Norsca Union League

Quote from: Luiggi on September 22, 2014, 11:37:48 AM
Finally I didn't have to wait until this afternoon to confirm it. I'll see you on the pitch at 20.00!

See you then!

Thanks for solving the mystery with your team name for me, I thought the cola was some italian word play. Never heard of that spanish brand, I think we don't have it here. The most popular brand in Finland is Nestle with that rabbit of theirs, Nesquik. Why, everybody knows that rabbits make the best coco!

Luiggi, my team has a sudden craving for cola-flavored confectionary, I wonder if you could help me with that one? I'm on the final week of my "summer" vacation, so I'm quite available during the following CEST/GMT+2 times:
- Monday (today) - any time
- Tuesday - any time
- Thursday - any time
- Saturday - any time

Let me know if any of those suits you, sir. I know that the timeframes are tight, but hope there's something suitable for you.

Very nice, B-man! You're really busting out good rhymes!

Quote from: kvasilad on July 31, 2014, 06:33:52 PM

Quote from: J-Reedy on July 30, 2014, 06:39:30 PM
PS TO ALL THE NORWEGIANS! I just booked myself into the Oslo Marathon last week so I'll be invading your lovely country in September and I was wondering if any of you folks have any insights into the comic book stores (with english comics/books) / gaming stores in or about Oslo? My google-fu gives me basically these five and few other that don't seem so interesting. Outland seems to be some kind of franchise store that are all about in Norway, is that any good?

Maybe I'll try to see you there :)

Yes, Outland is a franchise store, but it's pretty decent. They used to have multiple locations in Oslo, but they only have one left. It's pretty big, though, so I think you may find something interesting there. I'm not that into comics myself, so I have no clue about the other shops on the list.

Late thanks for the info, Kvasilad, much appreciated. My hotel happens to be near Outland, so I'll visit there for sure. If you happen to be in Oslo and see some runners, keep an eye out for number 16303. He'll be a bugger running in black shorts, white cap and either a red shirt or white+blue sleeveless shirt depending on the temperature.

Day is sunny and the goblin ship is rocking gently, not from the force of the sea but the rhytmical stomping of the spectators who've gathered to witness the Blood Bowl match between the goblin home side Old World Pirates and their northern visitors Fantasy Armor Inc. Seagulls are circling the arena, hoping to snatch condiments from those spectators while some spectators are hoping for some seagull droppings to land on their hot rat buns just to so that it could cover the smell of this tradional delicacy.
Suddenly the crowd goes silent. Goblin kicker DeGhoulash is aiming for the ball, crowd is looking for the kickoff with rising anticipation, waiting to erupt the moment DeGhoulash's foot strikes the pig-skin. Suddenly, the troll Blackbeard springs to action, tired of waiting for the kick, and grabs DeGhoulash's feet and taking a giant backswing, swings DeGhoulash like a basherball bat, hitting the ball square on center with the giant "BONG". Nobody is sure if the bong comes from DeGhoulash's skull or the ball, but nobody cares: crowd jumps on their feet and starts yelling, chanting, mocking opposing fans and cheering for the giant ogre who has grown tired of the tasteless rat buns and is now chomping down nearby goblin fans. Norse front line springs into action and downs two trolls and goblins, but nobody is hurt as these goblins are expert seafairers which in goblin world means that they have learned to fall safely from the ship's mast onto the deck. Ball flies deep into the norse side and even the norse kickoff return specialist Kal Utan can't reach it.

Kal Utan snaps up the ball from the deck and springs forward. At the same time, the goblin bombardier Captain Hook decides to let his bomb fly! The smoking sphere is flying towards the norse line but Wristrengthy Guard is on guard and bats the bomb back to Hook. The bombardier's mouth drops as he sees the bomb coming towards him and the small arms raise and try for a desperate grab. Bomb sails through the Hook's fingers but fortunately for the goblin, the bomb hits the him smack in middle of his forehead and drops onto his hands. Puzzled Hook glances at his hands and seeing the burning wick, quickly tosses the bomb back to Wristrenghty. The norse lineman isn't puzzled but picks up the bomb with grace and hurls it back towards the goblins, this time aiming slightly more away from the bombardier. Captain Hook jumps up and it looks like he's about to get intercept the bomb but right at that moment the norse yhetee Finnjävel lets out a giant fart! The smell snakes through the field as fast as a thought and reaches the sinuses of Hook just as he is about to close his hands on the bomb. Poor bombardiers mind explodes as it registers the stench, not even a childhood on a pig farm surrounded by glue, paper and Mama's Delicacy Rat Pie factories has prepared his senses for this foul sensation. Hook's eyes widen and his brains signal to close up the nostrils which causes to small goblin to spasm as all his muscles tighten up. The bomb flies through his twisting fingers and lands between his team-mates Hagis McMutton and Charles DeGhoulash. Two goblins hear the thud from their feet and glance down. As the goblin duo raises their head, their eyes meet and both of them see from the eyes of the other one, what needs to be done. McMutton is the faster one of the goblins, so he manages to give DeGhoulash a bumb that causes the goblin to fall on the bomb. As the smoke clears, McMutton finds himself lying on the field but after some patting, he finds himself unharmed. The goblin grins happily and he's grin gets even wider when he sees the ushers carrying badly mangled DeGhoulash into the injury box.

