REGULAR SEASON REVIEW WEEK
- WELCOME DEAR FRIENDS! It’s once again time for arguably the best blood bowl magicast out there, our lovely little thing we call BLOOD SPORTS SPOTLIGHT! I’m Gron Grumbundy and we’ll be talking about the the magnificent league they call Norsca Union League or NUL. The league has been in high gear since we last aired. It’s been only week and a half since our last magicast but already all but one game have been played. I’ll go through the results fast before we start the discussion with our very special guest. In the Tuna division’s first week matchups Druchii Smuchii Schmoo upended Orkitis B.C. 3-0 and Vinterlegionen defeated Elvish Blues Bloods 2-0. In Sharks division Dragon Trainers beat Disorganized Dudes 2-1 while Virgins No More and Midget Stuntmen played a 2 all draw. The second week of the league was a week of ties, as the Virgins No More managed another 2 all draw, this time against the Dragon Trainers, the Disorganized Dudes also drew 1-1 against the Midget Stuntmen and in tuna neither Vinterlegionen nor Orkitis managed to score so their match naturally ended 0-0. Only team that took home a win in week 2 were the DSS who whopped the EBB 4 to 0. As I mentioned, three of the week 3 games have already been played. The DSS made sure that they take home the 1st place in the Tuna group by scoring 3 touchdowns against the 0 the Vinterlegionen. In the Sharks the Disorganized Dudes beat the Virgins No more 3-1 and the Dragon Trainers weren’t very kind to the visiting Midget Stuntmen as they beat them 2-0 win. Although, it should be mentioned that the dwarfs also got to do some beating of their own as two norse players will be out of the first round of playoffs. Now it is time to bring in our very special guest! You know, we have talked about many players in this magicast and almost every time we do it because the players in question have done something extra-ordinary like scoring tons of touchdowns or casualties or injuring themselves in some horrendous or humorous ways. And more often than not the players we talk about are blitzers, witch elfs, chaos warriors, mummies or some other so called positional players. But we tend to forget that the back-bone of every team is the sturdy lineman! And these unsung heroes have a union of their own – Survivor’s Guild. Tonight it is my pleasure to welcome the current chairman of the Survivor’s Guild and the once lineman of the The Middenheim Middletons, welcome Joe Smitty!
- Thank you Gron.
- Now I must admit that I have never heard your name before although I’ve followed every Blood Bowl league out there avidly since I was born…
- Thank you very much! You know, that’s the highest compliment you can give to a true lineman.
– …You’re welcome, I guess. But as I was saying, I had to look up your stats and I have to say they truly are amazing. According to the official Middenland league’s statistics you played in all of your team’s games for 16 straight seasons, is that really true?
– Yes that is. And I’m proud to say, that I only ever had to touch the ball the once when my fellow lineman Mike Johnson accidently caught the ball on the bounce and he – very wisely and acting like a true lineman should – threw the ball to me almost the same second he had secured it. Unfortunately he wasn’t quite fast enough as he was blitzed by the opposing minotaur just as soon as the ball left his hand. He got a serious concussion out of that and developed also a nervous twitch every time he saw the ball from then on.
– I take you didn’t suffer the same fate as you’re still quite coherent?
– Oh no, I didn’t even try to catch the ball, I just swatted it towards our blitzer, Luke the Legendary. He of course caught the ball and I was awarded a pass on that one, which was quite unfortunate.
– Now were getting to the reason you’re here. I should think that every Blood Bowl player would like to get their name in the paper – either by scoring, passing, blocking or doing some other heroics related to game. However, your union of linemen, the Survivor’s Guild has very different idea about that aspect of the game. Could you please explain why the pass stat you were awarded with was such a bad thing in your opinion?
– It’s quite simple Gron. You know, some of the players out there play for glory, honor and fame and some of the more foolish one even for the love of the game. But the most clever and skilled ones out there only do it for the money and to be honest about it, most of these sound-minded individuals are linemen. And when you’re playing to feed your family and keep your kid clothed, you should consider the game as your job. And the universal truth is that you should never do your job in such a way that it attracts attention to yourself. That does not mean that you should do your job poorly, it’s just that you should be adequate enough to keep your job and – what’s probably the most important – your life. Blood Bowl is very very very dangerous sport and every time you do something foolish – or heroic as some uninformed punters call it – you’re attracting attention to yourself and that means you’re more likely to get flattened during the next play or in the following games. The pass that I was awarded with is a perfect example of that. You know Luke went on and scored from that “pass” and they called it “a brilliant quick pass that was a show of extraordinary reflexes from the very promising young lineman” in the following morning’s press. The next two games I was shadowed by opposing players everywhere I went. I have never ran so fast and I actually needed some luck in surviving that ordeal. Luckily the situation went back to normal quite fast as I returned back to normal form.
