Norsca Union League

The night before the match between the CRUNCH MASTERS VS GENTLEMEN WOLF-WHISTLERS:
...
- Who, you dear sir, are calling a furry fleebag I may enquire?
- Ur dog u brink here u big snotnose!
- Oh, you must mean my friend mr. Geri the Greedy. He is our star scorer. I must introduce myself, I'm mr. Orson from the Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers, club for gentlemen of whistling persuasion and afondness for red-dressed blondes. I understand we'll be playing an orc team with the name of Crunch Masters tomorrow. Have I understood correctly, that you dear sir are the captain of the team in question?
- Whaa?
- Oh, I see. Yes, we Crunch Masters play tomorrow. You the captain?
- Me da captain! We crunch you!
- Yes, our analysis of the situation corresponds with your assesment. But enough of the match analysis, we really just popped in to ask your opinion of that lovely goddess thay call Lady Luck. Have you heard of her?
- No ladies here. No gods but Gork and Mork! Gork strong! Mork brainy!
- Yes, so if I understood you correctly you don't approve of Lady Luck?
- No know lucky lady. Only Gork and Mork!
- Yes, it is rumored that Lady Luck is very beautiful, much like the loveliest elf maidens.
- Elfs r ugly! Funny color, no nice fangs and too skinny!
- So you're saying that Lady Luck is ugly?
- Must be if look like pointy ears! HA! HAA! Your lady is ugly!
- Excuse me, I was a bit distracted. Could you repeat what you just said? And whom were you talking about again?
- Your lady lucky, she ugly!
- So in your opinion the lovely and wise goddess Lady Luck, who according to rumours is very elven-like but more beutiful than any of the elfs, is not to your liking? Might you even suggest that she is a tramp and a harlot?
- The ugly lady is a tramp! You strangers go into the night now! Our bar, my way! We crush you tomorrow!
- Well, I must Bid You Adieu then. See you tomorrow, ta-ta! Come now mr. Greedy, you can let go of that fellow now.
...
- Do you think this did the trick mr. Orson?
- We can only hope so mr. Greedy. You did remember I flaunted Lady Luck's beauty all the way here. She is so vain, that she must've kept on listening. Those orcs won't be having any of her favours tomorrow if she heard them!
- Ahem, mr. Orson, you probably just joked about the beautiful Lady Luck being vain, right? I mean, how could the most beautiful goddess in all the world be vain because there is no one to rival her in beauty!
- ... damn. YES! You're right mr. Greedy, I was just joking. Who would dream of calling such a sight of splendour and adornment anything but the most perfect beauty in all the known exsistance!
...
- I really hope you didn't ruin it, mr. Orson.
- Me too, mr. Greedy. Otherwise we'll get our sitting parts handed to us tomorrow.

---------------

And the match between the Crunch Masters and Gentlement Wolf-Whistlers ended in 1-0 victory for the W-W. Either the above scenario occurred or Nuffle and Lady Luck were out drinking together, because Paspawn seemed to fail every dodge roll and both of us had smaller and larger skulls showing up on our block dice frequently. Paspawn was finally the more unlucky of the two of us as I actually had even a few succesful one die blocks. "Interesting" game with both teams just trying to survive the bad diece at the end of second half.

