Match Reports, Banter and General Trash Talk

[J-Reedy]

Elvish Blues Brothers proudly present their lates hit single:

VINTERLEGIONEN BLUES

When you have these blues
And there's some norse, oh boy, you're 'bout to lose
But still you gotta try to keep away from the noose.

I say, all game every way, rain kept the sun down
And my high'n'mighty elfs kept on getting blocked down
And my high'n'mighty elfs kept on getting knocked down
And my blues blooded elfs kept on going out and down.

I rolled 'n fumbled, I skulled whole game long
Yes I rolled 'n fumbled, I made ones whole game long
I got up this morning, feeling that something was going wrong

Man my catcher baby, great god he's mighty and tall
You know my catcher baby, great god my baby he's tall
But they fouled my baby and he weren't no more tall
And they fouled my baby and he went hurt from the fall
But I'm still crazy 'bout him, that hard hit catcher of mine

Got so disgusted
When I tried and passed
Little by little
My passes dropped so I could see
Bit by bit
My passes kept slipping away from me

Sweet little game, got burned down, ain't that bad
Yeah you know I had a sweet little plan, it got burned down, ain't that bad
Whoa you know you can't spend what you ain't got,
You can't lose some little win you ain't never had.

Had ball in the hand, I got busted, ain't that just bad
Had pass in the mind, I got busted, ain't that just bad
You can't spend what you ain't got,
Uou can't lose some little win you ain't never had

Ain't that the truth boys.

_____________________
Coaches comments: Gnaarkills Vinterlegionen beat my EBB's 2-0 with sime mighty fine gaming. The game started with a rain and it kept on raining all of the game. I almost managed to stop the norse from scoring in the first half and managed even to take the ball away while being 2 helfs down but then a Norse Werewolf made a spectacular interception and after some struggle the Werewolf even managed to score at the end of first half. I started the second half 3 helfs down as Gnaarkill had managed to foul out my catcher and KO two helfs. Crowd tried to help me by badly hurting one of the linenorse with a rock at kick-off but then my helfs decided to picking up a wet ball and actually throwing it wasn't worthy enough for them. There was also some poor helf dodging and when couple helfs got KO'd in rapid succession, the game was practically over. Every helf who made it to Vinterlegionen half of the field went down and soon I was swarmed by the norse. Ball came out finally and Gnaarkill had no trouble scoring although I managed to take the ball away once. But looking at the bright side, I didn't go home totally empty-handed as I finished the game with 1 SPP from passing! Great game from Gnaarkill. Thanks again for not killing any of my helfs :)

[Mr B]

I keep on digging!
Nice work, brothers!

[Gnaarkill]

Im honored to have a musical masterpiece named after my mighty norse team :)

Again J-reedy, very entertaining reading!

Thank you for a good match!

[Luiggi]

3-0 for Barmution again... apparently I didn't get a break this time either, with bad rolls (except for that pass from a BOB just to "farm" an spp, lol) and breaking the same armor as my av8 opponent (30% to 29%... with 2 mighty blowers). 3 to 3 in KO's and an injured witch elf (which came very early in the game) completed the physical stats for the game.

First half should have ended 0-0 on my defence but I took some unnecessary risks and DSS scored twice with some flawless d6 rolling and no luck from my blocks. Second half was more of the same, with me having to risk a somewhat crazy play if I wanted to try and miraculously equalize. It that went all right until my blitzer had to dodge on 3+ with a reroll... and failed. He scored again easily and my final drive ended with a failed catch from a blitzer in scoring position (with 2gfi).

In all, a very frustrating game for me and I presume a quite boring one for him (though it's less boring when you're the one facerolling the other team, I think any BB player's been in both sides of the fence and would agree with that :D). I'm looking forward to playing another match, hopefully with more balance in the dice department (even if I lose again, which would probably happen... damn elves :D).

[Barmution]

Yeah, the DSS continue their lucky streak against the bashy teams, presumably only to lose a couple of positionals against High Elves or Norse next week. Looking at the stats (number of individual dice rolls) in BBManager shows that Luiggi was quite a bit lower than statistical expectation on 2D6 while I was higher, our D6 was pretty even but as we all know Elves tend to do well with average D6. Looking at the block dice we can see that Luiggi actually was VERY lucky, but as he demonstrated repeatedly, that doesn't help much when your 2D6 don't want to cooperate.

