Author Topic: BLOOD SPORTS SPOTLIGHT  (Read 19895 times)

Offline J-Reedy

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« on: March 08, 2012, 06:55:51 PM »

- Who’s bad, who’s rad, who’s cool, who’s fool…. No, that’s not good… Maybe something rhyming with Gron… Let’s see, spawn, swan, yawn…
- Mr. Gron! We’re on!
- On fire you mean! We’re smoking hot Nippy! Did you see the article on the pentden? And on the playtroll? They said we’re the best new thing in magicasting since…
- No, the magicast is on! We’re broadcasting!
- ….hm… Ahem… WELCOME YA ALLLLL! Some starting humor there, totally intentional, I swear. Well folks, I’m Gron Grumbundy and the magicast you’re listening to is Blood Sports Spotlight! We’re back from our short hiatus and you know what that means! Yes siree! We have us a brand spanking new season of Norsca Union League or NUL ahead of us! With me today in studio, is the CEO of the Gourmet Delicates Authentic With Fish’n’chippy Liver and a former linebeast for the Khorny’s Favorites, welcome Bull Dureggs!
- Thank you Gron, it’s a pleasure to be here to be representing GDAWFL Corp and NUL.
- It’s a pleasure to have you here Bull. We’ll get to your magnificent corporation and NUL in just a moment. First I’d like to ask you a question that has been bothering me for some time. Why did you only play for one season of Blood Bowl? You were spectacular! I can’t remember anyone who has almost died on the field as many times as you! I mean the time you impaled your own butt with your horns while trying to blitz Slippery McSquee, that was as acrobatic as I’ve ever seen! Or the time you slipped on your tongue and whiplashed your head so violently that your neck broke while playing against the rare all-female elfin team Wardrobe Malfunctions. You clearly had some serious natural entertainment talents!
- Well Gron, I have to admit that I would’ve liked to play a bit more. But you know our team only went as Khorny’s Favorites for one season…
- Yep, zero wins, 16 losses and 181 casualties against you if I recall correctly.
- Sounds about right… Yes, during the off-season the team changed name to Khorne’s Favorites and made some restructuring moves based on some clerical advice. They say that there was a message from below that if the individual who registered the team name would ever step on the Blood Bowl field, Khorne would pop his head like a corn stalk. So it can be said that I was forced out because of typographic error.
- I see, well that probably also explains why the Khorne’s Favorites went undefeated the next season and scored a whopping 666 casualties during the season. I’m saying that casualty record won’t be broken ever, considering that there were at least three games where all of the opposing team was taken off of the field with horrendous injuries and then they would mysteriously regenerate with horrible mutations so that they could get on the field and be again pummeled into a pulp. Just think of the game against Jolly Halfling’s, some of those small folks must’ve come back alive six times. In the end it looked like the Khorne’s Favorite were playing against horned and tailed octopus team instead of halflings.
- Highly entertaining season yes.
- Well, let’s get back to business! The reason you’re here is that your corporation… By the way, I’ve always wondered, what does the title CEO mean?
- Well, in GDAWFL Corp I’m the Chief Executing Officer. I basically make sure that everything we sell is dead if it’s supposed to be.
- Oh yes, makes sense. Well, you’re corporation has struck a sponsorship deal with NUL for the league’s sixth season. Can you tell us what this sponsorship deal means in practice?
- Yes of course. First of all, as we in GDAWL specialize in producing fine delicates for the gourmet-minded Ogre and Troll who have a taste for fish, NUL will be playing the regular season games in two groups that are named Sharks and Tunas. We’ll be also serving our most popular product during all the games. I’m of course talking about our Double Fish’n’Chip Dip! The only fish’n’chip serving where chips are guaranteed to be authentic granite chips! No cheap rock slate chips in our products, no sir!
- Well, that’s interesting. But let’s get into the real business of Blood Bowl now, and that’s the teams and players! As Bull noted, the league has been divided into two groups. The teams playing in the Sharks group are the chaos Disorganized Dudes, norse Dragon Trainers, dwarfen Midget Stuntmen and the high-elf team Virgins No More. Dudes, Trainers and Stuntmen played their first season last year but the Virgins No More are a bit older team that played last in the fourth season of NUL and is now making a comeback. What do you think of this group Bull, any clear favorites?
- Yes, the high-elfs are the clear-cut favorites in the casualties against although they could get some competition from the norse team in getting maimed. But the elfs are so talented with the ball-handling that I don’t think they’ll be hindered by injuries. And the Trainers are hard to bring down and they’re getting quite skilled sneakily quiet!
