Norsca Union League

A smart looking man enters with a taped on grin that makes him look like a madman on crack:

- We have this little deal to all our bussiness partners, a free ap for your letter writing kit that includes the numbers to the agents of all the major star players. We at KNOCKIA are very proud to announce this new piece of technology and we're glad that you've taken an interest in this.

- You are writing this all down aren't you... I hope to see this on page one of borghafen's news tomorrow, that's not to much to ask from a friend is it?

After he's finished talking he stands still beaming at you and focusing his gaze on an area that would have contained your head if you had been one foot shorter and stood two feet to the left.

Quote from: johoohno on January 30, 2011, 10:16:09 AM
Beautiful. If you find us credit worthy we Woolf love the platinum deal as long as we can pay whenever we can afford it, preferably never stranding us with less than two cows. To show our Hood intention we'll pay one cow right away.

And if we get this deal we'll text Lord Borak right away.

Splendid! You got you self a deal! Since you now owe us some substantial amount of money, don't forget to speak well of us!

Quote from: johoohno on January 28, 2011, 08:14:34 PM
Ohhhh! *or other awe-sounding snort* We've never been this close to a world spread company before.

Is it possible one might be allowed to make an eeny meeny call to one of the true legends in Blood Bowl: Grashnak Blackhoof or Borak the Despoiler? We really can't afford a subscription at the moment, but perhaps one call might be possible nevertheless? Since we're half way through the season one cow might be enough for the time left (or for two calls during the season)?

We approach this company since "Smearixen" and "Three men" haven't got nearly as good sevices as this highly esteemed company.


Pretty pretty please with rot on top!?

Hello! I'm the secretary for Spiffy, and I will speaking on his behalf... Cause he can talk... You know... Cause... He's a snail... Anyways, we cannot reduce our tariffs, even tough we are very please that you prefer us over our evil competitors "Searixen" and Three Men"! BUT!..
We DO belie that you are credit worthy! So we can give you a Knockia Gold or Knockia Platinum, you buy now, you pay when you can. Sounds good?

Hey! I'm eating here, leave me alone! And don't touch my brew, get you own man! ... Just head over to the Monastery, they'll most probably sell you some... I would guess 50 thousand given that your players are pretty beefy, now please leave me to my sandwich...

You have done WELL! The abomination of Whiskers know as Spikes Norman is now safely stored in our torture chamber! Players of Aakan Pirut, you have our blessings!

Now... Wh-wh-wh-where d-d-d... did I put that d-d-d-dam book!?... I can't go d-d-d-disappear on me like that -that!





God no! N-n-not that one! Useless piece of g-g-garbage I say! I thought I threw that nonsense scripture out the w-w-window already -already... Now... Where could be...
Ah! There it is!




D-d-dear companion! I almost th-th-thought I lost you! Now come to daddy... Oh... Gary Gygas... You are so wise!

Hear ye! Hear ye! The Brotherhood of Ull has finished its investigation regarding the mysterious appearance of a whole case of Bloodweiser Ale... The evidence we have have collected shows the SHOCKING truth! We first started our investigation of suspected witchcraft by usual methods: By observing which direction a pig runs of to while spanked on the left side of the behind, and comparing this to the angle which the snails crawls compared to ground in the area, we found that the presence of the Evil Black Magic of Whiskers was very plausible.
Further more: We have eyewitness report of a 50 feet long flying sausage with cans of Bloodweiser Ale tied to it, that supposedly made a quick stop at the Valhalla Stadium. We then made a search of the arena... In the dressing room that "Aakan Pirut" uses, in the locker belonging to Spikes Norman, we found THIS....



This is CLEARLY a cuddly and Most Evil Idol, that can ONLY mean that the player Spikes Norman is indeed a follower of Whisker and a practitioner of its Most Evil Magic! We at the Brotherhood of Ull DEMANDS that Spikes Norman is sacked from his team and handed over to us, so that justice may be brought by capital punishment!

GOD! I get this ALL the time! Let me guess... You saw a big brute down at the market that looked just like Borak the Despoiler, and thought, "Hey, cool! That's Borak"... That was NOT Borak you saw, that was my mother Inga. GOD! I'm so tired to have explain this to everyone... *grinding teeth* Look, of course I would know if any of these legendary players where here, I would invite them to stay in my house of course! Now, those players linger down in the Empire, where the big tournaments are. If you want to contact them, I can't help you. Just send an SMS or something, their agents are usually quick to reply...

So... Your team loses match after match... Those sponsorship contract seems light years away and you never seem to earn any more precious cows... Don't worry! We all now that winning games doesn't mean everything, the only thing that really matters is...



Hats! T-shirts! Cups! Bags! Jackets! Socks! Shoes! Towels! Glasses! Goggles! Toys! Plates! Toothbrushes! Toilet bowl cleaners! Fishing rods! Life jackets! Condoms!
Anything you produce that you stick your team name on will be bought by your stupid fans!