– Speaking of your normal form, let’s get back to your stats. As I mentioned, you played in every match your team played for 16 seasons. That’s just shy of 300 games with the playoff games counted in. Considering the amount of games, your stats are just amazing. No touchdowns, 1 reception, 1 pass –accidental according to your own testimony, 3 casualties inflicted, 1 injury suffered – not a serious one as you didn’t miss any games I assume, knocked out 19 times and 2 mvps awarded. Now, I have two questions: First of all, how can your numbers be this low, and second, how on earth did you keep your job for 16 seasons?
– It’s all in the art of true linemanry Gron. As I hinted, you have to be good enough to be considered useful by your own coach and bad enough not to be considered a threat by the opposing coach and players. That is the mantra I followed throughout my all carrier and I have to say, I earned a good enough living from that to be able to retire after 16 seasons.
– But this just unbelievable… 16 seasons and you claim you only touched the ball once? What did you do on the field?
– That’s simple. I stayed as far away from the ball as I could but still close enough that I was a benefit to my team. My favorite place on the field was on attack, following 5 yards behind our ball carrier, guarding the rear. That’s really the safest place out there, as most blitzes tend to come from the front. But the rear still must be guarded and I have to say was excellent at that. I actually earned two of my inflicted casualties when an opposing blitzer tried to take me down in order to get on the heels of our ball-carrier. I blocked the bejezus out them as I really don’t appreciate opponents trying to hurt me.
– So you actually must’ve been quite a skilled player in order to bring down opposing blitzers?
– Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my place in the team if I wasn’t. I knew how to block and I was an excellent wrestler and I could fend off anyone who tried to block me.
– That sounds like a very defensive skill set.
– Yes, that might be true but you should understand that every skill that keeps you out of harm’s way is a good skill. I might’ve gone for the tackling skills and hit the gym to develop my strength and hitting power but that’s just inviting trouble - like walking into a orc bar wearing a goblinskull necklace. Take Luke the Legendary for example. You know, he started the same time with me. Good lad, but as simple as Troll’s game strategy. He was all for heroics and that kind of tom-foolery and from the start he trained on tackling, blitzing, leaping, catching and all that kind of silly stuff. And I must admit he got good. Once scored 4 touchdowns and 3 casualties in a single game. And he did earn as much in three seasons as I did in seven. And he’s still playing. It’s just that he’s doing it as a zombie in the Altdorf Deep Dwellers. He “transferred” there at the end of his third season when he tried to leap over Longtall “Mad Mommy” McSully and landed straight into her lap. Mad Mommy wasn't fast but she was strong for sure and she still had an eye for handsome lads, so Luke didn't stand a chance, got hugged to death and then resurrected by the Deep Dwellers coach.
– Alright Joe, I think we’ve gotten a good picture of your union’s philosophy. Let’s get back to NUL now. I understand you’ve been following this fine league quite closely?
– Yes, that’s true. We in the Survivor’s Guild follow all of the leagues and keep our eye on the promising players that could be worthy enough to be considered for the prestigious True Lineman of the Year award that we give out every year.
– OK, so could you give us a hint as to which players have caught your eye?
– Sure. Let’s start with the Midget Stuntmen. Dwarfs usually make good linemen, they’re down to earth – literally –,don’t go for heroics and have natural defences. So it’s no surprise that the Stuntmen have many noteworthy linemen but there is one that stands out and that is Drongak. He’s played in all 14 of the Midget Stuntmen’s games. He has been forced to score one touchdown but has otherwise managed to avoid touching the ball much. And what’s more important, he has developed into a fine dodger which is quite rare for a dwarf but comes in very handy when you’re trying to survive the game and make the living. Really promising lineman.
– You mentioned surviving. The veteran norse team Dragon Trainers have had real troubles with their player’s survivability, is there anybody left who could be considered a “true lineman”?
– Yes there is. Fishlegs. 14 out of 14 games, one touchdown, a pair of receptions and one injury suffered. Trainers seem to be relying heavily on their positionals and as you hinted, they must be feeding their linemen to their dragons or something, as only two of their linemen have survived all of their games. This makes Fishlegs’ performance even more spectacular, to be able survive and prosper in such an inhospitable environment. One other team that has gone through a rough patch is the Disorganized Dudes. So it’s only natural, that they have no truly successful lineman. The closest one to being such is Shilow Tail, whose managed to survive all of their games but has develop a noticeable skill – noticeable by opponent coaches and blitzers that is, which always spells trouble – namely mighty blow. So he could get targeted much more in the future.
