Blood Sports Spotlight

[J-Reedy]

SEASON OPENING MAGICAST SPECTACULAR

- OK guys, let's make some magic happen! I'm ready whenever you are, start doing what you need to do to get us on the air. What ya waving about Nippy? What? We're on already... Why didn't...
- WELCOME YA ALL to the spectacular opening magicast of Blood Sports Spotlight's second season! Blood Sports Spotlight - the best place to get your fix of that addictive stuff they call Norsca Union League and that we affectionately call NUL. I'm your host Gron Grumbundy, back better than ever!
- Well, that won't require lot's of improvement.
- ...Why yes thank you... The voice you just heard belongs to our new specialist. As the NUL has taken a surge of new teams and races we haven't seen in the couple of previous seasons, we decided we should get a man who knows all about Blood Bowl and the different races that play that noble game. He is of course the former all-star player of the famous all-vampire team Red Sucks and the former coach of three-time champion Amazon team Bloody Iron Maidens - who by the way earner their somewhat uncommon name due to the uncommon iron bands they wore around their necks for some reason - but I digress back to the man in question, the current retiree from the game of Blood Bowl but still an avid follower of the game, he is of course Baron Puffly Kissycheeks!
- I prefer to be called Baron, if you don't mind Gron.
- Well, to my understanding the common etiquette in magicast circles is that announcers should go by their first name and not their title, so..
- If you don't mind some fresh bite marks in your neck...
- ...so I think we should really not give a hoot about the etiquette of magicast as we're all about Blood Bowl and Blood Bowl is all about the titles! And this year there are 12 teams in the NUL's Feeders division competing for the title, so we really should dive into the analysis of the teams and the matchups. Unfortunately we didn't have time to run a magicast before the first week of games, so we have now lots of ground to cover!
- Yes... I understand you were... incapacitated for some time. If hear that Grock the troll finally understood one of your comments you made about him couple of months ago in this very magicast and managed to even remember those comments when you met him at the opening gala. By the way, is it really as painful to have a halfling removed from your ...rear area... as they say?
- Ammm... How would I know... ...just nasty rumors.. I assure Grock and I are at best of terms now that I've gotten that court ord... Well, yes, enough about that... Baron, as I said, you're the specialist when it comes to races and specially their styles of Blood Bowling. Can you shed a light as how you've gained such an insight into these matters before we delve into the analysis of the NUL?
- It helps that I've lived for quite a while now ...I did attend the first ever game you know, as a spectator of course. Fell in love of the game at that moment. It's really a delicious and extremely filling game for the hungry... So, I guess that it could be said that I've gotten ...a taste... of every race that've ever played Blood Bowl... And one could say, that I've never been afraid of ...getting some dirt and blood on my hands... while struggling to get through in life ...or on the playing field.  
- OK... Yes.. So let's move on! We'll go by all the teams in the order of the schedule of the first week, so we'll start with the elf pro team Shining Sins and the dwarven Midget Stuntmen who went against each other in a violent match - violent for the elfs that is - where the Stuntmen got a 1-2 victory with 0-4 edge in casualties and 0-1 in deaths. You couldn't call that a surprise could you Baron?
- Must say that the elfs got the worst possible opponent for them. Dwarfs and elfs have had a long history of ...socializing with each other... so dwarfs have really learned how you down an elf ...and then beat him into a bloody pulp. Elfs are really good at jumping over opponents you know, but those pointy and horned helmets of the dwarfs really makes it painful if you miscalculate your landing spot.
- No surprises in the Shining Sins' lineup, their thrower Jll..., Yll.., Yalla..., mr. Tinuren will surely rack up some completions and then there is of course the duo of catchers that can leave anyone on the line in the straight up running contest. And if there's anything positive about their loss, I guess it is the fact that none of their skill players were injured. But they do have to freeboot a player for their next matchup. That's against the orc Crunch Masters, what do you think about the Sins' chances in that game Baron?
- Well, the league has two dwarf teams, two chaos sides and two orc hordes so the elfs won't have it easy. But I must say that if you must go against an orc team, you better do it early when the orcs have not yet learned the art of blocking. Every player of the Shining Sins has more talent with the ball than the most skillful orc player so I'm giving the Sins a fighting chance if they can stay out of fights. And I would assume that they might charm a Bloodweiser babe to help them with their knockout recovery.
- So the Sins have a chance to shine in their next match is the Baron's verdict. Onto the Midget Stuntmen that probably want to see as much as fights in their games as possible. Am I right or am I right Baron?
- No you're not, you're stating an obvious. Of course the dwarfs want to make the game as physical as possible. They're not especially good at playing the ball or making agility plays and they sure won't be making plays with their feet. But if there's one thing they do know, it's how to block and how not to get hurt. I mean come on, even the armour would be enough but then they have those buggering beards that cover their necks and soften their falls. I've noticed that the best way to play against the dwarfs is to hurl beer at them so that their beards get soaked with the stuff. That usually leaves most of the little buggers sucking on their beards in an effort not to loose any of the beer.
- Quite an unusual tactic there but very efficient against the dwarfs I assume. Well the Stuntmen have a promising runner, Alglid in their roster. The lad scored both of the Midget folks TDs. Lack of apothecary is an interesting choice, looks like they're counting on their natural defences. Will that be enough against the chaos team Disorganised Dudes whom the Stuntmen will face next?
- Ah, the horny chaos folk. Their blood is quite tasty you know, with a hint of game in the beastmen and oozes of blood in the warriors. Chaos Warriors have strength and their armour is equal of the dwarfs. But dwarfs can block and that is their biggest advantage. Nobody should be running away in this game, it'll probably be a tight game where blocks decide the day.
- Let's continue with the Disorganised Dudes. They met the norse Dragon Trainers in their first match and whupped them 2-1 both in TDs and casualties. Both teams suffered one serious casualty that won't be playing this week. The Trainers' casualty was more serious, as it was their promising rookie runner Hiccup Horrendous. Dudes on the other hands lost just a beastman and they've got enough cash to hire a new beastie boy if they want to. What's your take on these teams Baron?
- It's curious that both teams went into season without a team physician. Norse are hard to knock down, but when you do get them down, they're just as easy to brake as elfs and skavens. Horny ones have a bit tougher hide but still a good apothecary has never hurt anyone. There are of course some more ...unconventional... apothecaries, like my former team mate from the all-vampire team, Count Marrow, PhD. He prides himself on the fact that none of the casualties he has treared have ever died of the injuries suffered in the game and not a drop of their blood has been lost... Curiously all of his patients have nevertheless died.. of lack of blood.
- That's an insight into game you won't get from anywhere else right there! Back to the Disorganised Dudes, looks like they've gone with the standard lineup of the four warriors with beastmen supporting. Beastie boy Shilow Tail looks to be developing quickly into a fine player. As mentioned, Dudes' next game will be against Midget Stuntman which promises to be a tough and physical game. Dudes have the advantage in strength and Stuntmen in skills. Brute force against natural talent.
- I think horny hellhounds against bearded buggers is the more accurate description.
- As you say Baron. On to the Dragon Trainers. Norse are as talented blockers as dwarfs but their durability is nowhere near the little folks.
- Well, actually skavens could be classified as little folks and norse are as durable as them. And they are quite close in durability to halflings, who really are little folk. Do you know that halflings make quite an interesting snack? You never know what brand of tobacco and what food stuff will be coursing through their veins...
- All right, I'll have to admit you have me there Baron. But do you agree with me that the Dragon Trainers look to be developing into a surprisingly strenghty team with the beserker Gobber the Belch developing into a skillful guard player and with a werewolf and yhetee already in their ranks?
- Yeess, norse teams are known to be as strong as the beer they drink. That's why we usually replaced their ale supplies with a watered down lager before games. Those runners seem quite dauntless with their head full of beer but take their buzz away and they're just average humans running around without a shirt. But the Trainers look promising, only thing worries me about them is that smashed collar bone of the Hiccup Horrendous. That kind of injury sets them back, it'll probably take a match or two before they manage to replace him.
