shaft. She didn't hear the sound of the hit from all the yelling and splashing but she saw the skink drop its bow and then slowly fall...

"SHE'S KNOCKED OUT! Get her out from there!" She almost jumped as Coach yelled right by her ear. She turned to the field and saw some caretaker-goblins carrying Mila out from the field. She looked lifeless when the goblins tossed her to the dugout but then she could hear her groa..."WHAT THE HELL! CAN'T BE SERIOUS! HOUSE, TAKE A LOOK AT HER!" Her ears started ringing. The goblins were carrying another of her Sisters out, looked like Natalie. She was conscious but she was grimacing and there was blood oozing from between her lips. They looked red and bloody... She had never seen so much blood for they had never hunted a pack so big before. First of the skinks were getting close to their front line...

"Line is down and they got the ball... What's the stat on Natalie, House!"

"Here ribs are broken, she won't be able to play in the next game if I don't fix them right now. Should I do it, Coach?"

"No!" – NOOO! Akantha had shouted in despair when she saw her twin-sister fall. Sister of both blood and sisterhood, the pain must've been too much for Akantha to bear for she left the rank and leaped at the saurus who had felled Ereyatha. She was hitting the saurus furiously and with abandon to her own safety. The saurus was clawing at Akantha as its club was still stuck in Ereyatha's smashed head. Akantha's sword broke as she hit it deep between the scales of the saurus and she started pounding on the beast with her fists, driving the broken sword deeper while the claws of beast dug through her flesh. Both of them were roaring in rage and then suddenly they both stopped and for a moment just stood there frozen before collapsing...

"DOWN! She got him down and the ball's loose!" She snapped her head up and saw that her sisters had brought down the chaosman that had been carrying the ball. The horned beast that they had warned her about, the one that was rumored to be a fine tackler, had apparently knocked himself out while trying to block Greta and her sisters had taken hold of the opportunity. They were now all around the ball but the chaosmen were rushing at them and then one of them hit down Jennifer – and Alyssa. She saw Scavo go down and the goblins were yet again carrying knocked out Jennifer towards her. She stood up, her blood shouting for her to take the field but Coach grabbed her and screamed at her...

"DON'T! SHE'S TO RIGG! HOLD THE LINE!" Moonshine had taken command and was yelling orders while holding the skinks at bay. She turned away from Akantha's lifeless body and saw...

...Christina lying lifeless on the makeshift operating table while the sisterhood's healer Hugh House was feverishly pushing on her chest. She looked at the field, there were only six of her sisters against the eleven of the chaos and one of the chaosmen had broken away and was running towards the end of the field and then everything erupted into shouts...

"WHAAAA!"
"GOT IT! She's alive, Christina's OK!"
"TOUCHDOWN! GIVE A BIG HAND OF APPLAUSE TO LUKE THE ALIENATOR!"
"GET READY FOR BEATDOWN PLAY GIRLS!"
"SAUSAGES! BEER! BLOODWEISER BEER!"
"HURRAAA!!". "HRAAAAHHWAAAHHH!!" The Kroxigor was yelling in fury as her shafts kept slaying skinks all around the great beast. But then she had ran out of arrows. Moonshine saw this and ordered her: "Check Aedon's body! Get her arrows and then..."

"GET ONTO THE LINE VANESSA! We're getting slaughtered here, we need everybody out there! We've got a half to get the tying score and I'll be damned if we don't do it! Be it blizzard or not!" It had started snowing. She had never seen snow before, it never snowed in the jungle. The blood-speckled field had received a beautiful white cloak but then the blood beneath the snow started seeping through and red speckles were appearing all around where her sisters had been beaten down. She took the line as they had taught her in practice. Just before the whistle blew she glanced at Christina who nodded at her and smiled. Then the whistle blew and she burst into action. She slammed onto the rotter standing before her and send it flying through the air with Greta helping her. From the corner of her eye she saw that Hayden had caught the ball that had landed right at her. Hayden started running to the right and Vanessa was following her just as she had been taught. A rotter got onto her way and she had to stop but then Hodge was there and while Hodge was keeping the rotter in place she slammed her fist right between its eyes and the creature dropped down and she saw the goblins running there to take the rotting sack of flesh away. She felt so alive and realized that first time in months she was smiling. Their route to the endzone was blocked but they had no trouble holding the chaosmen away from Hayden. She turned around to look at Christina and saw...

...the Kroxigor tear into their front line with the few remaining skinks...