– What about the last years champs? Druchii Smuchii Schmoo seems to be full of capable or as you call them – foolish – players. Could anyone of the dark elfs be considered to be following the lineman mantra?
– Definitely! I think they have one of the most outstanding linemen in the league! Bud Bludgeon. I mean he has earned six – count them, SIX! – MVPs basically just standing on the field. He has passed the ball twice but I think that has only happened because he has also caught the ball twice and he has wisely decided to get rid of the ball as fast as possible. He has caught some attention by inflicting two casualties, but that is allowed if you don’t become a casualty yourself and that is something Bud has avoided. In the matter of fact, he has only been knocked out one time, and not been injured even once. And the skill set he has developed, it’s just perfect for a true lineman! He can dodge, he can guard and what’s more important, he can wrestle! You have to score a perfect block or be a very skilled tackler to get him down! I see promising future for this young elf if he just manages to keep his head and stay out of the way of the ball.
– What about the orcs? I assume the traditional orkish play style doesn’t favor linemen?
– It is true that the philosophy of Waagh! is a troublesome match for the true lineman philosophy. The physical style has caused Glulor of Orkitis B.C. to miss one of their games due to injury and he has been injured a total 4 times, but otherwise this young orc lineman has played a remarkably stellar lineman game. Only two receptions, 20 yards of running and no other signs of foolishness. And if you can’t avoid staying out of trouble because of your team’s style of the play, the ability to survive injuries becomes the most important skill a lineman can have and Glulor has proven he has that skill.
– So what about the two rookie teams? They’ve only played a couple of games, can you make any calls on them yet?
- It’s true that the rookie teams are hard to judge because of small amount of games played but I must say that Börksvein of Vinterlegionen is showing a promising stat line with almost pure zeros. He has only made one block and been knocked out once so he must be doing a good job of not getting attention. High elves teams are also usually teams that have a playing style that’s not suited for the wise linemen. They simply pass the ball around too much. But I must say that Howlin’ Wolfer of the EBB has an impressive stat line: only one block made against him but no other sign of heroics as it’s all zeroes after that. But as I said, these rookie teams are hard to judge so we can’t say anything definite until at least a handful of games have been played.
– Well, one of those games will be the final game of the week three where the Orkitis B.C. travel to Elvish Blues Bloods’ Bepopaloo Stadium. The orcs are clear favorites as the EBB has had real difficulties in getting their groove on. Do you have an opinion on this matchup Joe?
– This is tough game to call for me, as both teams play a style that really isn’t suited for linemen. Elves style tends to be closer to the lineman style as they usually avoid physical play but I fear that the Orkitis has just too much of foolish heroes that decide the game in the orcs favor.
– Now, if your prediction proves to be correct, that would mean that Orkitis would take either the second or third place in the Tuna division depending on their TD differential. Vinterlegionen would end up second or third and EBB would take the last place. DSS has already secured the first place. If the game would end in a draw, Vinterlegionen would finish second, Orkitis third and EBB fourth. EBB victory would take them third – unless they win by 6 touchdowns to end up second which is quite impossible – and Orkitis would secure the fourth place. The order of the Sharks division has already been set as Dragon Trainers first, Disorganised Dudes second, Midget Stuntmen third and Virgins No More fourth.
– Gron, have I understood correctly that all four teams from both groups advance to playoffs?
– That’s right Joe. And the playoff picture looks like this: One pairing has been locked up and that’s Druchii Smuchii Schmoo versus Virgins No More. The other pairings depend on the result of the last Tuna game. Dragon Trainers have two possible opponents, the most likely of them being Elvish Blues Bloods. Orkitis will travel to Dragon Trainers only if they lose to EBB. The opponents for the chaos Dudes and dwarf Stuntmen are still quite open, although the most likely duo of opponents for these two teams is Orkitis B.C. and Vinterlegionen.
– So basically you’re saying that you really can’t say anything surefire about the playoff matchups until the ref whistles the last game over or the crowd storms the field and the match is declared over?
– That’s the situation Joe. Now as our time is running out, I must thank you for your visit. It was refreshing to hear about your alternative blood bowl philosophy.
– The pleasure was all mine Gron.
– All right folks! We try to get back on the air before the playoffs begin to evaluate the matchups but don’t’ be disappointed if we can’t make it. The games have been played with a pace as fast as a skink chased by a werewolf so we might end up broadcasting later than anticipated but we’ll surely be there to give you all the NUL information you want and need. Now we must be off. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!