WEEK 3 RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 4 SPECULATIONS

- WELCOME you mere mortals to the Baron Spotlight!
- Baron! This is Blood Sports Spotlight! Your favorite magicast about Norsca Union League and I'm your host Gron Grumbundy!
- I think we agreed on you being an assistant host Gron.
- And with me today Baron Puffly Kissycheeks...
- I think we also went through that one, Baron will do. Have your puny brains already forgotten everything?
- ...and a special surprise guest later!
- Really? I wasn't told about that one. Is it someone ...tasty?
- Oh, I think we'll have some tasty moments on today's podcast! But let us move on! Week 3 games of NUL have been played, so it is now the time to take a look at the results. We already told you about the early game between the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and Bloody Gorers last week. Now I would just want to confirm if you had anything to do with the injury of the DSS's Eviscareting Evilyn... Puffly?
- THAT'LL DO! YOU CALL ME BARON OF FACE MY WRATH!
- All right Baron, no need to be so dramatic about it. Nippy! Get Baron some warm red stuff from the cooler. Oh, and tell me as soon as our ...special... guest arrives. Sorry Baron, please have some wine as an apology. But as we mere mortals are really interested about you high and mighty types, could you please answer my question?
- Oh, that's from vintage Blood Valley grapes, very nice. Well Gron, about the dark elf maiden you queried about. You must realize that gentleman never tells how he swoops in to stadium just before the game, sweeps the lady off her feet, kisses her passionately until she goes all limp and pale ...due to passion of course... and I'm a gentleman so you won't catch me suck... kissing and telling.
- Interesting. Well, let us continue with the results. The other elf team in NUL, Shining Sins hosted Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. The necro team won the game with 2 touchdowns and 2 casualties versus 1 touchdown and no casualties from the Sins. Reports tell us that it was the knock down efficiency of the Wolf-Whistlers that helped them edge this tight game. Do you have any insight on this game Baron PS?
- It's no wonder that the Whistlers won, those two fleabags they have probably mistook those skinny elfs as bony ...snacks. You know that's one of the reasons why necro teams don't use skeletons as linemen Gron, they wouldn't survive even one team lunch.
- Interesting. Well from tall and skinny to short and stubby. There are two dwarf teams in NUL, Midget Stuntmen and BuzcaBass. Both of them played a 1-1 tie. Stuntmen against the Orkitis B.C. and BuzcaBass against the Dragon Trainers. Similar results but very different games, the one between the orcs and the dwarfs was a game tight defenses and few knock downs, both touchdowns were scored on final minutes of the halfs by the defending team. The norse match on the other hand saw dwarfs winning knock downs whoppingly 19 to 4. Any idea what happened here Baron?
- From what I hear, the crowd at the norse versus dwarfs game was really restless due to shortage of beer. There's a rumor flying around that the Trainers challenged the BuzcaBass team to beer chugging contest just before the match. So that might explain something. As to orcs and dwarfs, the former have a thick skin and the latter a thick skull, so it's no surprise they played it tight.
- Yes Baron, I believe the orcish Skullcrackers Institute listed challenging a dwarf to drinking contest as the second worst idea ever in their list of Not So Good Ideas. It just barely lost to refereeing a Blood Bowl match between hungry ogre and troll teams if you're a chicken whose just taken a bath in marinade, so that should tell you something. And speaking of ogres, let's move on to the game between chaos side Disorganized Dudes and the ogre team Fasta  Stronga Betta.  The result was a surprisingly large 3-0 victory for the ogres. To my understanding the result was likely due to butterfingered ball handling during the ball pick-ups.
- Do you know Gron that the biggest reason why halfling teams don't do well in Blood Bowl isn't their size but the fact that they're eating fatty food all the time and they don't wipe their fingers after snacking? Makes it ...challenging... to hold on to the ball. I suspect that the chaos team similarly forgot to wipe their fingers after their pre-game ritual. Blood really can be just as slippery as fat ...especially if they used halflings in the ritual.
- Other reason for the Dudes performance probably was that they lost two of their beastie boys to casualties and the pair will also miss the Dudes next game. FSB suffered 5 casualties but that is to be expected with snotlings. Well, there's only one week 3 game left to talk about, and that's the orkish Crunch Masters versus the skaven Space Cheese. Crunch Masters lived up to their name by scoring both of their 2 TDs near the crunch time at the ends of the halves. Cheese chasers just couldn't match the physical strength of the orcs who seemed to toss the rats around at their will.
- Well Gron, personally I don't believe the stories that the orcs would've buried some cheese under the field to distract the rats. But the Space Cheese may have suffered from some kind of curse. Nothing else can explain their ...unfortunate... blocking efforts.
- Well those were the results. After third week Orkitis B.C. and BuzcaBass lead the league with 7 points. Druchii Smuchii Schmoo and Gentlement Wolf-Whistlers are nipping on the lead duo's heels with 6 points. But nothing is yet decided, this is Blood Bowl we're talking about and there are plenty of games ahead.
