Match Reports, Banter, Trash Talk and Graveyard

[Konna]

Thanks for the hard game, J-Reedy! Really thought I had you on the first half, but then I had to spoil it all by trying something the humies aren't built for. Also please oh please never stop writing such beautiful stuff here or in the weekly reports. It's always a lifesaver.

[The Golden Arrow]

OK, me and ToFex just had one of the strangest games ever with no less than 2 blitzes (one each) and two thrown rocks (both on him, one of them injured a saurus).

My dice were awesome and his sucked which meant that I managed to win the game 5-1 and also win the casualties 5-1, including a dead skink and a dead saurus (who skulled himself out) as well as an armour break on his strength-broken saurus (from the rock). While one of my block linemen misses the next game.

I got so much SPP it's crazy (I think it's between 25 and 30 SPP with 5 touchdowns, 4 casualties and a couple of passes) and got 5! skills, some on players with no SPP before...

Well thanks for the game ToFex, or sorry might be more appropriate...

[Barmution]

Holy crap, commiserations to ToFex, that sounds uncannily like my game against JerXou on MD3.

If it's any consolation, your next game will be against me who has got a massive 2 levels on players and lost both a zombie, a ghoul and a wight during this season, so at least we should be at somewhat the same level.

Is it just me or have this season had a lot of seriously skewed matches? I'm just hoping that the Necro Norvegicus can save enough cash to get wight #2 before next season...

[J-Reedy]

- Don't like the look of this crowd Weepy.
- Whatcha mean coach, looks like a good turnout to me?
- Yeah, but there's too little leering or catcalls for such a big crowd even though our garls are out there doing their stretching. They're the Cougar Kittens for god's sake, the sexiest team to play the game god dammed. There should've been at least two calls for doctor to come fix popped out eyballs by now...
- Gee, ya right boss! I didn't notice that, guess that's why ya're the big honcho and I'm just a waterboy. But why are they so quiet?
- Well, that's NattBowlarna we're playing today - the best and the meanest undead team out there. They have a hell of a lot of fans and I'm guessing that hell has an off-day today. There are more zombies in the stands than behind an average McDeaths' counter.
- Dont'cha worry coach! They can't hurt us from the stands! There' goes the whistle!
- What was that you we're saying Weepy?
- Where did that rock come from?! Scavo is stunned, she's out cold!
- Probably that big mummy in the middle of the section B, row 6, only one strong enough for that kind of throw... Oh bugger, there he goes...
- Who? What! What happened to Courteney?
- CALL THE MEDIC! One of those new temps we got for the game! It was that bastard Simon Stenrumpa, fouled the poor girl so hard she's gone out cold!
- Boss, boss! That new apotechary tried to kill Courteney! Luckily Hugh got there in time, but he says Courteney will probably lose some of her strength permanently!
- Great... And now that buggerin ghoul has the ball, should've kicked it further. There he goes, if Cameron can just take Kling down now...
- She did! Oh...
- Yep, no help if she goes down too. Stunned herself. And there's another stun. And another.
- Little Jimbo didn't manage stun Teri!
- No... BECAUSE SHE WAS KNOCKED OUT! And there's the handoff, just as expected. How are we supposed to get the ball away from that wight? Can't see from here. Do you see which one of the wights it is Weepy? not the one that has the leg muscles of an elephant sewn in to replace his biceps?
- Ya' right boss! That's Molle Stålvass, it's really easy to tell him apart because his arms are thicker than his thighs!
- Bony bastard. Oh for christ sake!
- They threw Zara to the stands! To the B section! What's happening?
- That buggering mummy again, I swear he must've been planted there...
- Coach, coach! Hugh says that Zara has a broken neck! No chance to him to try to fix her up, she won't let anybody but her personal physician touch her! She's out of the game! What will we do?
- Well, for now we'll try to get Scavo up and running. Lil' Jimbo just knocked her out. Oh, and tell Hugh not to waste time on up Christina, looks like Pebblebasher only managed to hurt her badly, she should be OK for next match. And prepare to kick-off the ball again.
- Why? Oh, Molle scored...
- Was to be expected, girls just don't seem to be able stay on the field today. Ok, how many can we get out there Weepy?
- 10 sir! And less than half a half to go!
- Buggering bugger. OK, here's the plan Jennifer Cameron picks up the ball and we cage it at the middle field. If we don't get a chance for score right away, we just keep the ball close to sidelines and out of reach of bowlers. OK women, off you go and do me proud!
- Good pep talk general! Look, they're doing just as you told!
- But there goes Lana down, she was only one close enough for score. OK, time to play time. They need a bit of of luck to get the ball out now.
- Look, it's Molle again! He pushed Jennifer Cameron to the stands with the ball!
- Where did the ball go! Who's got the ball?
- There it is coach! Landed just next to that zombie deep in their half! No worries no boss, he'll never get it up!
- Rotten corpse got it up, can't believe it!
- Don't worry boss, he'll never manage an accurate pass!
- That's a perfect throw right there...
- Dont'cha worry boss the ghoull will...
- SHUT UP WEEPY!
- Look, he fumbled the catch! Just as I said coach, no worries!
- There goes the whistle. OK, Weepy, you hold the fort for the break now, I have some business to attend to.
- Sure thing Coach!