Thanks for the game, L. You demonstrated your level of play at the sidelines in the first half and I'll have to say that I'm impressed with your positioning, so you have my commiserations for those pesky D6 of yours (although no-one want to be on the recieving end when it goes the other way). I predict you'll have a good time smashing Norse, as they can't dodge away so easily and basically fight naked. :P

-Barm

[J-Reedy]

Here's the brand new single from those handsome sons of lords and ladies, the blues-blooded brothers:

BLUES OF THE SMOOCHING DRUCHII

Hey folks here's the story 'bout Druchi Schmoochers
Those pretty low-down dwelling darkie koochers
Them was the roughest toughest gang
And them played us with a style'n'bang

And it kept on raining
And it rained on raining
And the rain kept on raining
All day long it was raining and whailing

We messed around with blokes so darky
'Cause we love this the game so corky
We the ones so high and mighty
'till they came and took us down
Oh' we were so high and mighty
'till they came and took us down

Dodgy dodgy dodgy go
Whammaloo!
Keep on going going going
Whammaloo!
Blocky blitzy play try to make
Whammaloo!
No point trying that 'gainst the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo

Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo
Whamma banga blitz aloo
Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo

So they gave us the ball
But then they took it way
So they took us to a brawl
And then they made us pay

Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo
Whamma banga blitz aloo
Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo

Poor helfie, poor high'n mighty elfie
You keep on getting knocked down
On the field so wet and brown
Poor helfie, poor hign'n mighty elfie
You keep on getting knocked out
On the field so lacking of drought

They gave us a trashin' and flexed their forces
Each play they gave us a dozen courses
Had a million dollars worth of plans and rimes
They got around and bent them a million times

Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo
Whamma banga blitz aloo
Druuchii druuchii druuchi schmoo

----------------------
Coachy comments: Not much to tell about the 4-0 trashing my Elvish Blues Bloods just got from the Barmution's Druchii Smuchii Schmoos. Just a too tough an opponent for my rookie team and as I got no help from the dice, the game was decided just as soon as the first half ended. I went permanently undermanned on the 4th turn or so and Barm's two guards kept my blocking to minimum and gave him excellent opportunities to blitz the ball away. And it rained all of the game, just like in my last game.

[J-Reedy]

SUFFERING FROM DROUGHT?

YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED - LOOK NO FURTHER!

If your fields are suffering from draught and the last time you had rain was many fortnights ago, do not be worried. There is a simple solution to your problems! Just book the Elvish Blues Bloods to perform on your field and you're sure to get rain as long as the lads of the EBB stay on your field. And it's none of that sissy trinkling rain that you sometimes get, we're talking about good sized drops of water that soak into the field and make everything slippery and dippery. So call now and book Elvish Blues Bloods if you want rain!  EBB - a 100 % success rate with rain!*

"Our field was all cracked up and dry from the harsh winter and the long-lasting spring drought. But then the EBB came to play and it was like the flood-gates of heaven opened! The rain started as soon as they stepped on the field and it kept on raining for all of the game! Never before have we had such an even and ample rain this far north. I recommend them highly!", Graz Svenly, groundskeeper of the Vinterlegionen stadium.**

*Historical performance. No guarantees about future performance.
**Embellished quote. Actual quote was "Them grounds werr all crackedy and dry as me wife's nooshy from tha' winter and from that buggering sun tha' kept on shining all sping like. But tha' was 'fore those bastard so called high 'n mity elf folks came to play. Then 'twas like Tor had downed a keg of tha finest ale n' then pissed it straight on to ground. The pissing started right as the b'stards took tha field and Tor must've kept on drinkn' as he pissed 'cause it lasted all of tha game! Yaar, ain't so common those kinds of long and steady rains this far up tha butt of tha north. Can't say I like those arrogant b'stards but I guess them keeps on getting Tor pissing so they're good for me job!

[Barmution]

Nothing much to add here, really. When you were the one getting the snake eyes in addition to being undermanned, there wasn't much you could do with such an unexperienced team. I still wonder if you were a little too defensive in your choice of inducements, though. Eldril and a Wizard would probably have served you at least as well as your extra re-rolls and apos, but I totally understand that you want to protect a fledgling High Elf team like that. Happy to see that your Blitzer got MVP at least.

All the best and better luck to you from here on!
-Barm

PS. You should ask Kvasilad to put some notes to those lyrics, he's quite competent with the axe!

[Luiggi]

My orcs are still dizzy and have been very disappointing this season. They could not score against a rookie norse team, neither could they deal significant damage, thus being outnumbered most of the game. There were two key plays that could have earned a touchdown for each team, but both failed at the 3+ roll and the game finished with a scoreless draw.

Well played, Gnaarl, and good luck with your next game for the title.

[Gnaarkill]

My orcs are still dizzy and have been very disappointing this season. They could not score against a rookie norse team, neither could they deal significant damage, thus being outnumbered most of the game. There were two key plays that could have earned a touchdown for each team, but both failed at the 3+ roll and the game finished with a scoreless draw.

Well played, Gnaarl, and good luck with your next game for the title.