- Dragon Trainers next match will be a home match against Orkitis B.C. The orcs won their first match but suffered an injury that'll take one of their black orc blockers or BOBs as I like to call them out of this matchup. How do you see this match going Baron?
- As I said earlier, it is generally better to face the orcs early when they're less experienced. With the black orc Gabber Bruiz'Elbow out of the game the Dragon Trainers can easily match the orcs strength with their natural talent. But I have to say that if the Orkitis blitzer Rokzig continues his fine play, the norse will be in trouble against his mighty blows.
- Orcs are always talented and Orkitis seems to have a balanced roster. And they even have an apothecary. But have I understood correctly that the orcish medicine is quite specialized?
- You might say that. Orcish apothecaries are big brown orcs whose medical equipment consists of a club. They keep on hitting their patients onto their head until the patient decides that it is better to get healed than to suffer the treatment. Quite effective.
- Interesting. Well, the team that caused the serious injury for the BOB Gabber were the other chaos team of the league, namely Bloody Gorers. Orkitis won the touchdowns 2-0 and casualties 2-1 but the Gorers showed that they can run, as they advanced the ball just as effectively as the orcs. Unfortunately both of the casualties that the Gorers suffered were serious, so the beastman Whiz Killer and curiously named Chaos Warrior You do mean BLOODY Mary? will miss the Gorers' next match.
- I once knew a woman name Mary. But she wasn't bloody ...at least now after I left her... matter of fact she seemed quite pale. Yes, tough match for the Gorers but one positive thing going for them is that Not a ketchup fancier has learned to block quite efficiently. That'll come handy in their next matchup against those block-talent-lacking ogres.
- Right, Bloody Gorers will get a visit from the ogre team Fasta Stronga Betta who suffered a 1-0 defeat against the necromantic Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. Surprisingly none of the FSB's snotlings were seriously injured so they'll be going against Gorers with their full strength and boy do they have strength!
- Unfortunately that strength is attached to quite thick-skulled and clumsy footed and handed ogres. The ogre teams are quite notorious as often mistaking heads as balls. Of course all usually goes well if the head in question belongs to the opposing player...
- Yes, ogres form the backbone of the team but snotlings are the ones that'll usually decide the game, literally flying through the opposing lines with the ball if everything goes well. Any speculations about the result of the Gorers versus FSB match Baron?
- One team to win, one team to lose, one league to govern them all.
- ...Not sure about what that meant. Must be a deeper meaning there. Well, on to the necromantic Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. This is quite peculiar team, as they claim that they are not really a Blood Bowl team but a "gentlemen's club for those interested in the art of wolf-whistling". What's your take on them Baron?
- They're a bloody exclusive club I say. I once tried to get in but they have limited number of members and some of those old geezers seem to have held onto their membership forever.
- ...So they're not a Blood Bowl team?
- No, they're a fairly normal necromantic Blood Bowl team but that's just part of physical club activities.
- Can't make a head or tails of this team. Well that's not quite accurate, two of their players have tails... The werewolves Geri the Greedy and Freki the Hungry will probably see most of the action as is the way with the necro teams. And the next action that the Whistlers will see is against the dwarfen BuzcaBass who won their first match.
- BuzcaBass had efficient running from their runners Harquas and Destoral. Looks like a quite normal dwarf team, they're also lacking an apothecary which may prove fatal considering that the werewolves tend to be a bit ...penetrative... with their claws.
- Yes, the dwarfs won't have their usual armour advantage over the big hounds. How do you see this matchup going?
- Wolf-Whistlers have the advantage in speed and strength and the BuzcaBass in blocking. Lots will depend on the injuries or lack of them. If the troll slayers Anchalagon and Thornak will be able to handle the necro's golems, I'd say this might go to the dwarfs.
- Well, the team that the BuzcaBass beat in the first round was the skaven Space Cheese. Touchdowns and casualties both 1-2 for the dwarfs. Lots of running in this game, but surprisingly the dwarfs were the ones with more yards gained by rushing. One interception that the Space Cheese suffered probably decided the game. Baron, what's your take on this skaven team?
- Their thrower is Doomed. Nomen est omen, as my granddad Killad b'Granchaild used to say ...and how true he was. As always with skavens, gutter runners are the key players. Space Cheese seems to have gone with the full team of 4 runners which will enable elegant running patterns even without one handoff. Looking at the Cheese's schedule, their true test will week 4 where they go against the dwarfs. Those tackling hairy little buggers are quite problematic for those dodging furry little buggers.
- That's so true Baron. Well, the skavens are usually fast both in running and gathering experience. So if they survive long enough, this could become a strong skill team. Their next opponents might not yet be called a skilled team but they have natural talent and agility. I'm of course talking about the second elf team of the NUL, Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. They are the darker ones of the elf folk.
- Ah, the ones with violent mind who won't stand for grind. Instead they hit and run while scoring a tonne. I quite fancy dark elves. The witch elfs are quite ...witching. It's so much nicer to dine ...and wine... with a females that have little dark blood ...it tastes quite like red wine... in them. I may have to go see this matchup. DSS's Eviscerating Evilyn will have her hands full with those gutter runners, interesting to see if she'll get into frenzy when she sees the rats.
- I think that Druchii Smuchii Schmoo's blitzer trio will have to do most of the work if the elfs want to succeed whicoh they should do considering they have the advantage of numbers over the stormvermin duo of Shizz and Khizz. But you're right Baron, this should be an interesting matchup! DSS won their first match. That was the 2-0 victory over the orcish Crunch Masters. Masters have taken a bit different team buildup route with their roster as the other orcish team Orkitis. Looks like the Masters rely on the skills of throwers over the strength of the BOBs. What's your verdict on this team Baron?
- Their blitzers are off to a fast start. With a bit of luck this team will be quite skilled in a couple of games. The Shining Sins will probably put the Crunch Masters defensive skills to a test but with the strength advantage they should be able to score on a running plays. Win will probably depend a lot on the kickoff frequency and who'll kickoff first.
- That's all the teams with a brief summary of  games already played. Thank you Baron for your valuable insights.
- You're welcome, I'll take my leave now, I'm feeling a little peckish, so I'll probably go hunt a little snack for myself. By the way, that coffee-boy of yours ...Nippy I think he is named... do you know if there's any halfling blood in him? He smells quite del...
- RUN LIKE A WIND NIPPY! Well, next I'd like to introduce to you our other specialist who'll be breaking down some of the statistics of NUL for us starting next week. He is Gall'p Keines, welcome.
- Thank you very much mr. Grumbundy, it's a pleasure to be here! You know that in a matter of fact the statistical probability of an average dwarf blocker downing an...
- Sorry Gall'p but our time is running short and I'd just like to introduce you and your methods to the listeners. I understand that you're theories and modern ideas have caused quite a controversy in our lovely and traditional sport. Could you briefly sum up your theorems for us?
- Well mr. Grumbundy, I've gathered data of the all the individual performances from all of the games of all of the leagues from the past 10 seasons and based on this data I've calculated the statistical probabilities for the individual players to succeed in any given game maneuver.
- That sounds quite ridiculous Gall'p, surely you must admit that the skills of individual players decide the game, not the statistics.
- Actually mr. Grumbundy I've taken into account the experience of shown talent of the players, for example, if an average human lineman is an experienced blocker, statistically his chances of knocking down an opponent increase from 34 percent to 50 percent! That's of course assuming that he is blocking a rookie player, with no...
- Well Gall'p, it sure sounds like that if we played Blood Bowl you're way, the games could be decided with a roll of a dice! HAHAHA!
- Actually we'd might need as much as three dices to produce all the statistical variances...
- Three's better than one with beer and wenches, I'll give you that Gall'p! Well, your ideas do sound amusing, I think we'll have to you give a spot at the end of our magicast, little humor to end the serious talk of the sport of Kings, the game that even gods fear to play but love to watch. The game we call Blood Bowl. And remember, the best league for Blood Bowling is NUL and the best place to get your dose of NUL is the Blood Sports Spotlight! Tune in next week when we recap all the matches. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