- Mr. Gron, she's here!
- All righty! Just got a word from the trusty Nippy that our special guest will be arriving soon!
- Ahh, the delicious smelling coffee boy, there he is. I really must ...catch up him... someday and take him to ...lunch.
- Oh, I doubt you'll be doing that Kissycheeks. I might even put my ...stake... on it.
- WHAT! Didn't I already warn you, you insolent little man!
- Calm down now Puffy or you'll hurt yourself!
- THAT'S IT, NOW YOU'RE GOING....
- AND without further ado, let's bring out our special guest for tonight! She's none other than the famed amazon star player extra-ordinaire, the she-cat of the jungle, ZARA THE SLAYER!
- Zara the...
- Yes Puffy my friend, I took the liberty of inviting Zara and those lovely little stakes she carries around everywhere she goes, you know the ones, those blessed by the virgin priestesses of the Order of Ill Repute. She was very eager to agree to visit our humble little magicast when she heard that some bothersome vampiric pest had taken a nest here.
- There you are you vile abomination! You'll taste the wrath of my righteousness!
- Oh there you are Zara! Nice to have you here. You haven't met Baron Puffy Kissycheeks, have you?
- *POOFizzle* *POOFizzle* WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? KEEP THOSE STAKES AWAY FROM ME YOU HARLOT!
- Oh, Puffy, if you're wondering about the sudden ...difficulties... in your teleportation abilities, that might have something to do with the wine you just had. Got it from the coach of the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. He said that it was especially ...blessed... by higher ...or maybe in this case lower... forces that he's closely acquainted with. He also told me to tell you that nobody messes with his players without getting his dues.
- You, you... *POOFizzle* I'll... NO, NOT THE FACE!  AARGGHH!!
- They'll call you Buffy Tearycheeks when I'm through with you, you dirty bag of dust! Or my name isn't Zara the Slayer!
- I'd run if I was you Puffy Kissypissy. You must remember the famous game between the amazonian Fang Busters and vampiric Maiden Deflowerers where Zara single-handedly took down the front line of the Deflowerers with one blitz. I've never before seen her live, but I must admit she seems just as good as they say.
- I'll get you, mark my words Gron, I'l... AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh hhh hhh.....
- Well folks, looks like both of our guests had to leave sooner than expected, so I'll once again have to rely on the help of our numbers guy, Gall'p Keines to analyze the week 4 matches in NUL. Get in here Gall'p!
- Thank's mr. Grumbundy, you know that against vampires Zara normally has only a 0,333337 chance of...
- Yes, isn't she something! Really a star-player if I ever saw one! Well', let's take a look at the matchups! First up is the Midget Stuntmen versus Space Cheese. Tough, tough game for the skaven, wouldn't you say so Gall'p?
- You're right mr. Grumbundy, the tackling skills of the dwarfs takes away the natural dodge abilities of the skaven runners which gives the dwarfs a statistically quite high 50 per cent chance to...
- Just say yes, no need to bring your numbers into this. Well, as I see it, Space Cheese will have to rely on their speed once again if they are to survive, while the Stuntmen really should want to make the game as physical as possible. The second game listed is the one with the top team Orkitis B.C. hosting Fasta Stronga Betta. FSB really is the only team in the league that can boast to have a strength advantage over the orcs and they also have roster almost stock full of expenda... snotlings I mean. Should be an interesting game, like the matchups with ogre teams tend to be!
- Yes mr. Grumbundy, one of the reasons is probably that on average the ogres get sidetracked on every sixth physical activity they perform and....
- So you're saying they're stupid as doornails. You're getting better Gall'p! Onwards! The other orc team Crunch Masters will also play home, they'll get a visit from the wolf-whistling necro team. One of the toughest games to predict, this will probably be a physical game with little bravado. This should be an old-fashioned good and honest elbow to the ribs and stomp on the foot game of Blood Bowl!
- Actually the orcs are quite balanc...
- Balanced act of green and mean is probably the expression you're looking for! Yes I know. Let's move on fast, we're running out of time. Fourth matchup is the Disorganised Dudes versus BuscaBazz. As mentioned, the chaos side will be missing two beastmen and facing a horde of block and beer loving bastards. Lot will depend on the chaos warriors keeping the short ones occupied.
- Yes, the dwarfs need three men versus one warrior to increase their chance of success from the 33 per cent...
- So you're saying they'll probably gang up on the strength guys of the chaos? You really should learn to phrase yourself better Gall'p. Well, the final two remaining matches are the Shining Sins versus Bloody Gorers and Dragon Trainers versus Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. Or a skill team versus a physical team and two block-heavy teams fighting a war of attrition. Should be interesting ones but unfortunately we don't have time for a more detailed analysis right now, as we're running out of time. We'll be with you next week to recap all the games! I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you spectacularly pleasant Blood Bowling experiences! Have a week!