Meanwhile, Kal Utan is progressing towards the goal, and all around him goblins, trolls and norse are struggling. The troll Captain Blackeard is the first one to cause serious hurt as he smashes his fist into norse star blitzer Frazzy Etta's head, the blitzer falls down limp and he's carried off badly hurt. The norse respond by downing numerous goblins but these are true seafearing goblins, little buggers seem to bounce off the planks unhurt. Captain Hook let's another bomb fly but this time it Abby Enchancer who swats the bomb away. Bomb hits the field near some goblins but explodes harmerlessly after taking couple of bounces. Kal Utan sees that Abby Enhancer is standing well protected smack in center of the field, so he let's the ball fly! As Abby Enhancer sees the ball coming towards him, he gets flashback to the bomb he swatted away seconds earlier and so it is only natural that he does what he does, swatting the ball high up the air. He snaps into reality as the norse coach let's out a giant roar of anger and realizing his mistake, he jumps towards the ball and manages to catch it before it hits the field. As he turns towards the goblin goal line, he spies from the corner of his eye that the norse fanatic Captain Dread has started swinging the ball and chain and is now hoppling uncontrollably on the field. Giggling wildly Dread smashes into Wavylocke Helm Deluxe and the norse werewolf Coldwell who are guarding the troll Blackeard. Chain hits Wavylocke's feet from behind and the lineman is stunned as back of his head strikes the planks. Coldwell gets the business end of the fanatic's heavy weapon as the spiked ball finds a pair of smaller balls. Coldwell let's out a whimpering howl and drops onto the deck. The ushers shutter from sympathy as they carry the badly hurt werewolf off the field.

Norse are suddenly seriously undermanned, so Abby Enchacer springs to action! He runs toward the corner with three of his fellow norsemen following and straightarming any goblins trying to get into way. It almost looks like the linenorse has a free route to the goal line but suddenly knocked down goblins start getting up, dodge away from the leather-clad bearded norsemen guarding them and swarm Abby Enhancer! Captain Hook, the brave bombardier is the fastest of the goblins and manages to block the running route. Unfortunately for him, Abby Enhancer has gathered up momentum and he won't be stopped, Enhancer smashes into Hook, who flies backwards. The goblin lands on his behind and is unhurt but he doesn't have time to get up and he can only watch as Enhancer dodges away from another goblin and sprints to the goal. Touchdown!

First half is about to end but the goblins still have more than enough time for a score. Two trolls line up on the center, away from the norse defenders. The kick is deep but McMutton is standing almost under the ball, so the goblin turns his head upwars in anticipation as the ball is sailing towards him. It's coming closer, closer - he can almost see the seams... CRACK! McMutton falls to the deck. The giant ogre who had dined on fellow spectators earlier had finally managed to get loose that annoying thing that had bothered him between his teeth throughout the first half. The grey bit of metal helmet crushed into a ball seemed like a pebble on the hands of the ogre as he tossed it away but for poor McMutton it proved to be projectile big enough to knock him out.

Goblins aren't dazed from the disappearance of their fellow greenskin. Captain Greenskin pogoes to the ball, picks it up and starts jumping towards the front line where the norse defenders have been either pushed back or knocked down. The norse know what is coming, so two closest linemen swarm the trolls. The linemen are trying to hold the trolls at bay and prevent them from picking up fellow goblins. Nipple Guard Deluxe is so concentrated on struggling with Blackbeard that he doesn't notice that Bootstrap Bill is climbing on the shoulders of his team-mate. BANG! Nipple Guard Deluxe goes down from the hit to the head and Captain Blackbeard is free! Greenskin pogoes to the scene and slams the ball to Guybrush Threepwood. Guybrush's eyes go wide as he sees the ball in his hand and he tries to sprint away. The little goblin feet are going as fast as they can but the goblin isn't moving anywhere but upwards as Blackbeard graps the little guy from his collar. Guybrush starts praying and as he is going up, he feels a moment of hesitation in the upwards movement as Blackbeard's stomach lets out a small growl... But the signal from the troll's stomach to it's brains is too slow and Guybrush sighs in relief as he is hoisted high down, hurled backwards and then tossed forwards. Guybrush can see the norse players beneath him as he starts to fall down. Blackbeard's throw is excellent, the goblin falls down between two norse players and there's nobody between him and the goal. Guybrush nails the landing, springing into his feet after a controlled tumble and then he let's his feet loose. TOUCHDOWN! Crowd erupts and the game is tied!