Market analysis show that the Blood Bowl fans of Cowpenhaven has as much as 25 x just waiting to be spent on some stupid piece of crap! So, what are you waiting for! Get those cheap produce out on the market right now!









Note: This is how it works. Post a picture that shows your teams product. As soon as there are 5 products in this thread, there will be a vote: Everyone that has posted a pic here will have 3 votes that they can place on each other (not on your self!). The outcome of the vote reflects your products success on the market. Remember: Expectations are low. You don't need to be an Photoshop master. Posting a random pic you found on google and write a text, posing it as a product, will do just fine!

*Ahem* Excuse me, I'm Brother Pisstopher from the Brotherhood of Ull. Now, we are currently investigating on a suspicion of Witchcraft. Now, that's a matter for us not for the commons. Let us handle this investigation and you will see that the truth will come forward... If you have any details to support our investigation, we will of course hear you out...

I heard you, I heard you. Cheez... There was something wrong with that sandwich... A "Svulst-massage"? That's sounds great! Well of course I'll help you out! Hmm... Lets see... Well, If you want a Mino, you could get one of those from Warla. They have lots of Minos that supplies them with that precious Minotaur Milk. I'll send one of my runners over there and ask if you could borrow one, shouldn't be a problem. Then let's see... Well... Oh, I know! The captain of my guards, Olaf Stinkenberg, would probably be up for it! He's no real Chaos warrior, but he hasn't taken a bath for 25 years and he drinks a pint of Absolut Chaos vodka every day. He would do great! just make sure he has someone to beat up, otherwise he'll be grumpy. So that's it. Don't forget to pay tribute to my during the Cow market, though, cause you owe me one! C ya!

Brother Pisstopher! Hello! HellooOOO!


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Oh! Hi Zei... I mean *clears my throat* Hail lord Psychomullet, son of lord Psychomoustache, son of lord Psychosideburns, Jarl of Cowpenhaven and Hurtsey. What brings us the honour of your visit?
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The coach of Aakan Pirut just told me he found a case of Magical Ale when they had their resent match. I don't miss any Ale, so the brew must have come from here. Have you sold any brew to them? if not, there must be some sort of theft.

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WHAT! Now we haven't sold any brew for a long time... And... Theft! My Lordship knows that we guard the brew with our life, it would be impossible to keep the redness of our beards with out it! It's the core of our belief! .... There must be some other explanation...

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Brother Pisstopher... Are you thinking what I'm thinking....

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This is very serious... You must start an investigation at once...

WHAT!? I didn't do that! Leaving a case of brew on the streets of Cowpenhaven! That's madness! It must have been some sort of theft... I certainly know I don't miss any Magical Ale, so it must have come from the Monastery... I'm heading over there right now to ask if they miss anything...




Leaving a case of brew out in the open... Madness... Who would do such a thing... It would be stolen within minutes...

Quote from: Pidpad on January 20, 2011, 10:41:29 PM
Greetings again Lord Psychomullet!

Your wisdom knows no bounds.
Vecna the Second Demi-God scored twice in our win against those flesh-less things and the slaves performed as you'd expect.
They'll all be returned alive and mostly in working order.

I'll be certain to leave an appropriate amount during the cow market!

What a flush are you talking about!? I was of course there to watch the game, didn't  you see me? ... Didn't you!? ... Ah, newer mind... I have to say, though, prime time entertainment! The three slaves I lent you are really sore and could hardly get out of bed today, Muahahahaha! Wonderfull! They will know better to annoy me in the future. My favourite part of the game was when Vecna bit one of my slaves so hard, she had to be carried of the pitch by a stretcher! Unforgettable entertainment! Muahahahahaha! Catch you later man.

Who are you? *Chewing* *Chewing* *Burp* No wait, wait! ... I know you! Your that guy who coaches those blood-thirsty buggers! * Burp* Love those guys! I have high expectations on that 2nd Demi God guy, he looks fierce! Now was it anything special you wanted?

QuoteWell...Some of my players are complaining about the lack of foo.. err, supporting players on the pitch at times.
Could your lordship maybe allow us to hire some of the peasants around town whenever we show up for a match a bit short on snac.. err players?

I don't understand... Do you want my sandwich? Or what? ... * Chewing * Chewing* ... ... *Chewing* ... ... ... * Burp* ... ... *Fart* ... ... *Chewing* ... ...  Aaaah! Now i get it! You're asking me if I can lend someone from my household to take to the pitch! Well... Yeah, of course! I have some old female slaves that sit out in the back and patch up clothing, they're wizened and flat-chested enough to be mistaken for thralls actually. They have annoyed me some lately. I can lend you those! But... I expect you to pay the annual tribute to me during the Cow Market. If you don't, you'll be fined. But i don't  have to tell you that, right! You're a man of honour! Catch you later, man!