- What about the Stuntmen? I’m thinking they could be in contention, they were very tough to beat last season, if they can turn their draws into wins, they could be going. Maybe not very fast nor very high, but couldn’t they take the trophy?
- Don’t be foolish Gron. There’s a chaos team in this group, the Dudes will rule! I mean you never know what happens in chaos games! A volcano could erupt and engulf the opposing team! Although I’d only expect something as drastic as that one if there were news of a nun convent being found slaughtered just before pre-game.
- Ahh, you’re right there! Well, let’s take a look at the Tunas group. In this group we have the last year’s champions, the dark-elven Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and the team that fought the darkies until the last rounds, the orkish Orkitis B.C. And then we have the two new interesting rookie teams, the high-elven Elvish Blues Bloods and the norse Vinterlegionen. How do you see this group going Bull?
- The rookie teams will have it tough but the norse team will have a bit better chances with all those traditional norse blocking skills. Do you know that norse children go running into full bear barrels just as soon as they learn to walk – or run I should say - and that’s where they learn their blockings kills?
- I’ve heard that one, I also heard that the reason they keep running and the reason they keep hitting those barrels is that instead of breast-feeding the little buggers their mothers give the infants a pint of ale once an hour. Only the mild stuff of course. They say that the one’s that can handle all the ale and are agile enough to run around the barrels become runners.
- Yes Gron, the norse are tough bunch but there are even tougher teams in this group. Orcs are always dangerous and durable and this Orkitis team  has some nice positional players.
- What about the elven teams Bull, any chances?
- The DSS are the champs, so I’m betting that the EBB will be chumps. Just too short of the season for the rookie high-elf team to make an impact. But he DSS have skill and experience. But I should think that the veteran team that wins the first round in this group will take the group.
- Oh, the matchups! In the Tunas the two rookie teams will play against each other and, as you hinted, the DSS will host Orkitis B.C. In the Sharks group Virgins No More host Midget Stuntmen and Dragon Trainers get a visit from Disorganized Dudes. What’s your take on the matches Bull?
- I’d think the most interesting matchup is the DSS versus Orkitis. They were the top teams last season and the DSS unexpectedly whupped Orkitis physically in their last game. I’m eager to see if the orcs have recovered and which team will be the most physical. As to the rookie teams, EBB has players that have natural talent but no skills. Vinterlegionen has it vice versa, they have lots of skills but average talent. It’ll be interesting to see which will be more important in this matchup.
- Nice analysis Bull. Well, what about the Sharks. I should think that the high-elfs are playing against the worst possible opponent for their team as are the dwarfs. This might sound ridiculous but I think the Virgins-Stuntmen matchup is just that. You’re take on this Bull?
- You might be right Gron. The tackling dwarfs are a thorn in every elven players butt and I don’t mean that figuratively. But the high- and fast-flying high elf catchers are also the hardest for the dwarfs to control. It’ll be agility versus fists.
- Not so in the other matchup. It’ll be pure fisting!
- Some horns might also come into play, especially if the Dragon Trainers play in the traditional horn helmets. The Disorganized Dudes have the horns au natural, naturally. But the chaos team will take it surely.
- I don’t agree Bull, I think the Trainers are eager to prove themselves and will win.
- You’re a fool Gron! It’s all about physical play and those norse just can’t take hits as well as beastmen and warriors!
- Well it’s also about ball-handling and those beastieboys really can’t handle the ball with the hooves, can’t they? And what about the balls hitting the horns and exploding! That’s the number one reason for delay of games. Chaos players just don’t use their heads when they play!
- BEASTIEBOY?! I’ll show the difference between beastieboy and a true Khårne Beastman! WAARG…. Wait, I meant Khorne… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHH!
- WHAT A MOVE! I HOPE YOU COULD’VE SEEN THIS ONE DEAR LISTENERS! Bull Dureggs just tried to tackle me with a full-horned blitz but for some reason he slipped, did a backwards summersault while his upper torso twisted right and his legs left and when he hit the floor, he twisted his neck and plummeted his head straight into his.. his… …am…
- Tooshie?
- No Nippy, we can’t say that in the magicast. Bull’s head got stuck in his rectal areas, that’s it. Amazingly it seems he’s still alive. Boy, that was amazing! I wish he would still play, no one injured himself better than him. Well, cart him to the doctors Nippy, I’ll finish up.
- Sure thing Boss.
- That’s it from the very first Blood Sports Spotlight for sixth season of NUL – the league that we all love and follow. We’ll be back later with results from the first round. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