Second half is about to start and the crowd is eying the skies nervously. Dark clouds have gathered over the goblin ship. The moment that Abby Enhancer's foot touches the ball, the skies open and a steady shower of rain starts pouring down. Spectators groan and pucker up - those who came prepared open up their umbrellas. The hungry ogre isn't one of the prepared ones, so he decides to grab a halfling with an umbrella. Small halfling makes fine extension for the umbrella's handle so that umbrella manages to extend over the ogre's head.

As the ball is in the air, Captain Dread the fanatic starts to swing at the front line. After two steps backwards and two sideways he finally manages to land a blow on Protectacrotzh Deluxe's collar bone. Protectacrotzh's shoulder slumps as the bone is shattered and the linenorse is ushered off the field. Rest of the norse front line falls down also, stunned from a chainsaw blow and a troll-swat. Goblins seem to be getting a dominating start! Then Captain Hook decides to act. The bombardier giggles wildly as he lights the fuse on one of his bombs. He can already see the norse flying through the air from the force of his little explosive toys. Suddenly Hook realizes that the fuse is getting shorter quickly, so he moves his arm backward, ready for the throw. Unfortunately, Hook doesn't account that the rain is making his precious bombs slippery so, as his hand moves backward, the bomb slides of from his palm and lands behind him. In middle of the forward throwing motion Hook glances at his hand and sees it empty. "Oh Dear" is only thing he manages to utter before the bomb explodes. Hook is knocked down but he is unhurt, being a true seafairing goblin. Same can't be said for Captain BlackBart who is rocked forward from the force of the blast. The wiley goblin was holding his chainsaw close to his body to protect it from the rain and as he hits the ground, both the chainsaw and BlackBart let out a scream - one following the other. McMutton, back on the field, waves to his chainsaw wealding team-mate as he is carried of the field. Then sure-hander McMutton picks up the slippery ball and starts running toward the centre, aiming for the protective care of the troll captains. Blackbeard is doing his best to provide safe cover for McMutton by knocking out one of the norse runner. Everything seems to going smooth for the goblins, they already have two of the norse off the field while they are only missing their chainsawing mate.

Finnjävel is getting angry. He doesn't like how the coach had yelled at him during halftime. And why? Just because Finnjävel had spotted that nice vixen of a female-yhetee in the stands and let out a few of his wildy animalistic growls once. Or maybe it was twice. Well, could've been three or four, Finnjävel isn't so good at remembering stuff. And now it's raining, and Finnjävel knows the water will knot up his fur. And now the coach is yelling at him again, telling him to do something, what is it? Something about Morgan? Finnjävel looks at the giant troll who is holding away his fellow team-mates nearby. Then he sees Morgan wink at the crowd. Finnjävel's gaze sprints to the stands, following the wink. It's the vixen yhetee.

Captain Morgan chuckles, it's that funny feeling again that makes him tickle. The troll captain can't remember what it is. He tries to remember but thinking is hard. Last thing he remembers is seeing that good-looking furry trollette in the stands. It's dark. Why is it? Mysterious. Just like those hard grayish things near his cave that just lie around and are hard to break, very mysterious they are. Morgan feels his face with his hand. Oh, his eyes are closed. Maybe that's why it's dark. He decides to open up one of them to see if it helps. It's the man-thing that keeps telling him to hit things! Morgan can't understand why is he on the deck, he usually stands on the side. Now it tickles again. Morgan glances downwards where it's tickling and sees that his belly and chest seem more flatter than usual and they are tingling. The man-thing is talking. Something about finny navel going crazy and bones broken but regret and naration working. Captain Morgan is puzzled.