[Mr B]

hehe, very nice!
And the NUL Orcar for best write up goes toooo.... ;D

[Barmution]

Great writeup, as always  ;D

I can report that Evilyn of Druchii Smuchii Schmoo seems strangely receptive to the idea of dining with the Baron. A vampire that scores well with the goth chicks, who would have figured? Tell that blood sucker that she is to be home before sunrise and in decent enough shape to be able to push some filthy rats off the field, else I will regrettably have to inform Imperial Inquisitor-Stakemaster Abraham van Heckshout of his daytime refuge.

-Barm

[J-Reedy]

WEEK 2 RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 3 SPECULATIONS

- Welcome everyone to Blood Sports Spotlight - THE place to get your information on NUL! That's Norsca Union League for our new listeners and I'm your host Gron Grumbundy! Today we'll talk about the results of the week 2 games and take sneak peak to the week 3 games. With me today is none other than...
- THE MIGHTY BARON IS HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU!
- ...Baron Kissycheeks? I mean just BARON, no kissy! Erm, Baron, I thought you were only booked as one-off specialist for our opening extravaganza and we'd have the elven star player Ajatar I'anikuinen here today?
- Oh, you mean the ...very pale... she-elf I just met at the dressing room. She won't be able to make, I'm quite sure about that, she looked quite ...exhausted. So, I just so much fun last time that I wanted to keep on doing this magicast. I'm sure my new show will be quite successful.
- Your show?! But I'm the host and...
- Ahh, if you're the host, I do believe that is the duty of the host to ...feed... his guests. You wouldn't happen to have a couple of pints of extra blood ...on you... if you truly are the host of this magnificent event?
- AS I was saying, this is Blood Sports Spotlight with your hosts Baron and Gron Grumbundy!
- Ahem...
- ...with your host Baron and co-host Gron Grumbundy!
- Ahem...
- ...with your host Baron and assistant host Gron Grumbundy!
- I guess that'll do, although it might be that I really should you make my thrall later. Would make things go much ...smoother. On with the show Gron!
- All right... Let's start with last week's results. After week two the top of the standings are occupied by green and short teams with the orkish Orkitis B.C. and the dwarfen BuzcaBass in the lead with two victories from two matches. The Orkitis are in lead with an amazing touchdown differential of +4! Baron, what's your take on this?
- Not surprising, both the orcs and dwarfs are races that have lots of specialist players available even on the rookie levels. So their teams generally do well right from the start.
- Orkitis B.K. beat the norse Dragon Trainers in their second match. And when I said beat, I really mean they beat up the norse! Orkitis scored 2 touchdowns and a whopping 4 casualties! One of casualties was that of a permanent sort with the linenorse Snotlout set out to sea in flaming longboat after the match.
- Yes, it seems that the orkish coach has a good eye for reinforcements. I believe it was the freebooted lineorc Marmar who made the lethal block.
- Right you are Baron...
- Of course I am, and extremely handsome too.
- ...As you say... Well, Dragon Trainers will be seriously undermanned in their next match as also their werewolf Stoick the Vast suffered an injury that'll keep him from the next game, pinched nerve as I hear.
- The nerve of those werewolves! HAHA!. Loathsome beings those werewolfs. I've never liked food that tries to bite back. Well, onwards Gron, to the next match!
- Why thank you Baron... Yes, the other top team BuzcaBass hosted the necromantic Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers in a tight game that ended 1-0 for the dwarfs. Dwarfs also won the casualties 3 to 1 but the difference in this match seemed to be the knock-outs. BuzcaBass KO'd necros 5 times against the Wolf-Whistlers one KO against the short and bearded.
- It's so hard to block a dwarf. First of all, you have to figure out if the dwarf player is already knocked down or if he's standing. Some of those buggers are just about as tall lying down as they're standing up.
- Well, both teams suffered injuries that won't be playing in the next match. Wolf-Whistlers probably won't cry over zombie Auguste missing the next game.
- Although I believe his injury also resulted in losing some of his armor, seems that some of the muscle tissue from his lower back has not regenerated back. It's really curious, but I don't think you really should believe in the rumors that the dwarf runner who injured Auguste ...Harquas I believe..., has developed somewhat of an ...unusual... liking to zombie stakes and might've grabbed ...a piece... Auguste.
- Oh, that can't be true Baron. I know Harquas, I just attended a barbeque party he had after their last match, really a nice chap. And the hamburgers he made were really delicious, the meat was really tenderized and... MAKE WAY!
- Where you're going Gron? Oh, to the loo, must be one of those bowel movement issues that you lesser races suffer from. We'll, It seems I must again carry the show. Yes, the dwarfs on the other hand will probably miss their runner Destoral, who suffered a niggling injury. And as BuzcaBass wisely hired an apothecary after the match, they don't have enough cash at hand to hire any new players, so they'll go freebooting. Oh, you're back Gron.
- Ahem... Yes. All righty, let's move down in the standings. The third and fourth places were earned with 4 points, that is one victory and one tied game. And the teams that hold these places are the chaos team Disorganized Dudes and the dwarfish Midget Stuntmen. They both won their first matches and then at the second week they tied 1-1 against each other. The game was extremely tight and I believe the Disorganized Dudes secured the tie with a spectacular last minute passing play! Both teams also suffered from acute cases of deaths.
- Yes, the Dudes' Erratic Eric made a nice block against Karlok the blitzer that resulted in Karlok's body parts getting into quite a ...chaotic... order. Bryn Dok-Troll on the other hand was responsible for the death of Shiey Pelt. Although to my understanding Bryn merely evaded Shiey Pelt's blitz and Pelt impaled himself with his own horns. That's quite an ...agile... feat for a beastman.
- Moving on in the standings. Teams with one victory and one loss occupy the places from fifth to seventh and those teams are Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers whose match we already covered, the skaven Space Cheese and the dark elf team Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. The matchup were the Space Cheese secured their opening win was against the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. This was an high-scoring affair, touchdowns went 1-3 for the rat folk and casualties were split 3-3.
- Ahh, the Dark Elfs with that enchanting witch elf.
- Well Baron, you're girlfriend didn't too much in that match, I must sa...
- Girlfriend, what do you mean? Explain yourself Gron.
- We'll I talked with the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo's coach in that barbeque party and it seems that the Evelyn the witch elf heard our last magicast and was quite taken with your praises of her...
- Interesting... I probably should... Hmm....
- Well, anyways, about the casualties that the DSS suffered. Niles the Nun Nailsman will find it harder or at least somewhat painful to nail any more nuns as he smashed his hip and will also miss DSS's next match. Simon the Slicer, we'll I guess he was lucky. He was declared dead on the field but the DSS team doctor managed to nurse him back to health but he will be out of the next game and will probably lose some of his strength.
- Enough of this meaningless chatter! I have more ...enchanting... things to do! THRALL! THRALL! COME HERE! You don't happen to know where the dark elf team is residing at the moment Gron?
- I guess, they should be at their stadium preparing for their match against the Gorers... Why isn't that Ajatar I'anikuinen?
- What? No, don't be silly Gron. That's my thrall ...ehmm... ....Ajatar the Bloodless. Thrall Bloodless, you shall sit here and convey to me anything that this man says and say to him everything I order you to say. Do you understand thrall?
- yes master baron, i shall obey you're magnificent powers
- What's going on here Baron?
- I must be off Gron, forgot that I have an ...interesting... appointment. My thrall here shall cover for me. I'll see you next week! **PFOOF**