...how the horned chaosbeast slammed into Christina's back. It seemed like time had stopped as she saw the horn come through Christina's chest and there was so much blood... Spraying everywhere as the lone Kroxigor slashed right and left with the handful of her sisters dodging and blocking as best as they could... Christina's dead body fell to the ground and time snapped back on. The chaosmen were hitting with reckless abandon and she saw Alyssa get knocked out. Then Coach yelled "ROUNDABOUT!" and she and the sisterhood burst into action instinctively, changing sides in mid-run and leaving the chaosmen to the other flank. She took down another rotter in mid-run and followed close to Hayden who was running at the midfield. At the edge of the field Hayden turned sharp and started running towards the goal but then she saw the tackling beast coming towards Hayden. She tried to shout a warning but the beast was just too fast and slammed right into Hayden. Hayden fell down and ball skipped loose. Coach was yelling something... "GET IT! GET IT VANESSA!"

"GET IT!" Moonshine yelled and she saw that two of them and the Kroxigor were the only ones left standing at the battle-field...

"GET THE BALL VANESSA"! The ball was just ahead of her, on the ground, rocking gently. She saw her sister Androdameia take down the horned beast guarding the ball so she sprinted forward, grabbed onto it. The ball was more slippery than he had anticipated and she felt it slip... "NO YOU DON'T YOU STUPID AMAZON WENCH! HOLD IT!" came the order from Coach and she took a firm hold of the ball. She turned around and saw that some of her sisters were forming a line to protect her so she ran behind them. Then she felt something hit her from behind and she was falling down...

Moonshine had fallen down and the Kroxigor – riddled with her shafts and oozing blood from numerous wounds her sisters had put on it – was standing over and was about to raise the club to smite her. She saw that one of the scales on Kroxigor's temple had broken and all she had to do was put a shaft there to bring the beast down. An easy shot for someone who had trained with a bow for all her alive, for a true amazon warrior, for someone like her. Quickly she raised her bow, pulled back the string and then...

...she got up and saw that the ball she had lost had bounced to Greta. She sighed with relief, they were still in control. But the chaosmen had seized the opportunity to run closer and their way to the endzone was blocked. All movement seemed to stop and everybody just kept on blocking, dodging, wrestling and keeping their own stance as best they could. Her sisters were taking the chaosmen down but they kept on getting up time after time while the chaosmen seemed to stun them at will. But they were keeping their line and Greta was safe. But time was running out for them so when Coach finally gave them the order – "HAVE TO DO IT NOW! HAIL MARY RUN! GO FOR IT!" – Greta burst into action and tried to squeeze through the gap that she and rest of the sisters had made for her. She almost got through but then came the tentacles of the chaosbeast and snapped her down. And then a chaoswarrior hit Greta down and the ball scattered loose. She realized that they had as well as lost the game, although Lana still had a chance to go for it with a miraculous play if she, Vanessa, the player of the sisterhood, would just keep the rotter standing before her out of Lana's way. She steadied herself knowing that she would surely take a punishing hit for making this play. True enough, from the corner of her she saw the hit coming just as Lana was starting to move and then...

...her bow broke. Her bow made from the heart of the toughest and most giving of old-wood, bound to her soul by the priestess of Rigg, broke. Splintered just above her fist the bow twitched once and then seized to be a bow and became just broken pieces wood. She could do nothing but stare in horror at her bow and the sight of the Kroxigor bringing down its club and Moonshine was no more. All of her sisters but her were now dead and it seemed like she was looking down at herself when she started to run towards the Kroxigor, screaming senselessly and without any weapons but her fists and fury. Then everything went black.

She woke among her sisters. Their heads were down and their shoulders sagging. They had lost. Lana had fallen down and the chaosmen had left the field as victors. But she didn't care for that. For their loss was greater. They had lost one of their sisters and they didn't even have her body. The disease of the chaos had spread to Christina and her soulless body was now one with the decay. She didn't cry, for children of Rigg leave the crying for the weak. She looked around her and saw that nobody cried. Of course they wouldn't, they were warriors. They were the sisterhood of warriors. They were Cougar Kittens.

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Scouting party of another sisterhood had found her lying under the Kroxigor, all torn up, gazing wounds from claws and teeth all over her body, unconscious but with the heart of the Kroxigor tightly in her fist.

When she had healed, the priestess came to her and told her that there was a man who had heard of her tale and had come looking for her and that he was now offering her a place in a different kind of sisterhood. The priestess told her that she could choose the sisterhood she would join freely but Rigg's guidance pointed that this man's offer was genuine and she should find true sisters if she went with him. She didn't care. She didn't believe. She had no will. She knew that she would have no other sisters than the ones that were now with Rigg, hunting among the stars. But the priestess had said that the man was from far-away lands. So that is why she chose the unknown and went with the man believing that distance would make it easier to heal the wounds of her soul.

A great read, J-R!

Too bad things didn't go the Kitten's way on the pitch, tho... Commiserations to you and congrats to Golden's SSD who probably will have the time of their "life" tearing into Kvasi's Woodies.

Awesome report :) thanks for the game, it was really fun.

Great Report !