Yes, it was a very tight match though and my manly vikings stood up for a good brawl, managing to knock out some big orcs. And as Luiggi said, both teams had a chance to score a TD but were unsuccessfull. Both team tried to hold the game tight and the leaving very few openings. Unsurprisingly the game ended with a goalless draw.

Thank you for a good match Luiggi! I hope your orcs will sniff some strong warpstone scent or something to be more bloodthirsty and get some better smiths to smith their armour to prove themselves they really are orcs and not goblins  ;)
I will try to tell my vikings not to think that they are elves and stop jumping around hurting themselves like little girls in high heels with little pink purses in their hands ;)

/Gnaarkill

[The Golden Arrow]

I just played a very... strange... game against Kvasilad. First he couldn't deploy his chaos warrior who ended up near his end zone instead having to run for a few turns to get to the action. That didn't help me much however as I rolled three straight ones during my next two turns meaning that he could run the ball in easily and my blodge blitzer tripped and fell injuring himself. Luckily elves have good money to hire the best apos and he could come back to the game almost right away. Having used the apo turn two I thought I was going to get murdered, that was not the case though as you'll see...

My next drive I used my last reroll right away, I think it was on a double skull on my first block of the turn. The game then went into the mode of me running around and hitting a few guys and trying to dodge away (sometimes the elves even managed to dodge without falling!). Without a reroll I had a hard time finding a good enough opening to go for it, but my turn six I had a good shot at it and I was getting a bit stressed with the turns ticking in and didn't think I'd get a better shot. My thrower was tagged by a beast however and needed to make a dodge to throw the ball, which he obviously failed and stunned himself with the ball falling back right at the feet of the beastman. He then picked it up and run away towards my goal. I could just get a one die blitz on him and failed to get him down. He could then easily blitz and push me away and run the ball in for a 2-0 goal.

Next half I got a perfect defence and was getting a bit pesimistic... He didn't put his guys too bad however (I think I had a better scoring chanse after the PD) and I managed to run a few guys through (had to use a reroll again though thanks to a double skull) and one catchers was only tagged by a single chaos warrior who i could blitz away and throw -> hand off to the catcher for the TD.

So I was right back to defending, I needed to somehow steal the ball and score against a chaos team that didn't need to score (and hadn't used a single reroll the whole game). I got a good shallow kick but he got high kick so could place his beast right under it. He caged up, but if I blitzed a beast down (had to knock it down) I could tag the ballcarrier with several players that were not in any other chaos players tackle zones so he'd need to at least dodge with the ballcarrier which gave me a chance. I failed though and he could cage up a bit back. Next turn my first block was double skulls again and I got a TO almost right away letting him run the ball down quite safely. I didn't manage to even threaten the ballcarrier, but instead started beating the chaos team up. I was very successful for the first time in the game and injured 3 players (for a total of 4-0 in cas to me with a loner that got injured earlier, if you  don't count my guy who tripped). He scored though setting the game to a 3-1 win for him. Somehow I thought the opposite would have been more likely ;)

Anyway thanks for the game and good luck in the play offs against those annoying dark elves.

[Barmution]

Anyway thanks for the game and good luck in the play offs against those annoying dark elves.

If I understand the seeding system correctly, Staffan would have to lose by 2 or more TDs for you not to get matched up against me if I win or draw against Gnaarkill on tuesday... Doesn't mean kvasilad won't encounter the DSS in play-offs, though, it just means that my Druchii get another racial grudge match earlier than expected ;D

[The Golden Arrow]

Hm, I thought it was just a 4 player, but you're right, it seems everyone's in it. That makes me much more happy about my situation, it will be awesome playing against you :)

Hatematches ftw...

[Barmution]

To be honest, I'll just be relieved if I can get away without having to face those brutal dorfs of Staffans  ::)

[tags]

Thanks for the game, Arrow!

It was a strange match indeed. I'll admit to being more than a little lucky, but I'm also quite happy with my tactical choices throughout most of the match (despite a few blunders, of course :) ). I usually have a alot of trouble facing agile teams, but no doubt your dodge criticals helped me out a bunch.

You're probably right in that I used my PD poorly, overestimating how heavily invested you were in your right flank, leaving too little to defend the left.

It seems like Nuffle saw fit to offset your poor luck in dodging early with your incredibly evil streak of armour/injury rolls in the last couple of turns of the game, turning the taste of victory slightly more bitter in my mouth. It'll be a challenging cup match for me to be sure, with only 8 out of 11 in my roster able-bodied and ready to play.

Typical bashy elves, always beating on poor, defenceless chaos teams. ;)

PS: Has Cyanide given any word on when/if they'll fix the mystical disappearing players during setup? It's happened to me an alarming number of times now.