NUL SEASON ENDING REVIEW BONANZA SPECTACULAR
- WELCOME! The sultry voice you’re listening right now belongs to Gron Grumbundy, that’s me, and the reason you’re listening to me is probably that either you’re a female and the understandably attracted to my voice or that you’re interested in the toughest, the most brutal and the flashiest Blood Bowl league out there. I’m of course talking about Norsca Union League! NUL just finished its fifth season and we have lots to tell and comment about the subject. You might’ve notice that we’ve had bit of an erratic schedule lately. I apologize for this fact, the reason is the unfortunate rat infestation. You see, it seems that the opening of the new cheese factory last month attracted quite a lot of skaven tourism to our fine city and the landlord of our humble magicast studios decided to rent out our studio building as a temporary motel to our furry friends. However, as our landlord started his new fur and dog-food business, the situation has surprisingly eased and we got our studios back. But enough of the chit-chat, let’s get down to business of chit-chatting about the important stuff! Today we have no special guests, as we decided we have enough expertise with our regular contributors, the coffee-boy extraordinaire, Nippy, and our resident statshound Gall'p Keines! Welcome lads!
- Thank you mr. Grumbundy!
- Errmm… thanks mr Gron… But I thought we didn’t have no guests cause of that stuff you said about Blood Bowl players at the magicast producers’ gala last week. Ya know, about all of them being more stupid than the love child of a Troll and a rock and most of just as ugly and that…
- Shut up Nippy. I was drunk as a skunk in the dwarfish-norse wedding… Erm, I mean, that those are just nasty rumors, that is not factual. And we’re here to talk about the cold hard facts! And one very special fact is that we have a new NUL Champion. Yes siree, the dark elf team Druchii Smuchii Schmoo were stole the championship with an impressive 9-1-1 and a whopping positive 14 TD differential! Impressive numbers don’t you think Gall’p?
- Well mr. Grumbundy, considering that there were 11 games, they needed to score just 1 and 2727 to infinity more touchdowns per match than their opponent so I don’t consider that statistically significant number considering that they allowed only 6 touchdowns all season which I consider to be more impressive feat than the 20 touchdowns that they scored as their scoring average is 1 and 8181 to infinity touchdowns per match when the golden standard and magic limit is considered to be 2 tds but their defensive average of allowed touchdowns is 0 and 5454 to infinity touchdowns which is very close to the magical 0 point 50 limit. So from this we can calculate that…
- Shut up Gall’p. You’re making my head hurt. What I gathered from your “analysis” is that the darkies were damn good at stopping their opponents from scoring. You know, it just came to me that, if you replaced the number parts in your analyses with either “damn good” or “as lowly as a floor of a dwarf’s cellar”, you really might have something going there. Well, speaking of lowly, let’s get us some information about the word on the streets. Nippy, what do your folks and friends think about the DSS’s impressive championship run?
- Mmmm… Well, my dad called it…. He said that either those darkie bastards or some of those chaos crooks will rocket in the standings when he heard that Ms. Chastity’s school for Virgin Maidens of Fair Complexion had burned down with all of the student’s in it.
- Oh yes, I remember that one. Weren’t there rumors that they found quite a large number of ceremonial daggers forged out of elfish iron from the ruins… or rather from the rib cages of the bodies? Yes, if I recall correctly, it happened just after the DSS had lost to Space Cheese on the second round… You know Nippy, your dad seems to be more astute than you make out him to be! Any more interesting comments from your neighborhood?
- Erm.. not really…. Well, my pal Whizzy-Pissy said that DSS’s new witch-elf… well he calls them vixen-elfs…Whissy-Pissy that is… isn’t quite as hot as Evelyn but she’ll do because it really isn’t a pussy galore in NUL this year.