Offline Gnaarkill

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« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2012, 08:51:52 PM »
Nice report J-reedy!
Very entertaining reading.

Keep up the good work! Can´t wait for the next one  :)


Offline Mr B

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« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2012, 09:44:09 PM »
This is reedy wonders!

Love it!
Adding notes from Bashers delight tomorrow about the first game in Sharks bait by the trainers with the Dragons tattoo!

Offline J-Reedy

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« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2012, 09:57:13 PM »

- WELCOME DEAR FRIENDS! It’s once again time for arguably the best blood bowl magicast out there, our lovely little thing we call BLOOD SPORTS SPOTLIGHT! I’m Gron Grumbundy and we’ll be talking about the the magnificent league they call Norsca Union League or NUL. The league has been in high gear since we last aired. It’s been only week and a half since our last magicast but already all but one game have been played. I’ll go through the results fast before we start the discussion with our very special guest. In the Tuna division’s first week matchups Druchii Smuchii Schmoo upended Orkitis B.C. 3-0 and Vinterlegionen defeated Elvish Blues Bloods 2-0. In Sharks division Dragon Trainers beat Disorganized Dudes 2-1 while Virgins No More and Midget Stuntmen played a 2 all draw. The second week of the league was a week of ties, as the Virgins No More managed another 2 all draw, this time against the Dragon Trainers, the Disorganized Dudes also drew 1-1 against the Midget Stuntmen and in tuna neither Vinterlegionen nor Orkitis managed to score so their match naturally ended 0-0. Only team that took home a win in week 2 were the DSS who whopped the EBB 4 to 0. As I mentioned, three of the week 3 games have already been played. The DSS made sure that they take home the 1st place in the Tuna group by scoring 3 touchdowns against the 0 the Vinterlegionen. In the Sharks the Disorganized Dudes beat the Virgins No more 3-1 and the Dragon Trainers weren’t very kind to the visiting Midget Stuntmen as they beat them 2-0 win. Although, it should be mentioned that the dwarfs also got to do some beating of their own as two norse players will be out of the first round of playoffs. Now it is time to bring in our very special guest! You know, we have talked about many players in this magicast and almost every time we do it because the players in question have done something extra-ordinary like scoring tons of touchdowns or casualties or injuring themselves in some horrendous or humorous ways. And more often than not the players we talk about are blitzers, witch elfs, chaos warriors, mummies or some other so called positional players. But we tend to forget that the back-bone of every team is the sturdy lineman! And these unsung heroes have a union of their own – Survivor’s Guild. Tonight it is my pleasure to welcome the current chairman of the Survivor’s Guild and the once lineman of the The Middenheim Middletons, welcome Joe Smitty!
- Thank you Gron.
- Now I must admit that I have never heard your name before although I’ve followed every Blood Bowl league out there avidly since I was born…
- Thank you very much! You know, that’s the highest compliment you can give to a true lineman.
– …You’re welcome, I guess. But as I was saying, I had to look up your stats and I have to say they truly are amazing. According to the official Middenland league’s statistics you played in all of your team’s games for 16 straight seasons, is that really true?
– Yes that is. And I’m proud to say, that I only ever had to touch the ball the once when my fellow lineman Mike Johnson accidently caught the ball on the bounce and he – very wisely and acting like a true lineman should – threw the ball to me almost the same second he had secured it. Unfortunately he wasn’t quite fast enough as he was blitzed by the opposing minotaur just as soon as the ball left his hand. He got a serious concussion out of that and developed also a nervous twitch every time he saw the ball from then on.
– I take you didn’t suffer the same fate as you’re still quite coherent?
– Oh no, I didn’t even try to catch the ball, I just swatted it towards our blitzer, Luke the Legendary. He of course caught the ball and I was awarded a pass on that one, which was quite unfortunate.
– Now were getting to the reason you’re here. I should think that every Blood Bowl player would like to get their name in the paper – either by scoring, passing, blocking or doing some other heroics related to game. However, your union of linemen, the Survivor’s Guild has very different idea about that aspect of the game. Could you please explain why the pass stat you were awarded with was such a bad thing in your opinion?
– It’s quite simple Gron. You know, some of the players out there play for glory, honor and fame and some of the more foolish one even for the love of the game. But the most clever and skilled ones out there only do it for the money and to be honest about it, most of these sound-minded individuals are linemen. And when you’re playing to feed your family and keep your kid clothed, you should consider the game as your job. And the universal truth is that you should never do your job in such a way that it attracts attention to yourself. That does not mean that you should do your job poorly, it’s just that you should be adequate enough to keep your job and – what’s probably the most important – your life. Blood Bowl is very very very dangerous sport and every time you do something foolish – or heroic as some uninformed punters call it – you’re attracting attention to yourself and that means you’re more likely to get flattened during the next play or in the following games. The pass that I was awarded with is a perfect example of that. You know  Luke went on and scored from that “pass” and they called it “a brilliant quick pass that was a show of extraordinary reflexes from the very promising young lineman” in the following morning’s press. The next two games I was shadowed by opposing players everywhere I went. I have never ran so fast and I actually needed some luck in surviving that ordeal. Luckily the situation went back to normal quite fast as I returned back to normal form.