- **Cough** **cough***. ...Well, If I've known earlier this would happen, I'd have started with that match... Nippy! You can come out from the closet!
- so that's where he was, interesting, quite a fast bugger that coffee-boy
- What did you say Ajatar I'anikuinen?
- i already told you that she ...or i'm... not ajatar i'anikuinen but my ...baron's... thrall. as i said i'll be communicating through her ...me
- ... All right. This is quite normal... Let us continue. Yes... Space Cheese also suffered two casualties that won't be available for their next game. Linerats Puush and You' will be out but the skavens have enough money to replace one of them if they want to. What do you think they'll do Ajat... Baron?
- ...enchanting evelyn... ...yes... what! no! don't say that! only what i order you to... yes... amm... skavens.... they'll probably buy some cheese...
- All right... Well, let's continue down in the standings. Next we have a bunch of teams with one point, that is one tie and one loss under their belts. These are the ogre Fasta Stronga Betta, elfen Shining Sins, orkish Crunch Masters and the chaos Bloody Gorers. These teams earned their one point on the second week in matches against each other. Shining Sins and Crunch Masters played 1 all draw with casualties 2-3 in favor of the orcs. Bloody Gorers and Fasta Stronga Betta also tied 1-1 with Gorers winning the casualties 2 to 1. Any opinions about these matches?
- ...why what lovely blood red eyes you have... what? no this is not working... don't bother me again gron... thrall! you shall cease our connection immediat...
- Baron? Ajatar?
- My master is not present anymore. I have been ordered to return to his domicile and I shall obey. Farewell.
- What? This don't work, I can't go on talking to myself all this time. Gall'p get in here!
- Why thank you mr. Grumbundy, I thought I was supposed to only give my analysis at the end.
- Shut up Gall'p. We'll listeners, here's our stats expert Gall'p Keines who'll be the commentator for the rest of the magicast. We'll Gall'p any opinions on these matches?
- Thank you mr. Grumbundy. After detailed analysis I must say that in the Sins versus Masters match the elfs were very unlucky with their KO recovery while the orcs were very very unlucky with their dodges.
- You're talking nonsense Gall'p, everybody knows that orcs don't dodge and elfs can be knocked out with a feather, there's nothing unlucky in those stats. What was surprising in this match was that the Shining Sins suffered no serious injuries and will have all of their players available for next match while the orcs will be missing two of their players. Crunch Master's thrower Morgzla fractured his arm in a dodge attempt while the orc blitzer Sorhor fractured his leg due to whopping block from the Sins's Fab... Faebll... catcher Tunuviel. All right Gall'p, give something more intelligent from the Gorers and FSB match.
- Well, there's nothing that stands out in this match. The Gorers might have had a bit better luck with their agility efforts but overall everything was quite normal, maybe a bit on the unlucky side for both teams.
- So what you're saying is that ogres are bloody stupid and chaos is just chaotic, everybody already knows that. Looks like I'll have to do the heavy lifting here. Just as the FSB's medical team had to do when they carried the ogre Gurunk Tootache off the field after he fractured his arm. He'll miss the Fasta Stronga Betta's next game, as will the snotling Lizardtooth but nobody probably cares about that one. Bloody Gorers were unharmed, just one badly hurt player. Onwards or downwards I should say in the table. At the bottom we have the norse Dragon Trainers. The team's decision to go into the season without an apothecary has bitten them in the tender areas. As we reported earlier, they lost one their linemen this week and they'll have to go into their next match freebooting two players. We'll at least they now have a team physician.
- Mr. Grumbundy, based on my stats analysis, the Dragon Trainers were extreeeemely unlucky in everything but blocking in their first match and their luck improved only slightly in their second match. So if the norse will get even one match with typical results, they'll probably do a lot better.
- Finally something useful. Trainers' next match will be against the BuzcaBass. I say, this should be a real blockfest. As mentioned, the dwarfs will also have to freeboot a replacement for their runner. Dragon Trainers might be able to attract a couple of Bloodweiser babes or maybe a female physician to assist them in a match as I've understood that babes are quite attracted to norse players uniforms or rather lack of them. Your opinion on this matchup Gall'p?
- Statistically the teams have an even chance in blocking but the dwarfs have the advantage of being quite thick-skulled so they should be able to keep on the field. The biggest advantage that the norse have is their Yhetee.
- You're getting better Gall'p. I agree, the big guys are usually the key players. Let's continue with the other top team. Orkitis B.C. will travel to Midget Stuntmen stadium. The orkish team looks fierce with their already quite experienced blockers. Midget Stuntmen may go to the game with one player short. We'll actually all of their players are short, HAHAHAA! What I meant, they currently only have ten players on their rosters but they would have enough cash for one lineman. But there are rumors that the dwarfs might not hire any new players but would rather rely on their good relationship with the nearby dwarfen school of metallurgy and wizardry to provide them with some fireball assistance.
- They might do that mr. Grumbundy, considering that most of the orkish players are still inexperienced while the dwarfs are masters of blocking.
- Wise words again Gall'p, please keep it up! The third match this week will be Crunch Masters against Space Cheese. Both teams are missing two players, so this promises to be quite interesting. The skavens will have serious strength disadvantage as the orcs will have all of their BOBs playing. What's your take on this match Gall'p?
- There won't be lots of skilled players involved with both teams having their experienced players out. Sputter the gutter runner should be able to go for heroics if he just manages to keep away from the orcs. And as there are only a handful of skilled players, luck or rather unluck with the block will decide a lot as there will be 1 to 3 chance of failing a block without any assists with most of players.
- That's nonsense! Don't start with those stats of yours Gall'p Blood Bowl is a game of skills not luck! It's the game of champions! Or of ogres and chaos as in the fourth match we'll take about where Disorganized Dudes travel to play the Fasta Stronga Betta. Dudes will probably hire a rookie beastman or go freebooting. As is the way with ogre teams, this match will probably have lots of turns and twists.
- Lack of block skill is a major factor also in this game mr. Grumbundy. Snotlings will also have it easy with no tacklers out there.
- Don't try to kid me. Snotlings will never have it easy in the Blood Bowl. They really have to keep an eye on both the opponents and their own ogres or they'll end up being used as stone substitutes. We'll let's take a look at the next match. That would be the Shining Sins versus Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. Both teams will have a full rosters of 11 players and Wolf-Whistlers have managed to get a second wight. Do you have anything relevant to say about this matchup Gall'p?
- Well mr. Grumbundy, the elfs have a disadvantage in physical play but their natural agility will give them a major advantage with the ball handling. Both teams should be able to score so lots will depend on injuries.
- Right. Onwards with a surprise. As the second week of NULL ended early the first match of the third week has already been played! The dark elf team Druchii Smuchii Schmoo won 2-1 against the Bloody Gorers. Casualties 2 all but Bloody Goorers lost their beastman Ragettaja due to a whopping block by Lou the Lizard Liquidator. DSS's Eviscareting Evilyn suffered an bad injury, there is no word yet if any biting or pre-game tomfoolery was involved. This result leaves DSS with 6 points and Bloody Gorers with 1 point after the third week. We'll be back next week to see where this will get these two teams standing wise. Now we're out of time so I'll have to bid you all farewell. Tune in next week with the recap all the other matches from week 3. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