With Morgan out, the norse have gotten upper hand. Captain Dread is doing his best, flailing around wildly with his ball and chain but the norse are only getting stunned and the ball-carrying McMutton is feeling pressure. So the goblin decides to move from right to left flank. His team-mates follow, dodging out and everything seems safe for a moment. But then the norse come at them again. Blackbeard the troll goes down and McMutton feels exposed, so he decides to run it deeper to norse side. He's feeling exposed as only of his goblin mates is running along so he yells for Sid to follow them. Sid hears him and starts to run towards them. Then McMutton sees something he doesn't want to see. Sid steps on a norse lineman's foot and falls down. McMutton watches in horror as Sid bounces of the planks and then he sees the foot that Sid slipped on turn towards him. McMutton's eyes dart upward, it's the norse lineman that scored the touchdown and he is coming towards him fast. Real fast. BLAM! McMutton is lifted up and he feels the ball slip loose. He falls down and all around him his team-mates are doing the same. Captain Greenskin falls down all the way up from his pogo-stick and hits the deck head frist. There's a nasty crack as the small goblin skull is fractured. Kal Utan sprints to pick up the ball, but even the sure-handed norse thrower has hard time picking up the ball in this pouring rain, and the ball just bounces away.

Both goblins and norse swarm around the ball, both sides trying to pick it up but the ball proves too slippery for Cabin Boy Marty and then for Wavylocke Helm. Clock is running down so two norse break out towards the goblin side to wait for a pass in case somebody gets up the ball up. Finally Kal Utan does just that, hauling in the wet ball and running to the cage that he's team-mates have formed for him. Now it's just a run towards the center line, pass to the Roy Oh and then nothing but the goal. Kal Utan can already see how he's arm will swing backwards and then come back forwards with power and grace and how the ball will leave...
...the bomb leaves Captain Hook hand and the bombardier can see it sailing towards the two norse in the scoring distance. Giggling wildly Hook realizes that the throw is perfect. The bomb hits the ground between the norse and BOOM! Kal Utan watches in horror as both Steeltoe Boots and Luis Roy Oh fly away from the blast and fall to the ground limp, the Roy Oh stunned and Boots knocked out. The referee is already eying the clock, there's no time to run the ball. It's a tie!

------
This was a very-very goblin-like game with crazy things happening. I had trouble breaking the gobbo armor in the first half so the gobbos dominated the injury game against me second time in a row. I had to score early because so Gnaar-man had two turns to setup a goblin-toss which worked perfectly. At the start of the second half it seemed that gobbos would continue with the injury domination but then I got the ST6 troll out and injuries started working for me. I got the ball out around half-point of the half but then it took three turns to get get the ball up as there was pouring rain and my guys were feeling snake-eyed. So when the ball got picked up, only two of my guys were on scoring distance and then Gnaarkill's bombardier took down both of them, so that was the end of it. Very good game from Gnaarkill, he played good defence on the first half forcing me to score one turn too early, and changed running directions nicely during his own attack. Thanks again for the nice game, Gnaarkill!

Quote from: Gnaarkill on September 15, 2014, 10:26:14 AM

Anyway, lets meet in the fjords! How about tuesday @20.00?

/Gnaarkill

That's a date, mate. See ya tomorrow at 20!

Ouch... that hurt.

OK, Gnaar-man, time for another game on the sea! I'm off to a funny land with fjords next (or this, depenging when you read this) week, so only the early days work for me. CEST/GMT+2 as per normal:
- Monday any time after 12
- Tuesday any time
- Wednesday any time
- Thursday any time before 15

Let me know if any those times suits you, sir. If not, it'll have to be Monday 22nd.