– Speaking of your normal form, let’s get back to your stats. As I mentioned, you played in every match your team played for 16 seasons. That’s just shy of 300 games with the playoff games counted in. Considering the amount of games, your stats are just amazing. No touchdowns, 1 reception, 1 pass –accidental according to your own testimony, 3 casualties inflicted, 1 injury suffered – not a serious one as you didn’t miss any games I assume, knocked out 19 times and 2 mvps awarded. Now, I have two questions: First of all, how can your numbers be this low, and second, how on earth did you keep your job for 16 seasons?
– It’s all in the art of true linemanry Gron. As I hinted, you have to be good enough to be considered useful by your own coach and bad enough not to be considered a threat by the opposing coach and players. That is the mantra I followed throughout my all carrier and I have to say, I earned a good enough living from that to be able to retire after 16 seasons.
– But this just unbelievable… 16 seasons and you claim you only touched the ball once? What did you do on the field?
– That’s simple. I stayed as far away from the ball as I could but still close enough that I was a benefit to my team. My favorite place on the field was on attack, following 5 yards behind our ball carrier, guarding the rear. That’s really the safest place out there, as most blitzes tend to come from the front. But the rear still must be guarded and I have to say was excellent at that. I actually earned two of my inflicted casualties when an opposing blitzer tried to take me down in order to get on the heels of our ball-carrier. I blocked the bejezus out them as I really don’t appreciate opponents trying to hurt me.
– So you actually must’ve been quite a skilled player in order to bring down opposing blitzers?
– Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my place in the team if I wasn’t. I knew how to block and I was an excellent wrestler and I could fend off anyone who tried to block me.
– That sounds like a very defensive skill set.
– Yes, that might be true but you should understand that every skill that keeps you out of harm’s way is a good skill. I might’ve gone for the tackling skills and hit the gym to develop my strength and hitting power but that’s just inviting trouble - like walking into a orc bar wearing a goblinskull necklace. Take Luke the Legendary for example. You know, he started the same time with me. Good lad, but as simple as Troll’s game strategy. He was all for heroics and that kind of tom-foolery and from the start he trained on tackling, blitzing, leaping, catching and all that kind of silly stuff. And I must admit he got good. Once scored 4 touchdowns and 3 casualties in a single game. And he did earn as much in three seasons as I did in seven. And he’s still playing. It’s just that he’s doing it as a zombie in the Altdorf Deep Dwellers. He “transferred” there at the end of his third season when he tried to leap over Longtall “Mad Mommy” McSully and landed straight into her lap. Mad Mommy wasn't fast but she was strong for sure and she still had an eye for handsome lads, so Luke didn't stand a chance, got hugged to death and then resurrected by the Deep Dwellers coach.
– Alright Joe, I think we’ve gotten a good picture of your union’s philosophy. Let’s get back to NUL now. I understand you’ve been following this fine league quite closely?
– Yes, that’s true. We in the Survivor’s Guild follow all of the leagues and keep our eye on the promising players that could be worthy enough to be considered for the prestigious True Lineman of the Year award that we give out every year.
– OK, so could you give us a hint as to which players have caught your eye?
– Sure. Let’s start with the Midget Stuntmen. Dwarfs usually make good linemen, they’re down to earth – literally –,don’t go for heroics and have natural defences. So it’s no surprise that the Stuntmen have many noteworthy linemen but there is one that stands out and that is Drongak. He’s played in all 14 of the Midget Stuntmen’s games. He has been forced to score one touchdown but has otherwise managed to avoid touching the ball much. And what’s more important, he has developed into a fine dodger which is quite rare for a dwarf but comes in very handy when you’re trying to survive the game and make the living. Really promising lineman.
– You mentioned surviving. The veteran norse team Dragon Trainers have had real troubles with their player’s survivability, is there anybody left who could be considered a “true lineman”?
– Yes there is. Fishlegs. 14 out of 14 games, one touchdown, a pair of receptions and one injury suffered. Trainers seem to be relying heavily on their positionals and as you hinted, they must be feeding their linemen to their dragons or something, as only two of their linemen have survived all of their games. This makes Fishlegs’ performance even more spectacular, to be able survive and prosper in such an inhospitable environment. One other team that has gone through a rough patch is the Disorganized Dudes. So it’s only natural, that they have no truly successful lineman. The closest one to being such is Shilow Tail, whose managed to survive all of their games but has develop a noticeable skill – noticeable by opponent coaches and blitzers that is, which always spells trouble – namely mighty blow. So he could get targeted much more in the future.