Quote from: Paspawn on December 20, 2011, 08:48:47 AM
If it is not late to schedule for today (Tuesday), 18:00 GMT+1 sounds fine to me. If it is, Tomorrow 19:00 would come in handy

No it's not too late. Today at 18 is fine with me, so see you then!

Hi Paspawn. Here are my OK starting times for this week (CET/GMT+1):
Tuesday 17-20
Wednesday 19-21
Thursday 19-22

I'll be away from 23rd to 26th, so if none of those days are OK for you, the next possible day for me will probably be Tuesday the 27th. Let me know if any of those dates suit you, sir.

PLEASE NOTE, that Christmas and New Year are looming ahead, so week 4 will be extended. Final deadline for match day 4 games is January 1st.

Week 5 will begin as soon as week 4 games are finished, so the earlier the games get played, the earlier the new week will start. Week 5 will finish on normal time on Monday, the 9th of January. So basically we have scheduled three weeks for the next two match days.

Minutes of the general meeting of registered association Gentleman Wolf-Whistlers (referred to as the association in the minutes for purpose of clarity)
at Shining Sins Stadium, locker room B (visitor's locker room)

Members:
Present: Geri the Greedy, Freki the Hungry, Droopy Avery, Tex Wolfe, Teddy, Orson, Hercule, Sherlock, Arsene, Moriarty, Auric
Absent: Auguste
With majority of the members present, the meeting was noted to have quarum.
Others present: The association's recident physician, the noted doctor of necromancy, Mr. Coach Trainer.

Proceedings:
- The association's weekly meeting was called to order at 5.15 pm. by Mr. Teddy.
- Doctor Moriarty was chosen as the chairman of the meeting.
- Chairman opened the meeting with an inspired wolf-whistle performed standing on his hands.
- Chairman's hands were sown back on by Mr. Trainer
- It was noted that Inspector Auguste's missing muscle tissue from his lower back had not been returned which was the reason for his absense.
- Chairman introduced the new member of Association's, Mr. Tex Wolfe. Mr. Wolfe performed the traditional initiation wolf-whistle while wearing a red dress and a blonde wig.
- It was discussed why meeting was once again held at a strange venue and not in Association's club house. Mr. Orson noted that the Association's schedule of physical activities included seven away meetings and only four home meetings. The Association agreed to file a formal complaint about this to the NUL league association responsible for organising Association's meetings.
- It was noted that there had been no responses on previous two complaints made by the Association. Association agreed to make a formal complaint about this.
- Mr. Coach Trainer noted that association should be starting the physical activity part of the meeting, so the meeting was moved into the field of the Shining Sin's stadium.
- The Association's members noted that the crowd consisted numerous whistle-worthy elven maidens of blonde persuasion. The Association quicky agreed to change the complaint about away meetings into a petition to hold every future meeting of the Association at the Shining Sins stadium.
- The Association lost the coin toss, but were given the chance of receiving the ball. Mr. Freki the Hungry picked up the ball and advanced along the right flank until Mr. Horthion the Belligrent from the opposing association blocked Mr. Freki down while he was eying an extra-ordinarily beautiful blonde speciment in the stands.
- Mr. Orson was given an official recognition of killing a member of opposing association.
- Doctor Moriarty was given an official reprimend due to him advising the opposing association's apotechary on the elven anatomy which resulted in the mentioned apotechary reviving the dead member of the opposing association.
- Mr. Droopy Avery picked up the ball that had been bouncing on the ground and continued Association's advance on the right flank.
- Mr. Droopy Avery scored a touchdown.
- Opposing association received the ball from the kick-off and made a succesfull pass but were then prevented from scoring before the first half ended.
- During the half time the Association which side of the stands had most attractive looking females of blondish persuasion. After a vote, the title was given to stands beside the left flank by a vote of 9 to 1 with one member (Mr. Geri the Greedy) abstaining as he felt both flanks were equally attractive.
- Opposing association received the ball from the kick-off, picked up the ball, threw the ball, caught the ball, ran through the Association right flank and scored touchdown while most of the Association's members were standing beside the left flank.
- The Association lined up to attack formation to receive the ball and were given the possession of the ball when it bounced from the head of Mr. Auric to the opposing association's side of the field.
- Mr. Auric was congratulated on clever use of his head.
- Ball was given to mr. Geri the Greedy who decided to remain stationary on the middle of the field because he still couldn't decide which flank to go for.
- Mr. Geri the Greedy was marked by two members of the opposing association which resulted in mr. Greedy deciding that the left flank had more attractive crowd, so he knocked one of the markers down and started a run to the left.
- Mr. Greedy changed his mind and ran to the right flank.
- Mr. Greedy changed his mind and ran to the left flank.
- Mr. Greedy noticed that the crowd behind the opposing association's goal zone was extremly attractive and mainly of blonde and red-dressed persuasion so he decided to run to the goal zone and score a touchdown just as the physical activity ended.
- The meeting of the association was closed with a tradional group wolf-whistle.


-----------
RL comments:
The block dice were quite lopsided today, as I succeeded in almost every block while Oller mainly had to settle for pushbacks. The game was still quite tight as Oller played a flawles game but unfortunately Nuffle didn't favor him today and I also had the advantage of numbers most of the game. The defensive game of the elfs was especially good, I didn't get any chances for fast scoring and had to use two go-for-its for the winning TD at the end of the second half. Nice and tight game that could've been very different if Oller had had even a normal block dice ratio.

All-righty Oller, looks like I could play tomorrow, Friday, starting 17-19, (earlier would the better). Let me know if that's OK for you. If not, it'll have to be Sunday (let me know if 16 is ok in that case).