- Björn! I didn't know you were interested in Blood Bowl!
- Well, I'm not really, but I do like good old timey massacres and I hates me those goblins, thieving away my chickens. So nothing like seeing some green blood spilled.
- So you think the Fantasy Armor Inc. will make some murder today?
- Don't know about any of the Fantasy Shmarmor Inklings, but the Drunklouts I know really know how to hit, tougher bunch you haven't seen. Mark my words, there'll be goblin corpses all around the field.
- So, I gather you haven't been the see the Drunklouts play after Fantasy Armor Inc bought them?
- Naah, every time they've played the gobbos at home, I've been away on business.
- Oh, how's the pillaging and looting business going?
- We don't call it that anymore, it's forced takeover and acquisitions nowadays, as the king-boss likes to call, but it's the same old ravaging, screaming and bezerking there where we do the real work. Going OK, we just sacked three churches on one go on the Bretonnian coast.
- Nice, well, I'm guessing you might be surprised when you see the team now. They also have a new... image. Oh, there they come!
- ....
- What say you Björn?
- ....
- Björn, are you OK?
- WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE?!
- You mean the thongs? They're from Fantasy Armor Inc's fall lineup, "Sexy, Seductive and Safe!" says the slogan.
- WHY AREN'T THEY WEARING ANY ARMOR?! Where's Clyde's steel armor that he got from the Lustrian Spring Sackalooza? I mean, he's famous for that!
- Oh, they just wear the Fantasy Armor stuff nowadays, you wouldn't think when you see them, but they actually seem to be quite safe, the team has had remarkably few serious injuries and only one death in two seasons.
- ARE THEIR OPPONENTS BLIND?! I mean only a blind, one-armed, crippled, flue-ridden snottling with limbs falling of due to lepracy could miss getting casualty from those guys with all that flesh showing!
- Well, the ladies seem to like it, there's been lots of wifefolk showing up lately. And we've had quite a showing of Trollettes coming to the matches after they acquired Finnjävle - he's that big Yhetee over there.
- I'M BLIND! AARGH! Why, why, have they crammed him into that tiny leather thing!
- Come on, it's not that bad when you'll get used to it. Let's just see how the first half goes.
----------------------------------------------------
- I TOLD YOU SO! They got whipped! Look at that, three of them KO'd and Kris got his nerve pinched! And only one gobbo injured, and that just because he fell on his chainsaw when Frazzy-Etta blocked him! They were dominated and now we're even one down on touchdowns! I came to see the gobbos getting whupped good, not some leather-strip mannequins getting tossed around!
- Come on, they KOd three gobbos, it's just that that ball and chain guy of theirs is really getting hot. And don't worry, they've gotten quite good with those fast TDs. Oh! There! I told ya!
- Okey, that was a nice TD, swamping both flanks and then blitzing through after the handoff. BUT THEY DIDN'T INJURE ANY OF THOSE CHICKEN-THIEVING BASTICHES!
- Calm down, I'm sure they'll get something going at the second half...
----------------------------------------------------
- ...they got three players out in three hits... ...and of them was that snow-trolley of ours...
- Hey, cheer up, we won!
- YOU CALL THAT WINNING?! ONLY THREE INJURIES? They were dominated again! That fanatic of theirs was handing out take-outs to our guys faster than waitresses at that new pastrybeef place!
- Oh, you've been to Mickel Donaldsen's? I hear they serve good pastrybeef there. You make it sound worse than it was, our wereguys kept us in play, I mean Clyde took out that trolley, Beerbelly, and then held his own against Ripper and that ball and chain.
- Yeah, well I heard that Clyde has experience on handling ball and chain, I mean have you seen his wife?
- He, that's true, I hear she had to leave that dairy farm she worked on just 'cause she made the milk curdle with here shreaking when she got frenzied.
- Yeah, heh. BUT I'M STILL DISAPPOINTED! THOSE WEREN'T THE DRUNKLOUTS I KNOW!
--------------------------------------------------


Not feeling the groove on the match report today, so that's it. Nice match from Muller, he got the man-advantage in the first half and finally scored relatively easy. Fortunately for me, I managed to pressure the gobbo ball-carrier enough so that Muller decided to score with two turns remaining. So I flooded both flanks with a runner and an escort, Muller place good defence but failed a dodge that would've made the scoring much harder, so I got the equilizer after block-blitz-handoff-dodge. Second half came, and the goblin Fanatic went to work, high point for him being getting one player KO'd and the Yhetee BH'd on same turn. But my players also got their KO and injury rolls going, so the numbers kept even. So, after initial fumbling with the pick-up and the ball-carrier suffering a sudden rash of spontanious, localized lightning strike - followed by another fumbling with the ball after he recovered from the lightning strike - the ball got through to the goblin side from left when most of the gobbos were on the right. Muller still got a go at the ball-carrier with under-strength blitz before my final turn, but that failed. One turn left for gobbos, so goblin-toss was to be expected. However, no rerolls and a nice deep kick kept the score as it was. Nice game from Muller with him showing how goblins really can lay some hurt on low-armor teams - I really fear what the injury numbers could have been if I hadn't gotten the chainsaw out early. Thanks for the game and good luck with the rest of matches!

Quote from: muller71 on September 11, 2014, 06:28:10 AM

Quote from: J-Reedy on September 10, 2014, 07:40:19 AM

All right, let's make it Thursday then with Sunday as a backup if something comes up. See you tomorrow!

Can we play at 19. Have to pick up my wife at 21.
[/quote]

OK, no problem, earlier times are actually better for me, so let's make it 19.

Quote from: muller71 on September 09, 2014, 07:36:37 PM

Hi, Thursday or Sunday starting at 21 CEST sounds good to me.