- …Quite a man of words that friend of yours… Well, he hinted there of course to DSS’s star player Eviscerating Evilyn who died in the match against the Disorganized Dudes. That was the dark elfs only casualty but they did have some crippling injuries that forced them to revamp their blitzer corps during the season but that didn't seem to slow this fine team down! And as we’re speaking of injuries, this is a fine spot to look at the death totals of the season. There were total of 18 permanent casualties. Teams that suffered the most were Dragon Trainers, Shining Sins and Space Cheese, as all of them lost three players during the season. No surprises there, as those are also the teams playing with the thinnest armors. What was more surprising was that the Fasta Stronga Betta only lost two snotlings during the season. And at the other end of the specter, Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers and Orkitis B.C. were the only teams that didn’t have to entertain the grim reaper. Whistlers’ probably because most of their players are already dead and Orkitis… well, they’re orcs. There’s a reason why they don’t serve orc steak in fine restaurants, nobody could chew something as tough as that. …And maybe the green color would turn some people away. All right, let’s move onto cheerier subjects. Gall’p, can you give us a quick breakdown of the individual stats leaders?
- Of course Mr. Grumbundy! Starting with the scoring, the run-away winner, literally, of that category was the dwarf Algrid of the Midget Stuntmen with 9 touchdowns. The deceased Miss. Evilyn shares the second place with Kailduil Aldavathar of the Shining Sins. It should be no surprise that Alglid was also the best rusher with 564 yards, Thisnogors of the Disorganized Dudes and Harquas of the BuzcaBass were second and third respectively with over 300 yards.
- Hold it right there Gall’p. Are you saying that we had two dwarfs in the top three of runners in the league? How can that be? That much of a running with those short legs and beards tucked away under their belt so that they don’t fall down? Where are all of the elfs?
- Well Mr. Grumbundy, the stats category where most, or in fact all of the top players are elfs, is the times knocked down… I agree that it is rather surprising that we don’t have any DSS players in this category but that is probably due to the fact that they got a decent amount of output from all of their players, as an example, they had three players with 3 touchdowns, Lou the Lizard Liquidator, Captain Chris Cruelty and Terry, Torturer of Trolls. Same with running. No outstanding players - except for the late Miss. Evilyn of course - just a bunch really skillful core players and exceptional coaching.
- All right, all right. Seems reasonable. But enough of the skills categories, what about the interesting stuff, who were the biggest and baddest players out there?
- Ahm yes, Mr. Grumbundy. Well, the most effective brute out there was Kurmak the Numa Un from FSB with 10 casualties, Anchalagon of the BuzcaBass, Khizz of Space Cheese and Rokzig of the Orkitis B.C. were on close pursuit with 8 casualties. Kurmak also knocked down most opponents, 35. Rokzig made it to third in this category with 32 knock-downs. Second place in knock-downs went to Phlegma the Fierce of the Dragon Trainers. Dragon Trainers also occupied the top of the killer category with two players that scored 2 clean kills. The players in question were Ruffnut and Fishlegs. Trainers’ Phlegma the Fierce also had 1 kill which is interesting as this means that the Dragon Trainers scored 5 kills and also suffered 3 kills. So we had 8 deaths or near-deaths in the Dragon Trainers’ matches!
- Interesting, I wonder if their season tickets for next season are already available… Well done Gall’p, finally some interesting stats! But let’s take a break from the numbers and stuff. Nippy, give us a witty comment here!
- … … … erm… my mom always says that Blood Bowl is like a box of chocolates from the Mr. McTasties Treats and Rat poison Corporation, you never know whose going to die…
- And there he goes! That’s not just witty Nippy, it’s also factual, the chances of getting the bad chocolate really shot up after McTasties merged their rat poison and chocolate factories! Speaking of chances, Gall’p, I understand you had put up some kind of theory about the luck of the NUL teams this season?
- Thank you Mr. Grumbundy, yes, I analyzed all the failures and successes in skill performances and also ratio of injuries to knock-downs, measured it against the calculated mean and thus got the numerical that demonstrate if an individual team has succeeded above or below the theoretical average!
- …Boss, I think Gall’p went cookoo…
- That’s seems to be really accurate analysis of the situation, Nippy. We better humor him, you never know what these cooks can do… All Right Gall’p! I’ll bite, what does all that mean?
- Well Mr. Grumbundy. In the skill performances, no team averaged below the calculated average that is to say that combining all of the games, no team could be said to have had bad luck. However, if we look at the average skills succession that was 4,14 percent, that means that on average teams had a luck of 4,14 percent in skills related performances like ball-handling and dodging. The teams that scored well below this average were the Crunch Masters with 0,22 and Space Cheese with 1,35, all the other teams were quite close to the average.