Quote from: Oller on December 13, 2011, 11:00:43 PM
En jaksa keskittyä englannin vääntämiseen atm niin soperran tässä suomeksi. Perjantai oon vapaa koko päivän ja sunnuntaina kolmen jälkeen. Torstai onnistuu, jos en mene istumaan iltaa teatteriharjoituksien jälkeen, joka taasen loppuu yhdeksän tienoilla.

Eli käytännössä joko perjantai millon vaan, torstai klo 21:15 tai sunnuntaina klo 15 jälkeen.

OK, I'll let you know sometime during friday if friday evening is possible. Otherwise let's aim for sunday 16.00.

Quote from: Oller on December 10, 2011, 10:17:21 AM
Shall we say Tuesday 19:00 CET then?

Yo Oller, I'm online right now. I can wait about an hour or so (have to leave little after 21 Finnish time).

OK, have to go now. Let me know a new time suitable for you. Here are my OK starting times (and sorry for not noticing that you're also from Finland, so all the times are now Finnish time or EET, UTC+2, GMT+2):
Thursday 18-22
Sunday any time before 20

Friday could also be possible, but I'm not sure yet. Saattaa olla säpinää tiedossa, mutta jos ei ole niin joskus kasin jälkeen käy.

Well Barm, I have to thank you for the inspiration for this and next week's running plot, so thank you for your comments!

It might just be that Baron has bitten off more than he can chew, stay tuned for next week ;)

Minutes of the general meeting of registered association Gentleman Wolf-Whistlers (referred to as the association in the minutes for purpose of clarity)
at BuzcaBass stadium, locker room B (visitor's locker room)

Members:
Present: Geri the Greedy, Freki the Hungry, Droopy Avery, Teddy, Orson, Hercule, Sherlock, Auguste, Arsene, Moriarty, Auric
As no one was absent, the meeting was noted to have quarum.
Others present: The association's recident physician, the noted doctor of necromancy, Mr. Coach Trainer.

Proceedings:
- The association's weekly meeting was called to order at 6.45 pm. by Mr. Teddy.
- Mr. Teddy was chosen as the chairman of the meeting.
- Mr. Teddy opened the meeting with a traditional thundering wolf-whistle.
- The minutes of the previous meeting were presented and accepted.
- Chairman Teddy suggested that formal complaint should be made of the height of the BuzcaBass stadium's locker rooms as the Association's taller players had to hunch to avoid hitting the ceiling. The suggestion was unanimously accepted.
- Mr. Sherlock noted that the opponent in the physical activity part of weeks meeting wore red uniforms and had quite many blonde players so the association's members should take this into account.
- Mr. Coach Trainer noted that association should be starting the physical activity part of the meeting, so the meeting was moved into the field of the BuzcaBass Stadium.
- The Association won the coin toss and chose to receive the ball first. The members of opposing association kicked the ball out of bounds so the ball was given to Mr. Droopy Avery.
- The Association moved the ball to center line where it was held until Mr. Auguste stumbled onto the beard of the opposing association's player while trying to block him and fell down.
- Mr. Orson and Mr. Moriarty were given official warnings as they allowed themselves to be knocked out.
- Mr. Droopy Avery was fiven an official warning as he fell down during his own block and lost the ball.
- The Association was forced to defend the positions as the opposing association got hold of the ball. This succeeded reasonably well until Mr. Auric was knocked out and Mr. Auguste seriously injured.
- The opposing association ran for a touchdown through the hole in the left flank of the Association.
- After a brief kick-off the the first half of the physical activity ended with the opposing association leading 1 to 0.
- During the half time it was noted that the seriously injured Mr. Auguste was missing a part of his lower back. The Association decided to inform the stadium officials of this so that the missing muscle tissue would be returned to Association and sown back on if it was found after the match.
- At the start of the second half, the association lined up to defencive formation with all 10 members present and Mr. Auguste absent. The opposing association was also noted to have 10 members present.
- The Association started pushing stalled the opposing association's attack onto line of scrimmage.
- Mr. Geri the Greedy presented the Association a new version of his famous vertical windpipe Wolf-Whistle after seriously injuring opposing association's runner who was carrying the ball.
- After bouncing the ball and various members of both associations around, the ball was finally picked up by Mr. Freki the Hungry.
- Mr. Freki the Hungry stumbled onto empty bear keg on the field while trying to secure a safe position for the ball and fell down.
- The ball was bounced around by both assoaciations before Freki the Hungry secured it.
- Mr. Freki the Hungry spotted a blonde red-dressed female in the stands just as he was about the to throw the ball to Mr. Geri the Greedy. The ball dropped onto Mr. Freki's feet.
- The physical activity part of the week's meeting ended and the opposing association was declared the winner by the score of 0 to 1 in touchdowns and 1 to 3 in casualties.
- The meeting of the association was closed with a tradional group wolf-whistle.