All right, let's make it Thursday then with Sunday as a backup if something comes up. See you tomorrow!

Howdy-ho, Muller! I just started my final summer vacation weeks, so I'm free as a bird for any time of day on following days:
- Monday (today)
- Tuesday (evening only)
- Wednesday
- Thursday
- Sunday (evening only)

Let me know, if any of those suits you, sir, and which time you prefer (if other than the 21 CET that you seem to like).

And the new SEASON IS ON! Let's see... Hmm, looks like this is the greenest season ever, with four fully green teams and one half green, half furry. No pointy ears at all and over it seems like that in this league finesse will mean that you wipe your hands clean after you've made bloody pulp of your opponent. How about the opening matchups? New Orc City has their own twin-towers - you know, those tall chickeen coops - but they're also getting a visit from team with twin-towers of their own, the question here is if the buzzle of the big city lights will prove to be too lively for the night bowlers. Goblin pirate ships will be put into test, I gues we'll see if they can swim in cola or if the chaos bunch will have sharp enough claws to puncture the hulls of the little green ones. Then there's the equal-opportunity employers of Underworld who'll host the all-green team, interesting start with the coaches from the final of last season going at each other. What else? Well, it looks like the dwarfs have gotten a hint that Snow White might be hanging around in the the science fair, interesting to see if the shorties will prove to be too stubborn for lab experements. And finally, it's the Zlluga gobbos against the norse mannequins, previous matches have resulted in a draw and a victory for the fantastic armour manufacturer, so maybe it's a time for the goblin triumph this time.

PLAY ON!