[Barmution]

I'm really impressed by you keeping the quality of the write-ups on this level, J. Great stuff, once again!

Evilyn was clearly under the influence of something during the last match, going down like that to a Chaotic simpleton is rather preposterous for a well-trained young maiden of questionable purity - especially without even getting a single player off pitch! I'm holding the Baron, sorry, KISSYCHEEKS, personally responsible for this disaster. I think that he will find that Druchii sorcery by no means is to be trifled with if he keeps interfering with her personal exercise/recuperation regime. The Malign Hex of Malevolent Dental Detoriation, perfected by twisted dark elven warlock-odontologist Kharrius the Painwrangler, comes to mind... Consider this fair warning, Baron!

[J-Reedy]

Well Barm, I have to thank you for the inspiration for this and next week's running plot, so thank you for your comments!

It might just be that Baron has bitten off more than he can chew, stay tuned for next week ;)

[Barmution]

Thanks, J! I can't seem to find the time to write detailed match reports atm, so it's nice to be able to contribute something. Looking forward to next week's edition already!

Nice avatar, btw! Didn't notice the wolf-whistling theme until now  ;)

[J-Reedy]

WEEK 3 RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 4 SPECULATIONS

- WELCOME you mere mortals to the Baron Spotlight!
- Baron! This is Blood Sports Spotlight! Your favorite magicast about Norsca Union League and I'm your host Gron Grumbundy!
- I think we agreed on you being an assistant host Gron.
- And with me today Baron Puffly Kissycheeks...
- I think we also went through that one, Baron will do. Have your puny brains already forgotten everything?
- ...and a special surprise guest later!
- Really? I wasn't told about that one. Is it someone ...tasty?
- Oh, I think we'll have some tasty moments on today's podcast! But let us move on! Week 3 games of NUL have been played, so it is now the time to take a look at the results. We already told you about the early game between the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and Bloody Gorers last week. Now I would just want to confirm if you had anything to do with the injury of the DSS's Eviscareting Evilyn... Puffly?
- THAT'LL DO! YOU CALL ME BARON OF FACE MY WRATH!
- All right Baron, no need to be so dramatic about it. Nippy! Get Baron some warm red stuff from the cooler. Oh, and tell me as soon as our ...special... guest arrives. Sorry Baron, please have some wine as an apology. But as we mere mortals are really interested about you high and mighty types, could you please answer my question?
- Oh, that's from vintage Blood Valley grapes, very nice. Well Gron, about the dark elf maiden you queried about. You must realize that gentleman never tells how he swoops in to stadium just before the game, sweeps the lady off her feet, kisses her passionately until she goes all limp and pale ...due to passion of course... and I'm a gentleman so you won't catch me suck... kissing and telling.
- Interesting. Well, let us continue with the results. The other elf team in NUL, Shining Sins hosted Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. The necro team won the game with 2 touchdowns and 2 casualties versus 1 touchdown and no casualties from the Sins. Reports tell us that it was the knock down efficiency of the Wolf-Whistlers that helped them edge this tight game. Do you have any insight on this game Baron PS?
- It's no wonder that the Whistlers won, those two fleabags they have probably mistook those skinny elfs as bony ...snacks. You know that's one of the reasons why necro teams don't use skeletons as linemen Gron, they wouldn't survive even one team lunch.
- Interesting. Well from tall and skinny to short and stubby. There are two dwarf teams in NUL, Midget Stuntmen and BuzcaBass. Both of them played a 1-1 tie. Stuntmen against the Orkitis B.C. and BuzcaBass against the Dragon Trainers. Similar results but very different games, the one between the orcs and the dwarfs was a game tight defenses and few knock downs, both touchdowns were scored on final minutes of the halfs by the defending team. The norse match on the other hand saw dwarfs winning knock downs whoppingly 19 to 4. Any idea what happened here Baron?
- From what I hear, the crowd at the norse versus dwarfs game was really restless due to shortage of beer. There's a rumor flying around that the Trainers challenged the BuzcaBass team to beer chugging contest just before the match. So that might explain something. As to orcs and dwarfs, the former have a thick skin and the latter a thick skull, so it's no surprise they played it tight.
- Yes Baron, I believe the orcish Skullcrackers Institute listed challenging a dwarf to drinking contest as the second worst idea ever in their list of Not So Good Ideas. It just barely lost to refereeing a Blood Bowl match between hungry ogre and troll teams if you're a chicken whose just taken a bath in marinade, so that should tell you something. And speaking of ogres, let's move on to the game between chaos side Disorganized Dudes and the ogre team Fasta  Stronga Betta.  The result was a surprisingly large 3-0 victory for the ogres. To my understanding the result was likely due to butterfingered ball handling during the ball pick-ups.
- Do you know Gron that the biggest reason why halfling teams don't do well in Blood Bowl isn't their size but the fact that they're eating fatty food all the time and they don't wipe their fingers after snacking? Makes it ...challenging... to hold on to the ball. I suspect that the chaos team similarly forgot to wipe their fingers after their pre-game ritual. Blood really can be just as slippery as fat ...especially if they used halflings in the ritual.
- Other reason for the Dudes performance probably was that they lost two of their beastie boys to casualties and the pair will also miss the Dudes next game. FSB suffered 5 casualties but that is to be expected with snotlings. Well, there's only one week 3 game left to talk about, and that's the orkish Crunch Masters versus the skaven Space Cheese. Crunch Masters lived up to their name by scoring both of their 2 TDs near the crunch time at the ends of the halves. Cheese chasers just couldn't match the physical strength of the orcs who seemed to toss the rats around at their will.
- Well Gron, personally I don't believe the stories that the orcs would've buried some cheese under the field to distract the rats. But the Space Cheese may have suffered from some kind of curse. Nothing else can explain their ...unfortunate... blocking efforts.
- Well those were the results. After third week Orkitis B.C. and BuzcaBass lead the league with 7 points. Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and Gentlement Wolf-Whistlers are nipping on the lead duo's heels with 6 points. But nothing is yet decided, this is Blood Bowl we're talking about and there are plenty of games ahead.
- Mr. Gron, she's here!
- All righty! Just got a word from the trusty Nippy that our special guest will be arriving soon!
- Ahh, the delicious smelling coffee boy, there he is. I really must ...catch up him... someday and take him to ...lunch.
- Oh, I doubt you'll be doing that Kissycheeks. I might even put my ...stake... on it.
- WHAT! Didn't I already warn you, you insolent little man!
- Calm down now Puffy or you'll hurt yourself!
- THAT'S IT, NOW YOU'RE GOING....
- AND without further ado, let's bring out our special guest for tonight! She's none other than the famed amazon star player extra-ordinaire, the she-cat of the jungle, ZARA THE SLAYER!
- Zara the...
- Yes Puffy my friend, I took the liberty of inviting Zara and those lovely little stakes she carries around everywhere she goes, you know the ones, those blessed by the virgin priestesses of the Order of Ill Repute. She was very eager to agree to visit our humble little magicast when she heard that some bothersome vampiric pest had taken a nest here.
- There you are you vile abomination! You'll taste the wrath of my righteousness!
- Oh there you are Zara! Nice to have you here. You haven't met Baron Puffy Kissycheeks, have you?
- *POOFizzle* *POOFizzle* WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? KEEP THOSE STAKES AWAY FROM ME YOU HARLOT!
- Oh, Puffy, if you're wondering about the sudden ...difficulties... in your teleportation abilities, that might have something to do with the wine you just had. Got it from the coach of the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. He said that it was especially ...blessed... by higher ...or maybe in this case lower... forces that he's closely acquainted with. He also told me to tell you that nobody messes with his players without getting his dues.
- You, you... *POOFizzle* I'll... NO, NOT THE FACE!  AARGGHH!!
- They'll call you Buffy Tearycheeks when I'm through with you, you dirty bag of dust! Or my name isn't Zara the Slayer!
- I'd run if I was you Puffy Kissypissy. You must remember the famous game between the amazonian Fang Busters and vampiric Maiden Deflowerers where Zara single-handedly took down the front line of the Deflowerers with one blitz. I've never before seen her live, but I must admit she seems just as good as they say.
- I'll get you, mark my words Gron, I'l... AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh hhh hhh.....
- Well folks, looks like both of our guests had to leave sooner than expected, so I'll once again have to rely on the help of our numbers guy, Gall'p Keines to analyze the week 4 matches in NUL. Get in here Gall'p!
- Thank's mr. Grumbundy, you know that against vampires Zara normally has only a 0,333337 chance of...
- Yes, isn't she something! Really a star-player if I ever saw one! Well', let's take a look at the matchups! First up is the Midget Stuntmen versus Space Cheese. Tough, tough game for the skaven, wouldn't you say so Gall'p?
- You're right mr. Grumbundy, the tackling skills of the dwarfs takes away the natural dodge abilities of the skaven runners which gives the dwarfs a statistically quite high 50 per cent chance to...
- Just say yes, no need to bring your numbers into this. Well, as I see it, Space Cheese will have to rely on their speed once again if they are to survive, while the Stuntmen really should want to make the game as physical as possible. The second game listed is the one with the top team Orkitis B.C. hosting Fasta Stronga Betta. FSB really is the only team in the league that can boast to have a strength advantage over the orcs and they also have roster almost stock full of expenda... snotlings I mean. Should be an interesting game, like the matchups with ogre teams tend to be!
- Yes mr. Grumbundy, one of the reasons is probably that on average the ogres get sidetracked on every sixth physical activity they perform and....
- So you're saying they're stupid as doornails. You're getting better Gall'p! Onwards! The other orc team Crunch Masters will also play home, they'll get a visit from the wolf-whistling necro team. One of the toughest games to predict, this will probably be a physical game with little bravado. This should be an old-fashioned good and honest elbow to the ribs and stomp on the foot game of Blood Bowl!
- Actually the orcs are quite balanc...
- Balanced act of green and mean is probably the expression you're looking for! Yes I know. Let's move on fast, we're running out of time. Fourth matchup is the Disorganised Dudes versus BuscaBazz. As mentioned, the chaos side will be missing two beastmen and facing a horde of block and beer loving bastards. Lot will depend on the chaos warriors keeping the short ones occupied.
- Yes, the dwarfs need three men versus one warrior to increase their chance of success from the 33 per cent...
- So you're saying they'll probably gang up on the strength guys of the chaos? You really should learn to phrase yourself better Gall'p. Well, the final two remaining matches are the Shining Sins versus Bloody Gorers and Dragon Trainers versus Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. Or a skill team versus a physical team and two block-heavy teams fighting a war of attrition. Should be interesting ones but unfortunately we don't have time for a more detailed analysis right now, as we're running out of time. We'll be with you next week to recap all the games! I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you spectacularly pleasant Blood Bowling experiences! Have a week!

[Barmution]

A fitting end to the Baron  ;D Entertaining as always, J!

[J-Reedy]