-----------
RL comments:
Beuneri already summed up the game nicely and accurately. I had to use all my 3 rerolls during the first 3 turns and the reroll on the third turn didn't help as my wight went down with the ball. Dwarfs made use of their block skill and knocked out my blockless zombies in rapid succession. I managed to keep the dwarfs advancing but a nice handoff+run+pass+run+GFI combination by Beuneri got him the touchdown at the end of first half. Second half was lot tighter, I managed to stall Beuneri's attack and surprise his ball-carrier from the rear with my wolves. My other wolf got the ball but fell down due to rerolled double 1s while going for it. Beuneri's next GFI attempt ended up with the same result and from then on it seemed that every ball handling dice failed. At the final moments a roll of 2 would've been enough to get the ball close to my other wolf deep in Beuneri's zone but the roll came up with 1 and that was basically the game. Exciting and fair game with both of us having our difficulties with the dice, good game from Beuneri.

I'll be in Boston all of the April 2012 and I'm not yet sure if I'll be able to play from there, so it may be that I may have to skip the season 6.

I'll have to test if my laptop can handle BB. If it does that, I'll consider starting the season as I know that I'll have an Internet connection available in the States. However, I don't know how fast the connection will be and if I'm able to do the nescessary port forwards so there's a risk that I'll have to drop out in the middle of the season.

...so basically I'm not yet sure about season 6. Would like to continue but there are uncertainties. We'll have to see later.

Quote from: Oller on December 10, 2011, 10:17:21 AM
Shall we say Tuesday 19:00 CET then?

That's a date, see you then!