- WELLCOME DEAR LISTENERS! I'm Gron Grumbundy and this is BLOOD SPORTS SPOTLIGHT - THE magicast for all you folks interested in NORSCA UNION LEAGUE! Today we'll do a recap of the first match week of the new NUL Season. I also have a special treat for you! We're joined by the famous Blood Bowl recearcher, professor I.P. Buckets! Welcome, dear professor!
- Hmmh. I assure you gron, I'm not a professor of deeralogy, I know nothing of deers as I got my doctorships from Blood Bowlalogism and Massacresmith. Although, I've studied antlers a bit, to get a better understanding of the advantages that horned players have on the field.
- Yes, and it's just that interesting combination of different fields of study that have made you so popular! The way you combine the art of massacre in you Blood Bowl analysis really interestingly! I mean a Blood Bowl enthusiastic can not be considered a true connessoir of the game until he has read your masterpieces, The Analysis of Gutting Process of Lustrian Lizard Hunters and The Big Book of Big Guy Bashing Prowess. Once more, professor, thank you for joining us, I'm truly inspired.
- Well, thank you Gron. I must first say that this first match week of NUL or league 178 as it goes in my analysis - you see, I track over 200 Blood Bowl leagues - seemed even more violent than usually, the casually average was really high compered to the mean number of 2,6 casualties per match that is to be expected.
- Oh yes, professor, that was just one of the issues I wanted to bring up! We had quite a start for the season when the last season's finalist team Da Freeboooterz whupped the underworld's pride Warpstone Plumbers 2 to 1 in touchdowns. Nothing special about that, but the casualties! Eight of them!
- What? Off what?
- What?
- You said someone ate off something? Well, can't really say about that not knowing enough about the food vendors at the Underworld Arena, but I'm guessing the most popular food for consumption down there would be rats. Only one of the reasons why there's so usually much tension between the skavens and goblins of underworld teams. But enough of the food, don't know why you brought that up. You also mentioned casualties, Gron. This match had the biggest discrepancy between the casualties scored by teams, as the orcs managed to injure 8 players of the skaven-goblins while none of the orcs were casualtied. I think that this was mostly due to the insight that the orcs have on goblin anatomy and I'm not sure, but I think that the new orc player of the Freeboooters might have underworld origins, so it's only natural that he would know how to hurt the skavens, as witnessed by that magnificent foul that he laid on Lesuk the skaven blitzer. Very inspired and entertaining performance, using steel-toed boots of the prone player as a weapon - classical goblin play matter of fact, first the goblin nicks something sharp from the victim and then smashes him in the head with it.
- Ahem, yes, as you brought up goblins, let's continue with the second match of the week, Zlluga Boys going against Fantasy Armor Inc. Another 2-1 result there with the norse side getting the win but many were surprised as the casualties were split 3-3. What's your opinion about that big but, professor?
- Interesting nickname for Finnjävle, haven't heard that before, but I guess that's accurate, he does have quite a big butt, when compared to average norse size. Yes, Fantasy Armor's Big Butt wasn't up to his high standards, only managing one injury and then getting injured himself later in the match. This was a classical example of a that how one player can make a difference, Gritkrot the Fanatic was on fire - not literally of course, that would be silly, ligthting oneself on fire, doesn't work unless you have some demon blood, although I must confess that the halfling team Baker Boys of Baker Street Bakery were quite succesfull that season when they carried those portable charcoal grills on their backs and cooked meat pies on them during game, kept their casualty rate down quite effectively as they tossed the meat pies to the jaws of all ogres and trolls that tried to eat them, yes, I must admit that the fire aspect worked there but I also must stress that they didn't light themselves on fire. Yes, fine play with the ball and chain!
- What an insight! So if I understand you correctly, you dont' think that this was a catastrophy game for the norse side?
- Don't be silly! They don't hand out trophies in the regular season games! And there's no trophy that features a feline's backside! The closest thing to such trophy would be the Squig's Snothole that is given out in the Lakeland League to the most hated player of the league. But no cat butts, I assure you!
- ...ahmm, all right... WELL! Let's take a look at the third game of the week where the Mad Science Fair proved that little chaos triumps over your ordinary dwarf tactics. In search of snow white had hired Morg for the game but he was knocked out early so the vanilla dwarfs were left under-dwarfed and under-strength for most of the match while the chaos folk by all reports had a phenomenal blocking day. Touchdowns 2 to 0 and casualties 3 against 2. And let's talks the fourth match also at this point - ColaChaos beat the Old World pirates 2-0 in TDs and 8-2 in casualties with BullyCao being responsible for 7 of those injuries. So, professor, in light of these results, I wanted to ask if you thinks this the start of the chaos reign in the NUL?
- No.
- How can you be so sure, professor?
- Well, for first, NUL doesn't don't have any Lustrian teams this season, and Lustria is the only region where they have rain season. Most of the league's teams come from regions with temperate climate, so prolonged rain is not to be expected, and I'd estimate there being about 1 in 12 chance of rain in any match this season. And secondly, rain is chaotic by nature, there are so many outside factors that influence the rain fall - you know the old saying that a goblin's fart in Badlands could cause thundersorm in Kislev. That is the popularisation of the flatulance theory that has proved the chaotic nature of rain. So when you say "chaos rain" it sounds as stupid as "wet water" or " dumb troll".
- ... I stand corrected, professor. Let me ask you another question. Do you think that the chaos teams will do good in NUL this season?
- Hhmmm... That's is an interesting question. Chaos gods tend to be considered evil by common analysis, but they are also chaotic, so I'm guessing there is a chance that the chaotic randomness can cause some good by accident. But I think your getting too philosophical here, Gron. Let's stick to Blood Bowl! Very succesful week for the chaos sides, the two teams really showed the two different ways injuries and knock-outs can help you win the game. You can either target and take out the key player as the Science Fair did or try to go for indiscriminate mass extinction as the Colas.
- What about their opponents? Do you have any piece of insight for them?
- Inside from what?
- What?
- Well, I guess you're referring to the fact that most peas grow inside pods. But I'm not into farming, and I must confess that peas give me gas, so I wouldn't be growing peas if I was interested in farming.
- Yeeess.... Ahem, about the Pirate goblins, professor. Do you think that the little naval skills that the pirates have could be have some use on the Blood Bowl field?
- Oh, do the goblins have some special skills concerning belly buttons? Oh yes, I think some of them have navel piercings, yes... Didn't know that doing those required special skills, so I'm not really prepared to answer that thoroughly but I think that any extra knowledge about the abdominal region and piercing through navels could be used to cause extra hurt for opponents but that I think that it would require use of sharp instruments and those are banned from the field - not that they aren't used, of course. Players will try to smuggle in anything they find useful but the refs are quite good at spotting any dangerous instruments. But for example, who could forget the legendary halfling blocker Froddo "Baggs-em-in" Bilbo, the master of smuggling. He used to work as a jewelry liberator in the Marienburg markets and he used the skills acquired there quite succesfully. They still talk about that game where he smuggled in - in his person - knuckledusters for whole team, three daggers, iron anvil, three dozen chicken pies - he ate them all during the game, which I consider to be almost as impressive as the smuggling aspect - warhammer and an olifant! That must've been a sight.
- ...Thank you, professor, for that PIECE OF INSIGHT. Well, one match left and that would be the only draw of the round. 1 td and 1 casualty for both teams in the New Orc Gitz versus the Nattbowlarna matchup. How about it, professor, why didn't either of these teams manage to out-muscle the another one?
- What an apt figure of speech, Gron. Truly inspired, out-mussel! Yes, both offensive lines seemed tight as a clam, so defences had hard time trying to open them. I must say I started to worry that you had lost your mind with all the silly stuff you kept asking me but that genious of a metaphor shows that you just must've been kidding with me. Yes, in light of the numbers the level of blocking wasn't very good for either team. And both of the teams are more on the side of physical spectrum, so when neither team manages to get an upper-hand, this kind of result is to be expected. In fact, NUL does seem to be so physical this year, that these kinds of results may be quite common. Not a lot of finesse players out there, it does seem to be all about strength and armor this year!
- Thank you, professor, I fear that our time is running out. We'll be back later as we head into the second match week. Lot's of exiting games this week, and lots of physical play to be seen, as the professor said. Stay tuned folks, this has been Blood Sports Spotlight and I'm Gron Grumbundy, have a week!