– What about the last years champs? Druchii Smuchii Schmoo seems to be full of capable or as you call them – foolish – players. Could anyone of the dark elfs be considered to be following the lineman mantra?
– Definitely! I think they have one of the most outstanding linemen in the league! Bud Bludgeon. I mean he has earned six – count them, SIX! – MVPs basically just standing on the field. He has passed the ball twice but I think that has only happened because he has also caught the ball twice and he has wisely decided to get rid of the ball as fast as possible. He has caught some attention by inflicting two casualties, but that is allowed if you don’t become a casualty yourself and that is something Bud has avoided. In the matter of fact, he has only been knocked out one time, and not been injured even once. And the skill set he has developed, it’s just perfect for a true lineman! He can dodge, he can guard and what’s more important, he can wrestle! You have to score a perfect block or be a very skilled tackler to get him down! I see promising future for this young elf if he just manages to keep his head and stay out of the way of the ball.
– What about the orcs? I assume the traditional orkish play style doesn’t favor linemen?
– It is true that the philosophy of Waagh! is a troublesome match for the true lineman philosophy. The physical style has caused Glulor of Orkitis B.C. to miss one of their games due to injury and he has been injured a total 4 times, but otherwise this young orc lineman has played a remarkably stellar lineman game. Only two receptions, 20 yards of running and no other signs of foolishness. And if you can’t avoid staying out of trouble because of your team’s style of the play, the ability to survive injuries becomes the most important skill a lineman can have and Glulor has proven he has that skill.
– So what about the two rookie teams? They’ve only played a couple of games, can you make any calls on them yet?
- It’s true that the rookie teams are hard to judge because of small amount of games played but I must say that Börksvein of Vinterlegionen is showing a promising stat line with almost pure zeros. He has only made one block and been knocked out once so he must be doing a good job of not getting attention. High elves teams are also usually teams that have a playing style that’s not suited for the wise linemen. They simply pass the ball around too much. But I must say that Howlin’ Wolfer of the EBB has an impressive stat line: only one block made against him but no other sign of heroics as it’s all zeroes after that. But as I said, these rookie teams are hard to judge so we can’t say anything definite until at least a handful of games have been played.
– Well, one of those games will be the final game of the week three where the Orkitis B.C. travel to Elvish Blues Bloods’ Bepopaloo Stadium. The orcs are clear favorites as the EBB has had real difficulties in getting their groove on. Do you have an opinion on this matchup Joe?
– This is tough game to call for me, as both teams play a style that really isn’t suited for linemen. Elves style tends to be closer to the lineman style as they usually avoid physical play but I fear that the Orkitis has just too much of foolish heroes that decide the game in the orcs favor.
– Now, if your prediction proves to be correct, that would mean that Orkitis would take either the second or third place in the Tuna division depending on their TD differential. Vinterlegionen would end up second or third and EBB would take the last place. DSS has already secured the first place. If the game would end in a draw, Vinterlegionen would finish second, Orkitis third and EBB fourth. EBB victory would take them third – unless they win by 6 touchdowns to end up second which is quite impossible – and Orkitis would secure the fourth place. The order of the Sharks division has already been set as Dragon Trainers first, Disorganised Dudes second, Midget Stuntmen third and Virgins No More fourth.
– Gron, have I understood correctly that all four teams from both groups advance to playoffs?
– That’s right Joe. And the playoff picture looks like this: One pairing has been locked up and that’s Druchii Smuchii Schmoo versus Virgins No More. The other pairings depend on the result of the last Tuna game. Dragon Trainers have two possible opponents, the most likely of them being Elvish Blues Bloods. Orkitis will travel to Dragon Trainers only if they lose to EBB. The opponents for the chaos Dudes and dwarf Stuntmen are still quite open, although the most likely duo of opponents for these two teams is Orkitis B.C. and Vinterlegionen.
– So basically you’re saying that you really can’t say anything surefire about the playoff matchups until the ref whistles the last game over or the crowd storms the field and the match is declared over?
– That’s the situation Joe. Now as our time is running out, I must thank you for your visit. It was refreshing to hear about your alternative blood bowl philosophy.
– The pleasure was all mine Gron.
– All right folks! We try to get back on the air before the playoffs begin to evaluate the matchups but don’t’ be disappointed if we can’t make it. The games have been played with a pace as fast as a skink chased by a werewolf so we might end up broadcasting later than anticipated but we’ll surely be there to give you all the NUL information you want and need. Now we must be off. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!
« Last Edit: March 22, 2012, 10:21:08 AM by J-Reedy »