WEEK 4 RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 5 SPECULATIONS

- WELCOME YA ALL to the FINAL magicast of Blood Sports Spotlight... FINAL magicast of this year! Had you there didn't I - Gron Grumbundy that is me! Time for us to take a look at the week 4 results from NUL and cast a glimpse into the new year and week 5 games! With me to help is a spectacular - and probably even a bit safer - guest than our previous... OOOFFFF!!!
- Who'ya calling safe you big ugly! I'm the most dangerous player ever to take the field in a game of Blood Bowl, don't you forget that!
- That was low blow... OOOFFF!!
- Are'ya calling me short! I'm not short, you're just too big! Don't go disrespecting me or I'll hit even lower next time! And yo coffee boy, bring me something to eat! Those two snack baskets are already empty.
- All right folks, some of you might've already guess that we have with us today the former all star player of halfling team Delicious Hungries, the only player ever able to score a touchdown, inflict a casualty and eat a food basket bigger than himself within a one minute from the start of the game, the running refrigerator himself - Hildirgim Tall-Shortwick!
- Just call me Tall, that's the part of the name I earned!
- Yes... I recall hearing some tales how you had to beat down a dozen of your team-mates before they agreed to start calling you that... Didn't that happen during a blood bowl game?
- Yep, we were playing the short elfs...
- You mean the high elf team Highly Mighty?
- Yep, short elfs just as I said. They started calling me shorty after they heard my team-mates calling me Shortwick so I beat the first eleven of them out from the field and then told my team-mates to start calling me Tall or I'd pummel them also... This is a tasty sandwich, bring me some more coffee boy, two dozen should do... They only agreed after I'd also beaten all of them out from the field.
- Yes, I remember my fellow analyst Brick Mancandy telling that he has never seen anyone wielding a chicken drumstick with such an efficiency! Well, lets' get down to business Tall. The week 4 of the Norsca Union League has been played and that means that the first third of games are already behind us. Week 4 opened with the game between the elven Shining Sins and the Bloody Gorers of chaotic kind. This time chaos won over order with the Gorers beating the Sins 1 to 0 in touchdowns. Casualties were split one all and both teams' casualties will miss their team's next game. ĩdhar Gawsumé of the Sins due to fractured skull and Khorne is my Kho-pilot due to smashed ankle. Shining Sins dominated the passing game but unfortunately for them the Gorers were equally dominating in the knock-down game. What's your expert opinion on this match Tall?
- The elfs are just too tall. You have to be tall like me to play the game, I'm the ideal height, the elfs are just too tall. They can't stop themselves from falling down. Of course the beastmen are also too tall and horny. So it's natural that the team with players closer to the ideal height won.
- Interesting hypothesis Tall. But how does our next game fit into your scheme then? That would be the game where the norse Dragon Trainers hosted the dark elven Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. The "too-tall" elven folk won the game 0 to 1.
- Yes but the norse won the casualties 2 to 0. The elfs are easier to down, just as I said. And the norse teams have a wrong kind of diet. You should eat one bottle of wine or one small keg of beer for every two full picnic baskets you eat. ...That reminds me, bring me two more bottles of this good stuff coffee boy!... The norse players usually drink two full kegs of beer to every one salted pig, the balance is all wrong. You can't go playing Blood Bowl with your belly and head swaying. You need to have your belly firm and cushioned.
- All right Tall, I'll believe your tall tale. Let's move onto the third match played. That was the thriller where the necro Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers edged out a 1-0 win against the orcish Crunch Masters. Both teams scored one casualty which were not of serious kind. How does your theory hold up here Tall?
- This proves it! Those were-wolfs know that they are too tall, so play all hunched on all four to be on the ideal height! Of course they won! I'll bet my next lunch that it was a were that scored the touchdown!
- You're right there Tall, it was Geri the...
- I WON THE LUNCH! Coffee boy, bring me my lunch!
- OK Nippy, bring him one of those gift baskets we got from all those anti-vamp associations after the last show. And on with the show. Next game we'll talk about is the affair between the orkish Orkitis B.C. and the ogre Fasta Stronga Betta. This was a really whoosy of a game even though the result was a 1 all tie. The ogres took over the physical game and won the casualties 6 to 2! One of those casualties resulted in Orkitis' backup thrower Morkzla damaging his back so badly that he'll have to miss the team's next game. The FSB lost one snottling, Grotty Fungi something I believe his name was but that is expected and shouldn't slow them down. What's your take Tall?
- This is good chicken! Bring me some more! And maybe some of that groggy fungus you talked about, I like mushrooms soaked in alcohol.
- ... Yes. Right. Let's see, what do we have left. Oh yeas, the game where the league leading dwarven team BuzcaBass earned a 1 to 0 victory over the chaos team Disorganized Dudes. Casualties 2-0 also for the BuzcaBass. Looks like a tight game where the dwarfs managed to hold on to the ball and stay on their a bit better than the chaos folk. Tall?
- Now we're talking about some players with a potential! Dwarfs are just about the right height for the Blood Bowl, maybe a bit too tall but close enough! Don't this NUL thing have two dwarf teams? I bet you lunch basket that the other dwarf team won also!
- You're right Ta...
- I WON! Bring me the basket Nippy chap!
- Yep, the Midget Stuntmen were leading 2-0 and were declared winners after the stadium floor collapsed under the feet of the skaven Space Cheese. There are rumors flying around that the dwarf fans had tried the old trick of burying cheese under the skaven team's dugout to distract the rat folk and that the tunneling had went a bit overboard. But those are just rumors and the fact is that the Stuntmen won also the casualties 1 to 0 and that the skaven linerat Will will miss the next Space Cheese game. That's all the games from week 4 folks! Let's take a quick look at the standings then. At the top there are 5 teams within two points of each other: BuzcaBass in the lead with 10 points, Wolf-Whistlers and DSS chasing the dwarfs with 9 points and Orkitis B.C. and Midget Stuntmen with 8 points. The middle of the table is also packed with 5 teams within a reasonable striking distance: FSB has 5 points, the three 4 point teams are green and chaotic - that is Crunch Masters, Disorganized Dudes and Bloody Gorers - and Space Cheese is sitting on 3 points. Shining Sins and Dragon Trainers both have 1 point so they really need to start winning some games soon. But everybody should remember that every team will still be playing for 21 points rest of the season so nothing is decided yet.
- That was lovely lunch. When does the after-lunch start?
- You're right Tall, I guess it's time for us to move onto next week! Let's start with the match that could shake the top of the table a bit. It is of course the match between the 1st and 3rd place, BuzcaBass hosting the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. Dwarfs currently have only 10 players on their roster but they have more than enough money for some new players so they could go into the match with full strength. DSS is sure to have 11 players so there won't be any advantage due to number of players for both teams. DSS's Eviscarating Evilyn has proved that she can score, she already has 3 touchdowns. BuzcaBass players have split their touchdowns quite evenly but on the casualty inflicting side they have one dominating player, their troll slayer Anchalagon has already taken 3 opposing players out of the game. So what I'm getting at is that this will be test of scoring power versus hitting power - with both teams having proven success on both fronts. What's your opinion on the outcome of this match Tall?
- Dwarfs are closer to right height. They win. More apples here Nippy boy!
- Sticking to your theory I see. Well, let us continue with the player caliber close to your liking. The Midget Stuntmen will host Bloody Gorers. As mentioned, Gorers are missing one of their beastie boys while all the stuntmen are ready for their crash tests. And that's what this game will probably be. I'll say that the team that can inflict the most knock-downs and withstand the ones inflicted upon them takes the game. Tall?
- More wine! More chicken! Bring me another basket boy!
- ...All right Gall'p get in here! Looks like "Tall" is out...
- Dont'cha be putting any funny squiggly signs around my name you big ugly! I'll wollop you just as soon as I get up. *Grunt* *Aaaghh* Damn, my belly is stuck. Bring me more food Nippy boy! I'll have to try break the table with me tummy!
- ...out of commission. All right folks, our resident stats expert Gall'p Keines will be giving his opinion on the games from now on. What are your thoughts about this game Gall'p?
- Thanks mr. Grumbundy! Well, the dwarfs have the 17 percent edge in the chances of knocking down their opponents in most cases. And their guarding skills have also improved so...
- One wise word in that nonsense Gall'p, the dwarfs sure will guard the heck out of their ball carrier but you should also remember that not even a teenage boy in a women's lingerie shop is as horny as the chaos beastmen so the chaos will surely have at least a blitzer's chance. All right, the third game on my list is Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers first home game where they'll host the Dragon Trainers. Trainers are missing one player and I'm not sure if they'll hire a new loud-mouthed beer-guzzling lineman or if they'll save up for some positional players. The necro team is still lacking in skills so the norse should have an advantage in blocking. Am I right Gall'p?
- Yes sir mr. Grumbundy! It's the same 17 percent edge as with the dwarfs but what you should consider is that the norse players are just as fragile as amazons or even skavens with a 41,666667 percent chance of injury when knocked...
- Why did you have to ruin a perfectly good analysis with that inane number of your Gall'p, you actually made sense until you started talking about Percy the Ent again. Don't you realize that he retired from the game when they closed up the halfling stadium where he was rooted to? HA-HA! Just kidding Gall'p, I do know that you were talking about the mathematical percyents!
- Ents? Do you have any Ent brew Nippy boy? Bring me some! My cousin Merri told me it's good for us tall folks! And some sandwiches also, I think the table will give out soon.
- On with the analysis! Next match is really a game of opposites. Fasta Stronga and Betta get a visit from Shining Sins so it'll be brute force against agile dodging! The elfs will probably enjoy having someone more fragile than them to beat on, that is if they have time and chance from all the dodging they should be doing to get away from the ogres! Nobody can ever predict how a game with an ogre team will go but I'm sure we'll see a lot of throwing in this matchup - it's just that the other team will be tossing the ball and the another one probably their own players. Give us some your opinion Gall'p!
- Well as you said mr. Grumbundy, the Ogres have the ever present 17 percent chance of failing...
- I already told you last time Gall'p, the right term is dumb as doornails.
- Thank you for correcting mr. Grumbundy, they have the ever present 17 percent chance of being dumb as doornails.
- So the game will be decided if the elfs remember to bring a hammer with them! HA-HA! I slay myself. All-righty, what's next. Yes, the double c game that is Cheese and Chaos - Space Cheese versus Disorganized Dudes. Or the match of the mutated as some might call this one. Anyways, hopefully the skaven folk will find a solution to their troubles with their home stadium and we'll see good old dodge-fest that the skaven games tend to be. The formula for this game really should be simple, little rats dodge away while the big rats try to hold their own against the beastie boys with the biggest rat of them all trying to tie as many chaos players down with his tail as he can. Any wise words on this Gall'p?
- Percentage wise the advantage for chaos should be 1...
- I should've known you're out of wise, well, let me know if you think of anything clever. One more game to go and that really promises to be a slug-fest extreme! Green versus green and black against black! It's the all-orc-affair Orkitis B.C. versus Crunch Masters! Should be a really exciting game. As I told you earlier Orkitis's thrower Morkzla will sit this one out but the Orkitis still have a full team of 11 players on their roster. Crunch Masters have 12 players but only three BOBs against the Orkitis four. But wait! the Crunch Masters' black ork Grubak Break'Teef has been hitting the gym extra-hard lately and they say he has actually grown some new muscles nobody's ever heard of! So the even BOBs of the Orkitis have to rely on their team-mates help to get even an even chance against this big brute!
- You right mr. G...
- Don't interrupt me Gall'p! I'm on a roll, in the zone, the words will flow! Yes siree! This promises to be feast for all of you who've tired of the sissy passing games, fearful dodging and aimless running! This is the game where you should see bold bashing, gleeful blocking and well-aimed blitzing! Fists striking noses, kicks broking bones, elbows tickling rib cages and even teeth tearing on earlobes! This is what Blood Bowl should be about! Big brutes standing tall and hitting each other until one goes down!
- They're too tall. *BUUUUUURPP* Excuse me. Another pint Nippy! And a basket too! The table will give out soon, I can already hear rumbling... Oh wait, that's me stomach. Seems I haven't fed it enough. I've probably talked too much, it's just that me tummy thinks that every time I open my mouth there is something coming down my throat so this magicast thingy with all this talking really doesn't agree with my belly. But you do have good food so I don't mind coming again.
- .... And there goes my flow... Unfortunately I have to tell you Tall that our kitchen seems to be running out of supplies for some curious reason. And we're running out time folks! But fear not! We'll be back in about a  week with the recap all the games from week 5. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