- Coach, coach! Where are you! They already kicked the ball to us! Oh there you are coach. Are you OK? You look a bit tired.
- No problems Weepy. Here. Take these. Tell the girls that we got some extra soft toilet paper to use as a generous gift from the crowd.
- Toilet paper? But these look like linen wrappings. And they look like they're used. And old. And this one has some funny looking hieroglyphs or something.
- Just do as I told. That's toilet paper now. And we shouldn't have to worry about any rocks no more. What's happening Weepy?
- We got a full team out there coach! And J-C caught the ball straight from the kick-off! She's now running the left middle route as you like it!
- Ok, looks good. Buggering bugger. Who was that?
- Lana sir! Looks like she is knocked out!
- They're starting the trashing again. Ok, Weepy, go pull up that red flag I gave you to that post.
- How high sir?
- As high as you can get it.
- Sure sir! It's up there, just don't know how that'll help us. GEESUS WHISKERS! What was that?
- Oh, looked like a fireball. Must've had a volcanic explosion out there somewhere. But don't worry Weepy, it just took down those two undeads. J-C should be able to squeeze through that hole now!
- Right ya're boss. She did! And there's Teri Susan to cover her and Eve Gabrielle. Just need Anna to make that dodge and we'll have a tight cage around her! No worries now boss!
- Shut up Weepy.
- It's not my fault she stumbled! And there's no reason to worry boss! They'll never get J-C down!
- Shut up Weepy.
- Nothing to worry boss! J-C wasn't hurt and they didn't get the ball! It's laying next to Molle the wight and Pebblebasher the ghoul! Teri Susan can take one of them down for sure! No worries.
- SHUT UP WEEPY!
- Can't understand, she never ever fails her dodges, there wasn't even a tackler out there.
- And now they make a double play, great... Well, at least the ref spotted that foul.
- Double play? What! Coach, coach! Both J-C and Eve Gabrielle were hurt seriously! Hugh says Eve will get a niggler if he doesn't do anything.
- Yep, have him fix her up. Did they get the ball up?
- Ponu the Greedy got it coach! The ghoul! He's gunning for the middle! But don't worry, Marcie Bree's there to cut him off. No worries!
- Please don't say that Weepy...
- They managed to get her down somehow. But don't you worry boss, they're making a handoff now and everybody knows that zombies are not agile enough for an effective ball handling coach!
- That's a ghoul handing of to wight Weepy. I'm off, I'll be back after we've kicked off, tell the gals to practise some passing play.
- You're off boss? But the play is still on coach! We still have a... Oh, they scored now.

- Coach, coach! Where are you? Come here! Did you see that? That zombie Stan Stumpen got stunned by a rock from the crowds! That was a beautifull shot!
- Yep, just like in the old days when I pitched for... Oh, tell Hugh to come here and have a look at my elbow, I think I must've overstrained it. Are the girls passing the ball?
- Sure are, Eve Gabrielle just threw a beauty to Maria. But I don't see if there's any point in this coach?
- There's a point in every pass Weepy, you would do well to remember that. OK, it should be over now.
- Right you are coach, there goes the whistle! Sorry that we lost boss, but don't ya worry! We'll still have a chance for playoffs! Just need either the NattBowlarna or Jungle_Boogie to tie a game and....
- SHUT UP WEEPY!