Offline Barmution

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« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2012, 09:01:36 AM »
Wow! That was an amazing read, J! Both the concept and execution of the Best Lineman from the Lineman's perspective was absolutely great and hilarious. Inspired stuff!

Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for the night, set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Offline Mr B

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« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2012, 07:58:21 PM »
hehe, cool story!!

Thanks J-R

Offline J-Reedy

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« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2012, 10:27:20 PM »

- WELCOME EVERYONE! I’m Gron Grumbundy and today we’re bringing you a very special edition of the SPORTS SPOTLIGHT magicast! The reason for the special tag is not the fact that we’re broadcasting LIVE, no dear friends. This little magicast is truly special because we’re doing the show not from our studios but from the Norsca Union League playoff match! That’s right, you heard me correctly. We’re live at the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo versus Virgins No More game and the game is scheduled to begin in 10 minutes. We’ve already seen the coin toss, the druchii called it tails and hig’n mighties decided to receive after the heads showed up. Normally the match would’ve begun right after the coin toss but these are two elf teams playing and they have their peculiarities. Virgins No More are having the lineage of all their players announced to the crowds and judging by the amount of blood flowing under the DSS locker room’s door, they’re going through their pre-game prayers. But I’m not bothered about this, as this gives me the opportunity to introduce my co-host and color commentator for the match. He has been called the master of odds, wizard of swindling and king of the gamblers. He is also a former extraordinary successful –meaning that he actually survived almost three seasons and retired from the game unharmed – goblin running back of the orc team Beat Da Odds, welcome Slinky “going for it” Chancey!
- Thank you Gron. Nice introduction but I have to remind you that I’ve also been nicknamed the The Almost Handsome Goblin and Da Rich Bugger due to my enormously gracious good looks and hard earned fortune.
- Of course, thank you for reminding, it’s just that you long-time Blood Bowl gamers tend to rack up those nick-names fast. But as I already mentioned, you’re retired and you won your actual fame after your career by starting another career as a pro gambler of Blood Bowl games and becoming very successful – if not the most successful in that profession. What’s your secret Slinky? Or do you want to keep it secret?
- Well, I’ve already earned meself more than I can spend in my lifetime, so maybe I can give you a small peak around the curtains surrounding my success. The fact is that to become a good gambler, you have to be small enough that you can go easily unnoticed and have a good enough hearing. I’ve been blessed with relatively small size and quite large ears, so you could say I’m a natural. But you also have to willing to work hard and study the matchups, learn about the players, coaches and rest of the staff. Especially about their home addresses and all of the betting parlors near those places. Rest is actually just sitting quietly in a nice parlor of your choice, sipping coffee and looking at who you see and listening what they say.
- Quite interesting if though bit cryptic. Well, could you give us your pick on this match? I’ve also actually made a small bet, I put some gold pieces on the DSS winning the match.
- How unfortunate. I’m quite convinced the Nomore Virgins take the match and I’ve actually bet heavily on that.
- Oh! This is a surpise. Well, we’ll have plenty of chances to argue for our picks during the game, so let’s preview some of the other games. The Orkitis B.C. vs Midget Stuntmen game is actually being played at the same time with this matchup and we should get the results from the game during the half time, so we won’t go into that one yet. Let’s instead start with the Dragon Trainers – Elvish Blues Bloods match. What’s your opinion on these teams and their chances Slinky?
- Both of them are hurting due to injuries and casualties, two of the norse’s strongs are missing the game due to injuries and the EBB lost two of their players in the last matchup and one of their linefodder is out for the game. What’s funny is that the EBB’s casualties and injuries might actually be useful for them, as they are bound to get lot of support and inducements from the league just that they can be convinced to take part in the game. So the game could actually be a lot tighter than it seems. I see the norse as clear favorites skill-wise but you can never count out the natural abilities of the elves.
- Nice analysis Slinky, have to agree with you there. The rookie high elves are just too vulnerable to blocking and Dragon trainers know how to block. We’ll have to wait and see in that one but now there won’t be any more waiting. Niles the Nun Nailsman just kicked off the ball! It’s nice and long kick that lands on the right corner-backfield of Virgins No More. Blocking is already under way on the front line, looks like two linedarkies are down and the Frog-flayer the blitzer has been pushed back! High elf Kavavanlhun opens up the left flank with a blitz and the Virgins rookie catcher Tathron snakes through while their thrower secure the ball!
- Quite normal uppety elf play. They’re trying to get their catchers deep and then wait for the passing opportunities. Well that doesn’t seem to work as planned.