[J-Reedy]

MIDDLE WEEKS RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 8 SPECULATIONS

- WELCOME to the spectacular magicast of Blood Sports Spotlight - the place to get your fix of the Norsca Union League or NUL as we like to call this fine league. I'm your host Gron Grumbundy! First of all I have to apologize from all of our listeners for our absence in the past two weeks. We had some technical difficulties with our front door, namely the door being  blocked by oversized halfling that shall go unnamed. This halfling's stomach got stuck when he tried to leave our offices. We did try removing mr. Tall... the unnamed halfling from the door frame by oiling him with butter but he ate all the butter and got stuck even worse. We only got him removed last week and would've had time for the magicast but then we noticed that our studio was haunted by some mischievous spirit. The exorcist we called in to take care of the problem deducted that it must've been some vampiric spirit. Who knows where that came from. But anyways now were back and boy do we have a lot to discuss! Two full weeks, weeks 5 and 6, and all but two games from the week 7 have been played! To hasten the discussion we have no special guests but we do have the most special commentator of them all, here's NIPPY!
- erm... Hi all..
- All right Nippy, don't go talking yourself to death. Now, as we have lots of games to review, we won't go by the weeks but instead we'll take a look at the current standings and work ourselves from the bottom to the top. So we start with the elf team Shining Sins that has had a hard time in this bash-heavy league and have scored two ties and five defeats which leaves them at 2 points. All of the team's matches have been close, only the ogre team Fasta Stronga Betta managed to upend the Sins 2 to 0 in the 5th week, largely due to ogres taking out four elves in casualties and knocking out three more. On 6th week Sins scored a 1 all draw at the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo stadium in an affair that had a whopping 8 casualties. And looking at the week 7 results, it seems that casualties are really what is keeping the Shining Sins from winning, they suffered 4 casualties against the dwarfen BuzcaBass in a nail-biting 1-2 loss. But looking at the team's current roster, I have to say that their players have developed nicely, especially their catcher duo. Kailduil Aldavathar who could probably even a beat a dwarf in running contest where the top prize is a year's worth of beer and a deed to a gold mine. Some of Sins' linemen have also developed into fine guards that should help them overcome their lack of players with beyond average strength. And looking at the schedule, during the next two weeks Sins will play opponents with as thin armor as they have, as they'll meet the skaven team and the norse team, so they have a chance to inflict as much casualties as they suffer. Any word on the Sins Nippy, what do your parents think about them?
- erm... Dad says that elves are buggering hard to catch but when you do, they brake more easily than a whore's chastity belt. Nothing else really, they haven't talked about them a much after mom once said that she wouldn't mind spending some time with one of those tall and strong looking blitzers that the Sins have and dad got angry and then mom finally had to take her rolling pin and...
- Yes, I think that's a decent analysis of the Shining Sins. The 11th place in the league is occupied by the skaven team Space Cheese. They have 3 points from one victorious game but they haven't yet played their week 7 game against the Orkitis B.C. The cheeseheads week 5 match was a 1-2 loss to Disorganized Dudes and on week 6 they were slaughtered 1-0 by the FSB. Five casualties and 6 KO's against the skavens and it looks like 3 of the casualties are missing the team's week 7 game against the Orkitis so the game could prove a hard one. On a positive note, the Space Cheese's stormvermin Khizz has a potential to become one of the most violent players in the league and their two-headed gutter runner Sputter could probably dodge away even from taxman's grip. Looking at schedule, the Cheese will have a breather from bashy teams after their Orkitis match when they go against the Shining Sins. Lots of honor in play in that matchup. The week 8 game however may prove a tough one as their opponent will be Gentlement Wolf-Whistlers who are not actually known as a finesse team. But the skavens are a tough team to beat, as they have proved by taking their one victory from the team that actually holds the top spot of league, more of that team later. Nippy, your take on the skavens?
- Mmm... I think they're fast and they must like cheese. Maybe their coach should place some edam or blue cheese to opponent's goal line?
- That has been tried Nippy, the most famous case was the Cheeseheads game where all of skaven players ran right through the opponents lines in less than five seconds when the ball was still up in the air. The opposing players just walked to where the ball landed and walked leisurely to the goal. Back to NUL! The 9th and 10th place teams both have six points with identical records of 1 victory and 3 draws. These two teams played against each other in week 7 and it was the norse team Dragon Trainers that got their first win against the chaos Bloody Gorers with 2 tds against 1. Dragon Trainers are however ranked 10th based on touchdown differential. Before the week 7 matchup Dragon Trainers had scored two tie games, in week 5 they played 1 all game against the Wolf-Whistlers and in week 6 a scoreless match against the dwarfish Midget Stuntmen. It really looks like the grim reaper has taken a liking to this norse team. There have been 4 deaths in the Trainers' 7 games. And unfortunately for the Trainers, 3 of those deaths have been norse casualties. This naturally shows in the Trainers' roster, they currently have only 9 players and to top it off their runner Hiccup Horrendous has lost some of his natural strength. And of course it is strength that the Dragon Trainers would need in their week 8 matchup against the Fasta Stronga Betta. It has been a really difficult season for the norse. And so it has been for the chaos team Bloody Gorers. They've had lot of close games, three 1-1 draws against Disorganized Dudes, Midget Stuntmen and FSB and two close 2-1 losses. Their roster has however stayed quite intact but they will be missing their newly acquired minotaur I.C. Red from their week 8 game against BuzcaBass. Problem with the Gorers seems to be that they really don't yet have any star players. But the chaos warrior Not a ketchup fancier and beastie boy the Sacred Scorer could become the team's back-bone if they manage to develop some useful new skills soon. Any thoughts on these two teams Nippy?
- Mom says all norse are booze-hounds and that if chaos teams wanted to see real chaos, they should came and see my room.
- Really down to earth comments there Nippy! We shall continue with chaos, namely the chaos team Disorganized Dudes. 2 wins and 2 draws gives them 8 points and 8th place. The Dudes have had an "all of everything season" meaning that they've had almost equal amounts of wins, draws and losses. This is proven by their last three games where they first beat Space Cheese 2 to 1, then got a 1 all tie against Bloody Gorers and then finally this week 8 they lost 2 to 1 to Wolf-Whistlers. Death has visited the Dudes two times, taking two beastmen with him. Currently the Dudes have 10 player roster but they have enough money to summon a new beastman into their ranks if they deem it necessary. Their most promising player is the beastman Thishnogors. He is fast and he even has a pair of extra arms to help with the ball handling. Their schedule takes them to a road tour for the next two weeks, first they'll visit Orkitis B.C. and then Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. So first some green and then some dark bashing. Anything to add Nippy?
- erm... Not really...
- What an insight Nippy! Upwards! 7th place in the standings belongs to a dwarf team named Midget Stuntmen. Two wins and whopping 4 ties gives the stunty little men 10 points. Before this week they were the only undefeated team. Weeks 5 and 6 saw them in two tied games, 1 all against the Dudes and 0 all against the Dragon Trainers. This week they had their first loss, 2-0 against DSS. So it can be said this is a team that is tough to beat. And that really sums up the dwarfs, you can get them down but only you rarely you can beat them down. All of the Stuntmen players have attributed to the team's success but their real star player has been their runner Alglid who has scored 6 touchdowns! The Stuntmen also got a new toy last week, a brand new Deathroller. I hear it is this year's model with twin spikes! It should give some concerns to Stuntmen's next opponents, Crunch Masters and FSB. Boy, those Deathrollers really are something, don't you agree Nippy?