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- J-R here folks, sorry for all the bad puns, but I woke up feeling punny and inspired today!
- HULK DON'T THINK PUNNY HUMAN IS FUNNY! HULK SMASH!
- No wait!
*SMASH*
- PUNY ADMIN

Goblin Taimes, issue 3/17, Excerpt from the Sports section:
Go Go Goblins Go Go Win Gobwin!
The happy news of the week come from the Blood Bowl league NUL where the 2nd match week of the season was played last week and the goblin representatives Zlluga Boys and Old World Pirates proved to be unbeatable! Zlluga boys showed that pure goblin power is superior to mineroid-pumping and alliances with weaker races as the 'boys took a win over the Underworld Plumbers. This reporter of Goblin Taimes let himself be told that the Zlluga's were so dominating, that the underworld team is considering to returning to the plumbing business. Win over the sullied ones, Go Goblins, Gobwin!
As told, the other proud representative of our race, Old World Pirates, were also undefeated in their match agains the almost bare-naked man side of Fantasy Armor Inc. The match ended in a draw but the goblin team was clearly superior on the field! However, once again, the star player Captain Hook caused two casualties but was awarded no casualties in official statistics. An outrage! Also, as is customary, Captain Hook once again officially apologized for two of his team-mates for hurting them. Draw against the furry humans, Go Goblins!
Goblin domination continued also in the ColaChaos versus the Da Freeboooterz match where the brains of the dum green ones, their goblin star player Cheezeburga, massacred the chaos minotaur so badly that the beast had to be carried off the field. Cheeseburga's brave sneak-attack helped the otherwise inadept big greens to a 1-1 draw. Cheezeburga da champion, Go Goblins!
The other big green team of the league, New Orc Gitz decided to play their match against the Mad Science Fair without goblin power. Dum green ones! They lost, proving that the dum green ones need goblin wisery to have a chance to win. Goblin wisery, Go Goblins!
The final report comes from the once-dead Nattbowlarna's victorious match against the dwarf team In search of snow white. The highlight of this match was the new record in the rat-bun sales by an individual vendor. The new record holder is Ronnald McDonnald and he's a goblin! McDonnald the goblin got the record, Go Goblins!
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Excerpt from the small news section of Tombville Towne Cryer issue 3b/17:
Goblin pickpocket arrested during the Nattbowlarna match
Stadium security arrested a curious goblin pick-pocket during the latest Nattbowlarna match. According to the official law enforcement reports the said goblin thief of the name of Ronnald McDonnald had managed to acquire a record number of purses by the curious method of replacing his victims purses with rat-buns so that the victims wouldn't notice the disappearance of their purses by the sudden lightening of their purse strings. The security officials however became aware mr. McDonnald's connivery when the foul aroma of rat-buns overwhelmed the B-section of the stands and caused sudden sickness in several spectators. According to officials, the unusually high-concentration of rat-buns was close to causing a dangerous situation of mass-poisoning that was only avoided by the quick thinking of security official that gathered up the rat-buns and dumped them to nearest safe waste deposal unit. McDonnald will be charged for 604 cases of petty-theft and 603 cases of attempted poisoning.
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Excerpt from the TROLLY ROCKTHINGS, issue MANY/MANY:
BIG MIRRACLE!
STOMPA GO SEE BASHING! BONY-THINGS BASH HAIRY SMALL THINGS! STOMPAS SHINY ROCK THING HOLDING THING TURN TO FOOD! STOMPA EAT FOOD! FOOD GOOD! TASTE FURRY! BONY THING COME AND GIVE STOMPA MORE FOOD! STOMPA FEEL GOOD! MIRRACLE!