- Oooh! Nice blitz from the DSS witch elf Polyanna! Looks like it’s that time of the month as she frenzied and knocked out Tathron the catcher! But their another witch seems to be more interested in getting some of those handsome high elves lying next to her, as both Angry Anne and her indented target Eitimonion Tathron go down!
- Bad break, this should give the high’n’mighty elves a chance.
- And they’re going for it! Elerder the thrower runs forward, cocks his arm and there it goes! Terry the Troll Tortures is trying to jum to intercept but he doesn’t even get off the ground! And the blitzer Kavavanlhun catches the ball perfectly! Now all he has to run and that he does. TOUCHDOWN! That was mighty fast!
- It can be with two elf teams. But let’s see if the DSS can do some harm on the offence.
- Once-Virgins kick is not as good as the DSS’s, it goes quite far but the ball comes down just next to Angry Anne. Ouch! Looks like line-elf Galonren will be taking a nap after that block and there goes Polyanna again! She’s definitely got the bad moods! Line-elf Tathron is also taking a nap after that nasty blitz from Polyanna! Meanwhile has the ball and she takes it closer to midfield while other darkies form a loose protective blanket around her. Looks like their opting for the run.
- Yep, protect the ball. Look, uppeties seem to be blanketing the blanket!
- Nice defensive line indeed contouring the dark elf offensive line. But it’s not close-knit enough! Angry Lou the Lizard Liquitator and Freddy Frog-Flayer just opened up a hole, Freddy also earned a casualty by taking out Rhuielwa, nothing serious. No Angry Anne is going through the hole like a lightning! She’s running fast, like a lightning bolt, she’s clear, not much more to go! Lightning fast I say she is! LIGHTNING! Did you see that!
- Yep, it was a lightning bolt. I was half expecting that. Looks like it came from C stands. Must’ve been Maurice the Magnificent who had a ticket for row 6 seat 14 at C section. Lives at 146 of the Wizard’s lane, Huffington which is situated quite close to Honest Pete’s betting parlor where Maurice is actually highly regarded as a regular patron. Probably because he spends quite a sum betting the games and probably also because he is fast to anger and quite loose with his lightning bolts. Maurice also likes teams that tend to throw a lot. Bets heavily on them.
- Oh. Does Pete’s place have good coffee?
- Quite nice, although last week I had one or two cups that had been standing on the boiler too long.
- This is true pro at work folks, I give you Slinky Chancey. Back to game! While we were chatting Tantansyr of the once-Virgins ran to pick up the ball and threw it to catcher Elerdel. Ball is quite secure but DSS are opening up space and there goes Polyanna! It’s a blitz, but she’s running awfully close to Tantansyr, let’s see if she can dodge him!
- No she can’t. Typical broad stuff. Always falling head over heels in front of those handsome noble-elves.
- SHE’S HURT! Oh, it’s only bad hurt, nothing serious. Failed her dodge honestly there. Elerdel is running the for the left flank and now he is caged up tighter than a virgin’s door in an ill-reputed inn. DSS get no chance to break the cage, they’re just trying to tie the high elves. No luck there, high ones simply dodge out and go a bit further. Now we have a blitz for the ball! Running, dodge, FAIL!
- And it’s another TD.
- 2-0 for the Virgins No More! DSS still have a chance, shallow kick, Angry Anne gets the ball, launches it, Terry, Tortures of Trolls catches it and runs for the goal! He has to dodge through that hole… Ouch! That must’ve hurt! Did you see who tripped him?
- No, could’ve been just one of those capes that the uppety elves flog around. Can’t understand why they wear them in a Blood Bowl game?
- It’s truly one of the mysteries of the game. I mean I would’ve thought they’d go out of fashion after the successful career of Duh “Whirlytrolly” Dam. You remember him? The Troll blitzer. Who invented the patented Cape Twistertm move?
- Oh right! One where he would grab end of some high elf blitzer’s cape and start spinning the player around! That was nice. And effective too. He would usually get two or three other players down with the swinging before the cape would break. Just too bad that Whirlytrolly was too dum to see who he was hitting with his flying elf toy.
- Magnificent player indeed. Well folks, the halftime has started and the teams are scheming in their locker rooms. Now it’s time to take a look at the results of the Orkitis B.C. versus Midget Stuntmen game, just got them delivered by an Instaspell. We have whoosy here! How do you think the match went Slinky?
- I didn’t analyze that one, too difficult, orc players tend to be too stupid to know that they can bet on their games and dwarfs are just too stingy to give up any of their gold. But there probably weren’t much casualties with so many tough armors around.
- Well, you’re relatively right there, only three casualties. And the result was a 2-0 victory which is quite normal for this kind matchup with too bashy running teams. Oh, Orkitis won. But what is the whoosy part in this game is that two dwarfs were killed!
- WHAT! That’s just crazy odds! I’d get ten thousand to one odds from any agency for a one gold piece bet of there being two dwarf deaths in one game.
- Remember, this isn’t the first time with two deaths in a game with Orkitis. Elvish Blues Bloods also lost two of their players against Orkitis just lost week! The two dwarfs that went under were Alglid, the Stuntmen’s star runner – that’ll hurt the dwarfs indeed – and Drongak the blocker. Rokzig was the orc that took down Alglid. Drongak is rumored to have slipped on his beard and snapped his neck while dodging.