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And here are the coaches... well not that coach up there but the... well basically I am coaching... getting paranoid here... OK, so here are the gamer's comments:
Even game with the dice, neither side made any big errors and that usually means that the better team wins. So it was 2-0 victory for the NattBowlarna against Cougar Kittens. Flawless game from Mr B., congratulations. I'll just have to trust that the third time we play will be the charm for me:)

[Mr B]

Nice one as always! :) ;) :D ;D
I hope the run down in Amsterdam went flawless for you buddy.
Nice to have you back!

Cheers!
/B

[J-Reedy]

From down south they came, the sons of the desert, those who were once forgotten and whom sand had already covered. Those who once with glee and joy played the noblest of all games that was abandonded for centuries. Those who then rose again from the sands when the game of the champions was once again discovered. Those who were once called Khemri and now Staffans Hooligang.
And they traveled to visit those whose beauty the whole world admired. Those who used to dwell in the jungles but who now roam in the fields where the noblest of all games is played. Those who dazzle with both their smiles and skills in the game of the champions. Those who will some day be beasts without rivals but who for now are called Cougar Kittens.
And so it was that the Kittens were the first to defend and so they kicked the ball to those who once were kings of their lands but who now rule the field of Blood Bowl. While the ball flew, the striped one they call the referee got it from the crowd but the one who got the ball was the called Amunis Khopis.
Then the lines of players clashed and fists struck chests, elbows found ribs and shoulders hit together. And the clash was gigantic but only a few were to fall. And the players of the noblest of all games were pushed around but nobody was harmed. And so it went for a while but then the heavens erupted.
And down came fire and brimstone, striking down three sons of the south. What the ball struck was the ground where it was to come to lay. And behold, then there came one of the Kittens they called Marcia Bree who was trusted to guard the ball from the Hooligang. But soon she too struck the ground and she came to lay next to the ball. And so Amunis Khopis was free to rise and take the ball again.
This was the time where the Kittens were in distress with half of their line struck down. But she whom they call Maria would inspire them with a fierce blow. A blow that hurt Nefmat Senut of the once-kings so badly that he was carried from the field of champions. Thus were the jungle women inspired, and Lana Kreuk would strike like a blitz and lightning, and her fist would find Amunis Khopis and he would be knocked down. And again the ball struck the ground and came to lay still. But now there were three of the Kittens to lay vigil on the ball. But then would come those that desert winds once warmed and push the Kittens away from the ball. Then in turn those who jungle cats call friends, would push back and come once again to lay vigil onthe ball.
And so it went for time and time again and it seemed there would be no champion who could win the ball. But the crowds roared when the champion was found. An he was the who once was flesh, skin and blood but who now shows only his bones, the one with the name of Ptahtra Ahasht, the one who would foul and strike Lana Kreuk lying prone on the field.
And she went lifeless and her last breath was seen to leave her body. But it would not be. For it was that the one with skills in the arts of healing would catch her last breath and gently guide it back to her body and she would breathe again and return to play the game of champions.
So the game of blood and fury went, with both sides now thin on players but strong on will. And for a moment it looked that the one with the strongest of wills was Marcia Bree who like a blitzing storm laid a fierce blow on Nesheb of Imhef. And from this blow Neshed would finally find peace. For his bones crumbled to dust and he flew with the wind back to the land of desert. And as his bones struck the ground, they fell on the ball which took a bounce. And behold, there would be Cameron to catch the ball.
But then came he with truly the strongest of wills. He whom the desert once feared and who now strikes fear to hearts of his opponents. The one who had already known the ball and would call it his friend. And he was Amunis Khopis. He sent the guardian of tombs to strike down Cameron and then, so swear all who saw it, he flew to the ball, bend down and and took the ball in his arms. And when he came up he saw Hephis Pahco and with a mighty heave, flung the ball to him. And so true was the pass that there was no chance for falselyhood and the catch was true.
The crowds gave out such a mighty roar that they say it was heard all the way in the deserts of Khemri. And there would be rejoicing for the sons of Khemri had scored. And after the festivity calmed down they still clashed once but then they would let it be, for they saw that time would now be halfed.