WEEK 2 RESULTS REVIEW WITH WEEK 3 SPECULATIONS

- Welcome everyone to Blood Sports Spotlight - THE place to get your information on NUL! That's Norsca Union League for our new listeners and I'm your host Gron Grumbundy! Today we'll talk about the results of the week 2 games and take sneak peak to the week 3 games. With me today is none other than...
- THE MIGHTY BARON IS HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU!
- ...Baron Kissycheeks? I mean just BARON, no kissy! Erm, Baron, I thought you were only booked as one-off specialist for our opening extravaganza and we'd have the elven star player Ajatar I'anikuinen here today?
- Oh, you mean the ...very pale... she-elf I just met at the dressing room. She won't be able to make, I'm quite sure about that, she looked quite ...exhausted. So, I just so much fun last time that I wanted to keep on doing this magicast. I'm sure my new show will be quite successful.
- Your show?! But I'm the host and...
- Ahh, if you're the host, I do believe that is the duty of the host to ...feed... his guests. You wouldn't happen to have a couple of pints of extra blood ...on you... if you truly are the host of this magnificent event?
- AS I was saying, this is Blood Sports Spotlight with your hosts Baron and Gron Grumbundy!
- Ahem...
- ...with your host Baron and co-host Gron Grumbundy!
- Ahem...
- ...with your host Baron and assistant host Gron Grumbundy!
- I guess that'll do, although it might be that I really should you make my thrall later. Would make things go much ...smoother. On with the show Gron!
- All right... Let's start with last week's results. After week two the top of the standings are occupied by green and short teams with the orkish Orkitis B.C. and the dwarfen BuzcaBass in the lead with two victories from two matches. The Orkitis are in lead with an amazing touchdown differential of +4! Baron, what's your take on this?
- Not surprising, both the orcs and dwarfs are races that have lots of specialist players available even on the rookie levels. So their teams generally do well right from the start.
- Orkitis B.K. beat the norse Dragon Trainers in their second match. And when I said beat, I really mean they beat up the norse! Orkitis scored 2 touchdowns and a whopping 4 casualties! One of casualties was that of a permanent sort with the linenorse Snotlout set out to sea in flaming longboat after the match.
- Yes, it seems that the orkish coach has a good eye for reinforcements. I believe it was the freebooted lineorc Marmar who made the lethal block.
- Right you are Baron...
- Of course I am, and extremely handsome too.
- ...As you say... Well, Dragon Trainers will be seriously undermanned in their next match as also their werewolf Stoick the Vast suffered an injury that'll keep him from the next game, pinched nerve as I hear.
- The nerve of those werewolves! HAHA!. Loathsome beings those werewolfs. I've never liked food that tries to bite back. Well, onwards Gron, to the next match!
- Why thank you Baron... Yes, the other top team BuzcaBass hosted the necromantic Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers in a tight game that ended 1-0 for the dwarfs. Dwarfs also won the casualties 3 to 1 but the difference in this match seemed to be the knock-outs. BuzcaBass KO'd necros 5 times against the Wolf-Whistlers one KO against the short and bearded.
- It's so hard to block a dwarf. First of all, you have to figure out if the dwarf player is already knocked down or if he's standing. Some of those buggers are just about as tall lying down as they're standing up.
- Well, both teams suffered injuries that won't be playing in the next match. Wolf-Whistlers probably won't cry over zombie Auguste missing the next game.
- Although I believe his injury also resulted in losing some of his armor, seems that some of the muscle tissue from his lower back has not regenerated back. It's really curious, but I don't think you really should believe in the rumors that the dwarf runner who injured Auguste ...Harquas I believe..., has developed somewhat of an ...unusual... liking to zombie stakes and might've grabbed ...a piece... Auguste.
- Oh, that can't be true Baron. I know Harquas, I just attended a barbeque party he had after their last match, really a nice chap. And the hamburgers he made were really delicious, the meat was really tenderized and... MAKE WAY!
- Where you're going Gron? Oh, to the loo, must be one of those bowel movement issues that you lesser races suffer from. We'll, It seems I must again carry the show. Yes, the dwarfs on the other hand will probably miss their runner Destoral, who suffered a niggling injury. And as BuzcaBass wisely hired an apothecary after the match, they don't have enough cash at hand to hire any new players, so they'll go freebooting. Oh, you're back Gron.
- Ahem... Yes. All righty, let's move down in the standings. The third and fourth places were earned with 4 points, that is one victory and one tied game. And the teams that hold these places are the chaos team Disorganized Dudes and the dwarfish Midget Stuntmen. They both won their first matches and then at the second week they tied 1-1 against each other. The game was extremely tight and I believe the Disorganized Dudes secured the tie with a spectacular last minute passing play! Both teams also suffered from acute cases of deaths.
- Yes, the Dudes' Erratic Eric made a nice block against Karlok the blitzer that resulted in Karlok's body parts getting into quite a ...chaotic... order. Bryn Dok-Troll on the other hand was responsible for the death of Shiey Pelt. Although to my understanding Bryn merely evaded Shiey Pelt's blitz and Pelt impaled himself with his own horns. That's quite an ...agile... feat for a beastman.
- Moving on in the standings. Teams with one victory and one loss occupy the places from fifth to seventh and those teams are Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers whose match we already covered, the skaven Space Cheese and the dark elf team Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. The matchup were the Space Cheese secured their opening win was against the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo. This was an high-scoring affair, touchdowns went 1-3 for the rat folk and casualties were split 3-3.
- Ahh, the Dark Elfs with that enchanting witch elf.
- Well Baron, you're girlfriend didn't too much in that match, I must sa...
- Girlfriend, what do you mean? Explain yourself Gron.
- We'll I talked with the Druchii Smuchii Schmoo's coach in that barbeque party and it seems that the Evelyn the witch elf heard our last magicast and was quite taken with your praises of her...
- Interesting... I probably should... Hmm....
- Well, anyways, about the casualties that the DSS suffered. Niles the Nun Nailsman will find it harder or at least somewhat painful to nail any more nuns as he smashed his hip and will also miss DSS's next match. Simon the Slicer, we'll I guess he was lucky. He was declared dead on the field but the DSS team doctor managed to nurse him back to health but he will be out of the next game and will probably lose some of his strength.