- Dad says that they're really not so useful, he says that you can stop one of them just by stuffing a snotling or a goblin into the gears.
- Oh, the old blood-slip the gears routine, yes that has worked previously but I hear that these new models have a special valve that separates blood from the gore and keeps the gears and the D'roller rolling. Well, enough of this technical stuff. 11 points, that is what it takes to get to 5th and 6th spot in the NUL. And both of teams that have managed to score this amount of points are green. 6th place team is the Crunch Masters. 3 wins and 2 draws. Crunch have played it strong against the other top teams, scoring wins against Orkitis and BuzcaBass in weeks 5 and 6 and drawing 1 all this week against the FSB. Their roster is starting to look really strong, especially when one looks at the black ock Grubak Break'teef muscles that have grown quite a bit from the start of the season. They will be missing lineorc Grafang from their next game where they host Midget Stuntmen. Continuing with the orcs, the currently 5th place Orkitis B.C still hasn't played their week 7 match against the Space Cheese. With a win Orkitis could take themselves to 2nd place so the orcs will probably give this match all they got. And what they have is a fearsome quartet of blitzers. Orkitis blitzers will keep a guard on you, tackle you down, then hit you mighty hard and if that doesn't knock you out, one of them will pile on you. In week 6 they defeated the Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers and but week 5 saw them losing to their fellow orc team Crunch Masters. After the skaven match the Orkitis will host Disorganised Dudes and then they travel to BuzcaBass stadium. Nippy, do you know any orkish?
- Well, once an orc tried to rob us on an alley. But my mommy had her rolling pin with her so he didn't do well. The orc kept yelling Kagh! Dae'mon! Kagh! when he ran away. Don't know what it means.
- You're painting quite an interesting picture of your mother Nippy. Your dad must be a brave fellow. And so should be everyone who would dare to try take the 4th place of NUL away from the team holding the spot. The team in question is Fasta Stronga Betta. This team has not lost after week 1. Their last three matches were two wins against Shining Sins and Space Cheese and a tie against Crunch Masters this week. FSB has managed to keep their snotlings surprisingly intact, they've lost only two of them, and naturally the ogres of the team are untouched. Kurmak the Numa Um and Toerag Crusher are the emerging star players but all of the ogres are beginning to look fierce! Well, I guess Gurunk Toothache may get some hazing from his team-mates, as he hasn't developed any visible skills. Next two weeks will keep the ogres at their home stadium, first they'll get a visit from Dragon Trainers - interesting to see if any of the norse make it back to north - and then from the Midget Stuntmen. So FSB will get a firsthand experience of both the thinnest and the heavies armors in the league. Have you ever seen an ogre at close Nippy, they're quite big I must say?
- Dad says that mom is an ogre but she's not big. But he also calls her his pussycake butterfly sometimes, so I really don't know.
- ...Ahem... Speechless... Well, let's move on... Three teams left. Two of those teams have 13 points from 4 wins and 2 draws. These teams in 2nd and 3rd place have also already played against each other in week 2. This match saw the dwarfen BuzcaBass beat the necromantic Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers 1 to 0 but currently the team at the 2nd place is the Wolf-Whistlers and 3rd place belongs to BuzcaBass. BuzcaBass has an extremely strong roster which also includes the arguably best player of the league, the runner Harquas who has developed into a fine leader. He really stands out from the other dwarf players who based on their skills are all former members of some royal guard. Last weeks have been hard for the BuzcaBass, first in week 5 they lost 2-0 to Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and then 1-2 to Crunch Masters. This week they however got back to winning track as they snatched away a 1-2 victory from Shining Sins. Two home games ahead for the dwarfs, Bloody Gorers and Orkitis B.C. will be paying them a visit. The 2nd place team Wolf-Whistlers will also be playing home next two weeks, first against DSS and then against Space Cheese. W-W has rainbow results from their last three games, a draw from Dragon Trainers, a loss from Orkitis B.C and win from Disorganized Dudes. Wolf-Whistlers' roster has not seen much of change as it is really hard to kill someone who is already dead. The development of players have been quite slow but the duo of werewolves has kept the team in track and in recent games even some of the zombies has managed to show some new skills. All right Nippy, any thoughts before we take it to the top?
- erm... ahhh... Maybe the dwarfs want to be so high in the standings because they are so short? And maybe the undead want to get as high as possible once they've digged themselves up?
- That's probably the most wise or the most dumbest thing you've ever said Nippy. Nicely done. Well, there's one team that we haven't talked about but that has been mentioned quite a few times as the team taking points away from those teams we've already discussed. 5 wins, 1 tie and only 1 loss gives this dark elf team 16 points and a 3 point lead in the standings. The team we're talking about is of course Druchii Smuchii Scmoo or DSS. Only team who has managed to win against these darkie elves is Space Cheese and the team that managed to draw them is Shining Sins who did it two weeks ago in week 6. In weeks 5 and 7 DSS played against both dwarf teams winning 2-0 both times. Schmoozers haven't got their wins easily. Although they haven't suffered any deaths they have had their share of injuries, line-elf Niles the Nun Nailsman smashed his hip early in the season and hasn't been same since and just last week the DSS had to let one of their blitzers go due to a serious injury. The star player of the team is their witch elf Eviscerating Evelyn, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who knows anything about dark elves. The other darkies have developed surprisingly little but those who have managed to acquire some special skills are now really hard to knock down. This looks like the team to beat and the first team that will try to do it is the 2nd place Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers in the week 8 matchup. What do you think Nippy, who will take this game home?
- ...I thought the Wolf-Whistlers were the home team? But I think the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo will win because that witch elf of theirs is witchingly beautiful.
- Just as beautiful as the game that they play in the NUL! This is a nice spot to finish our magicast. We'll be back, hopefully next week, to recap the games that have been played and take a look into the future! I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

[Mr B]

Nice!!
As always, thanks j-ready!

/B

[The Golden Arrow]

Yeah very nice... And I agree, come take our fourth place, if you dare :P

[Barmution]

Great writeup, J!

Before the season I was worried that there might be a bit too many bashy teams for a DElf team to survive, but the two teams that have outcas'ed me has actually been Space Cheese and Shining Sins for some reason. If this trend keeps up, I'm going to flatten your Ogres, Golden Arrow :P (Odds are it's going to be the other way around, tho...)

It's quite a thight run in the lead and I've got some quite capable teams ahead of me, so this season really won't be over until the fat ogre belches. Good luck to all of you!

[Luiggi]

Great writeup, J!

Before the season I was worried that there might be a bit too many bashy teams for a DElf team to survive, but the two teams that have outcas'ed me has actually been Space Cheese and Shining Sins for some reason. If this trend keeps up, I'm going to flatten your Ogres, Golden Arrow :P (Odds are it's going to be the other way around, tho...)

As long as you don't have AV 9, you shouldn't worry about ogres. It seems to me that they hit harder on orcs for some reason (scored 6 cas vs me and 4 cas vs the other orc team, if I remember correctly).

Anyway, nice Spotlight, looking forward to more of this good stuff :)