Both the sons and daughters rested and gathered strength. And then they returned. To the field they marched once again, onto the grass now stained with blood and sweat. And then the ball flew, but if fell short. And the leader of the Kittens looked who would be worthy to carry the ball. He looked hard into the hearts of the warrior women to see who had the most fire in her and lightning bolts on her feet. And he saw that it was Lana Kreuk.
Again the lines clashed together and as they both now knew each other, there would be no mercy. So fierce was the first blow of the Kittens' that down went a tomb guardian and the whole line of skeletons was knocked off their feet. But the sons of the sun would strike back. And mighty would be their blows. And the one to suffer the brunt of them was to be Anne who was hurt badly. And they would carry her out and she would not return.
While the lines had crashed together Lana Kreuk had run, lying with her feet that she favoured left. But after the clash subdued, she sprinted through the middle and showed that it truly was right that would be her love. And it seemed that she was free as a bird when she ran but then the Hooligang line clashed with the Kittens once again and Teri Susan and Scarlett were knocked out. So opened a lane for the once deads and Lana was caught by a tomb guardian and a skeleton who would guard her closely. She tried to blitz like a lightning and storm but she had no heart for it and she did not get free. For her heart was in running and dodging and that would set her free and that se did. But as she freed herself, she was followed by Mathit the Everlastin, once the guardian of tombs, now the guardian of the goal line. He struck, pushed her back and the crowd gasped, as Lana was about to fall to their grasp. It seemed that even the time itself stopped to see when Mathit the mighty prepared to strike the final blow. And then his fists came down, flying through the air and looking to lay judgement on Lana.
But the judgement day was not to come. For she blocked the blow and sent Mathit flying down to the ground. And then flew Lana with her feet as wings to the goal. And there would be cheers and glory waiting, as the Kittens tied to the score in the noblest game of the champions.

Third time would come to kick the ball and so it was. When the ball landed so did the blows of the Khemri, sons of desert and sun. But the sun was setting down to rest and desert was far. Down went a Hooligang hero and the Kittens stormed forward. Like a swarm of jungle bees and as fast as forest cats they flew to guard the ball and keep those who once breathed away. But it would not be.
For from the lines of khemri Luxro Imhef broke free, ran to the ball and gave it safe haven in his boney arms. And it seemed that the game would end with neither of the sides succeeding to score. But so it would not be.
For there was one with fire in her heart, doom in her fists, steel in her hands, lightning in her feet and fury in her eyes. Lana Kreuk blitzed and Luxro fell. And so mighty was the speed of her strike, that as Lana flew for the goal, Luxro was carried out with ankle so twisted and bend. But this Lana would not see for she only had eyes for the line chalked to the ground. The line that would make her the true heroine of the game. And that line she crossed. And then they cheered.

Back down south they went, the sons of the desert, those who were once forgotten and whom sand had already covered. Those who once with glee and joy played the noblest of all games that was abandonded for centuries. Those who then rose again from the sands when the game of the champions was once again discovered. Those who were once called Khemri and now Staffans Hooligang. Those who had fought nobly but had not availed.
For they traveled to visit those whose beauty the whole world admired. Those who used to dwell in the jungles but who now roam in the fields where the noblest of all games is played. Those who dazzle with both their smiles and skills in the game of the champions. Those who will some day be beasts without rivals but who for now are called Cougar Kittens. Those who had won.

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Went for the epic feel with this match report as the game really was decided because of the epicly bad dice day of Staffan. During the first half the dice day seemed quite fair and the game was tight. I thought I had Staffan's attack halted but then Staffan managed to score on the final turn with an extremely elegant blitz and passing play. In the second half the epicly bad dice luck struck and Staffan rolled double skulls three or four times and also double both downs with a blockless tomb guardian in situation where push back would've sent my ball carrier flying to the stands. Another sign of a bad dice day were the three casualties I scored, as all the regeneration rolls failed in those (one being the death of a blodge skeleton). Score 2-1 and casualties 3-2 for the Kittens.

[J-Reedy]

REQUIEM FOR MARCIA BREE AND EVA GABRIELLE - BLITZERS OF COUGAR KITTENS

Here they lie, aye, two of them
side by side as on the field
fierce fighter and a beautiful femme
from death they got no shield.

Marcia as brave as any
Eve as courageous as all
admirers they both had many
who cried when they were to fall.

Lightning and thunder
whom with beauty and grace
from life were to sunder
adorned with steel and lace.

Let the heavens tremble and hell shake
for when you arrive and go to play
all those gone before will break and quake
for you will jive and your enemies flay.