- That’s just nasty. Oh, looks like the game is about to continue…
- Right you are Slinky. Virgins No More just kicked off! Max Murder gets the ball, goes to the centre and DSS cage up. Terry the Troll-Torturer is going deep, gets blitzed but stays on his feet. Freddy Frog-Frayer opens up a hole with a blitz, runs deep. AND now he got the ball! Max Murder ran through the hole after Freddy and tossed the ball to him!  VNM’s blitzer Norosume is trying to take Freddy down! No dice there but Freddy gets pushed back. He’s right next to sidelines, let’s see if he can get out of there before he goes surfing!
- I think one of those high elfs guarding him is more likely surfer if Angry Anne succeeds with that blitz…
- Didn’t happen, but Norosume goes down and Freddy is free after a nice dodge. Looks like he’s going for a throw! Terry is wide open! Good pass! Terry fumbles! No, he caught it! Just running now and…. IT’S A TOUCHDOWN! We have a scoring game! 2 for the Virgins No More and 1 for the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo!
- It should be high elf’s game with them getting the kick-off but let’s see.
- Niles kicks off again… AND THE CROWD TAKES THE FIELD! IT’S A PITCH INVASION! Look, the gates of section B have been opened! Someone must’ve thought the game was a bit of a bore!
- Must’ve been DSS supporter considering B stand is the shadowed section reserved for those more sensitive to light… Looks like they got 5 high elfs down and the kick is good for this situation.
- Yes indeed, a shallow kick and the ball is very close to line of scrimmage… Correction, ball was very close to center, now the ball is deep in Virgins No More side of the field after a pick-up and a pass by Madirina the line-elf. Elerdel the thrower is holding the ball. And now this is getting exciting! Just three high elves left standing, but unfortunately for the darkies Elerdel is too deep and the DSS players can’t get to him! And now Tathron the catcher gets up! He is through the DSS line and Eledrel sees it! He’s running closer to get a more controlled pass! And there it goes! Perfect pass again and catcher Tathron has the ball! Kavavanlhun and Tahtron – the line-elf – not sure if he’s related to the catcher Tahtron holding the ball are guarding him. There come the DSS! Bud Bludgeon opens up some space with a nice block. And it’s a casualty! Looks like a bad injury but not a serious one! That gives Max Murder a blitzing chance and he’s taking it! NO! Another dodge fail! Druchii are just not staying on their feet today! There goes Tathron, just a simple run. He is so fast he doesn’t even have to try. AND IT’S A TD!
- I think this game is over and done.
- Yes, DSS really need a miracle to take this home as a win. But let’s just wait and see. Miracles seem to be quite common on the fields of Blood Bowl. All righty, not with that kick-off! Crowd goes wild again! It’s a riot! AND WHAT IS THE REF DOING! The game clock is running even though nothing is happening, just scandalous!
- Yes, I seem to recall the judge responsible for clocking was Mice “Smashypants” Raddy, 8 of Rollington Ave, Badmouth, close to Disillusioned Dan’s Betting Gonanza establishment. Rumor has it that quite a large bet was made there by a gentlemen wearing trousers that look like they had been beaten with rocks repeatedly.
- I have to give it you Slinky, you really know your stuff. I should’ve asked you before making the bet. But it’s not late with one match! Do you have any extra info on the quarter finals match between the Vinterlegionen and Disorganized Dudes?
- Nothing as sure fire than I had in this match. But I’ll probably be placing small bet on one or the other team. Haven’t yet figured out which team though. The norse are lacking in armor and the chaos dudes are experienced enough to survive a blocking battle that every match against norse eventually turns into. But on the other hand the winter folks have been playing well and they have a puncher’s chance, especially if they manage to take the game to sidelines where they’re berzerkers can work their magic.
- Thank you for the comments Slinky. Oh, the match seems to have been whistled over and done with. So Virgins No More took home a bit of an upset victory over the last season’s champs. In my opinion the key factor in this game was the abysmal dodging of the DSS, that just took away too many manageable blitzing chances. Well, as the match is quieting down, our magicaster wizards seem eager to leave the booth and go visit the refreshment stands. So I have to bid you adieu dear friends. Tune in during the next playoff rounds, we’ll probably be bringing you something special also next time! But now we must be off like a part-time lover from the boudoir of a lady. I've been Gron Grumbundy and this has been Blood Sports Spotlight special. Have a bloody good Blood Bowling week!
« Last Edit: March 28, 2012, 10:35:32 PM by J-Reedy »

Offline Mr B

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« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2012, 11:31:43 PM »
The magic of storytelling never ends :)
Thanks J-R, loving it!


Offline The Golden Arrow

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« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2012, 01:55:58 PM »
Wow, amasing work :)

Its really nice how you manage to keep the standard of these so high and still have them varied.

And capes are so fashionable, don't you think? Also useful for blocking the judges sights to certain events that no respectable elf would ever participate in...