- So you’re saying that orcs and skaven can’t dodge or throw the ball?
- No, no Mr. Grumbundy, it just means that they performed less effectively than they should have based on the average number of the league so they could be considered to have had so called bad luck on skill performances. And if we look at the ratio of the injuries to knock-downs, the average of the league was 1,33 meaning that there were only1,33 percent more casualties than there should’ve been mathematically throughout the league! There were 4 teams had negative average in this category, Dragon Trainers -2,83, Disorganized Dudes -2,35, Bloody Gorers -1,27 and Crunch Masters -0,48!
- But didn’t you just say that Dragon Trainers were good at killing? I’m getting confused here Gall’p.
- Yes, they did score lots of kills but on average they should’ve scored 2,83 percent more casualties! At the opposite end of the specter FSB had a injury ratio of 13,48, meaning that they should’ve scored 13,48 percent less casualties for instance statistically Numak should’ve scored only 8,4 casualties instead of 10 that he did!
- But Ogres are good at scoring casualties! Never mind, you told me earlier that statistically there were no drastically unlucky teams?
- Yes Mr. Grumbundy. The unluckiest team had a combined average deviation from the combined average of skills and injury performance of just -0,26 percent, that would be Crunch Masters. That is of course the average, there were quite a number individual games where the results deviated from the average greatly. The biggest negative deviations were the Crunch Masters -30,9 in their week 10 match against the Dragon Trainers and BuzcaBass’ -29,44 in their week 1 match against the SpaceCheese.
- Wait a minute Gall’p… But the BuzcaBass won that game and Crunch Masters tied! You’re making no sense!
- Yes, Mr. Grumbundy, based on the results, it seems that the deviation should be somewhat over 33 percent for the deviation to have a clear measurable positive or negative effect. For example the biggest positive deviations were Orkitis B.C.’s +37,64 against Space Cheese in week 7 where Orkitis won 2-1, BuzcaBass’ +35,74 against Disorganized Dudes where BuzcaBass won 1-0 and Space Cheese’s +33,79 against Wolf-Whistlers in week 9 where Space Cheese won 3-1. The fourth biggest deviation was FSB’s +30,07 against Orkitis in week 4 which was a 1-1 tie. And there are of course signs or long-term correlation of the statistics against results, for example Dragon Trainers’s first 5 games all had a negative total deviation and we all saw how poorly they started.
- All right Gall’p, you’re officially gone cookoo now with your numbers. Take the rest of the day off. Here take this coupon, it’s for the Madame Smoochers’ Lounge of Lizard-Tongued Pleasurers. 2 treatments for the price of one. That should get those numbers out of your head. And now get going! Nippy, say something sane and witty fast before this magicast is officially ruined!
- …erm… Something sane and witty?
- HAHA! You crack me up Nippy! There you go again saving the day with the old say something routine! Unfortunately Gall’p rants ate up so much of our air-time that we have to finish up soon. So I guess I’ll go on a rant of my own and try to recap the season 5 of NUL. Here goes. Well, the DSS were the runaway champs, they put up a really impressive season. The second place Orkitis gave the DSS a good run for their money, the week 10 match between the top teams could’ve turned the tables fast. FSB and Midget Stuntmen finished third and fourth both with 17 points and both with a strategy of being hard to beat, both of them only lost 2 games. BuzcaBass and Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers both started out strong but finished fifth and sixth after starting to slip at the end. Crunch Masters and Dragon Trainers did the things vice versa and ended up on the seventh and eight slots. Chaos teams Bloody Gorers and Disorganized Dudes had difficult seasons as did the injury riddled Space Cheese and Shining Sins but all of these teams also scored impressive wins from the top teams. Overall we had a mighty fine and entertaining season! Both on the field and here on the studio. But now we have to go, hope to see all of you next season! I’ve been Gron Grumbundy and I wish we bloody good blood bowl week! We’re out!
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All right, here's the season ending BSS finally. Sorry for the lack of updates during the last weeks, job and running have been eating all of my time lately and they're both as hungry as halflings.