- Enough of this meaningless chatter! I have more ...enchanting... things to do! THRALL! THRALL! COME HERE! You don't happen to know where the dark elf team is residing at the moment Gron?
- I guess, they should be at their stadium preparing for their match against the Gorers... Why isn't that Ajatar I'anikuinen?
- What? No, don't be silly Gron. That's my thrall ...ehmm... ....Ajatar the Bloodless. Thrall Bloodless, you shall sit here and convey to me anything that this man says and say to him everything I order you to say. Do you understand thrall?
- yes master baron, i shall obey you're magnificent powers
- What's going on here Baron?
- I must be off Gron, forgot that I have an ...interesting... appointment. My thrall here shall cover for me. I'll see you next week! **PFOOF**
- **Cough** **cough***. ...Well, If I've known earlier this would happen, I'd have started with that match... Nippy! You can come out from the closet!
- so that's where he was, interesting, quite a fast bugger that coffee-boy
- What did you say Ajatar I'anikuinen?
- i already told you that she ...or i'm... not ajatar i'anikuinen but my ...baron's... thrall. as i said i'll be communicating through her ...me
- ... All right. This is quite normal... Let us continue. Yes... Space Cheese also suffered two casualties that won't be available for their next game. Linerats Puush and You' will be out but the skavens have enough money to replace one of them if they want to. What do you think they'll do Ajat... Baron?
- ...enchanting evelyn... ...yes... what! no! don't say that! only what i order you to... yes... amm... skavens.... they'll probably buy some cheese...
- All right... Well, let's continue down in the standings. Next we have a bunch of teams with one point, that is one tie and one loss under their belts. These are the ogre Fasta Stronga Betta, elfen Shining Sins, orkish Crunch Masters and the chaos Bloody Gorers. These teams earned their one point on the second week in matches against each other. Shining Sins and Crunch Masters played 1 all draw with casualties 2-3 in favor of the orcs. Bloody Gorers and Fasta Stronga Betta also tied 1-1 with Gorers winning the casualties 2 to 1. Any opinions about these matches?
- ...why what lovely blood red eyes you have... what? no this is not working... don't bother me again gron... thrall! you shall cease our connection immediat...
- Baron? Ajatar?
- My master is not present anymore. I have been ordered to return to his domicile and I shall obey. Farewell.
- What? This don't work, I can't go on talking to myself all this time. Gall'p get in here!
- Why thank you mr. Grumbundy, I thought I was supposed to only give my analysis at the end.
- Shut up Gall'p. We'll listeners, here's our stats expert Gall'p Keines who'll be the commentator for the rest of the magicast. We'll Gall'p any opinions on these matches?
- Thank you mr. Grumbundy. After detailed analysis I must say that in the Sins versus Masters match the elfs were very unlucky with their KO recovery while the orcs were very very unlucky with their dodges.
- You're talking nonsense Gall'p, everybody knows that orcs don't dodge and elfs can be knocked out with a feather, there's nothing unlucky in those stats. What was surprising in this match was that the Shining Sins suffered no serious injuries and will have all of their players available for next match while the orcs will be missing two of their players. Crunch Master's thrower Morgzla fractured his arm in a dodge attempt while the orc blitzer Sorhor fractured his leg due to whopping block from the Sins's Fab... Faebll... catcher Tunuviel. All right Gall'p, give something more intelligent from the Gorers and FSB match.
- Well, there's nothing that stands out in this match. The Gorers might have had a bit better luck with their agility efforts but overall everything was quite normal, maybe a bit on the unlucky side for both teams.
- So what you're saying is that ogres are bloody stupid and chaos is just chaotic, everybody already knows that. Looks like I'll have to do the heavy lifting here. Just as the FSB's medical team had to do when they carried the ogre Gurunk Tootache off the field after he fractured his arm. He'll miss the Fasta Stronga Betta's next game, as will the snotling Lizardtooth but nobody probably cares about that one. Bloody Gorers were unharmed, just one badly hurt player. Onwards or downwards I should say in the table. At the bottom we have the norse Dragon Trainers. The team's decision to go into the season without an apothecary has bitten them in the tender areas. As we reported earlier, they lost one their linemen this week and they'll have to go into their next match freebooting two players. We'll at least they now have a team physician.
- Mr. Grumbundy, based on my stats analysis, the Dragon Trainers were extreeeemely unlucky in everything but blocking in their first match and their luck improved only slightly in their second match. So if the norse will get even one match with typical results, they'll probably do a lot better.
- Finally something useful. Trainers' next match will be against the BuzcaBass. I say, this should be a real blockfest. As mentioned, the dwarfs will also have to freeboot a replacement for their runner. Dragon Trainers might be able to attract a couple of Bloodweiser babes or maybe a female physician to assist them in a match as I've understood that babes are quite attracted to norse players uniforms or rather lack of them. Your opinion on this matchup Gall'p?
- Statistically the teams have an even chance in blocking but the dwarfs have the advantage of being quite thick-skulled so they should be able to keep on the field. The biggest advantage that the norse have is their Yhetee.
- You're getting better Gall'p. I agree, the big guys are usually the key players. Let's continue with the other top team. Orkitis B.C. will travel to Midget Stuntmen stadium. The orkish team looks fierce with their already quite experienced blockers. Midget Stuntmen may go to the game with one player short. We'll actually all of their players are short, HAHAHAA! What I meant, they currently only have ten players on their rosters but they would have enough cash for one lineman. But there are rumors that the dwarfs might not hire any new players but would rather rely on their good relationship with the nearby dwarfen school of metallurgy and wizardry to provide them with some fireball assistance.
- They might do that mr. Grumbundy, considering that most of the orkish players are still inexperienced while the dwarfs are masters of blocking.
- Wise words again Gall'p, please keep it up! The third match this week will be Crunch Masters against Space Cheese. Both teams are missing two players, so this promises to be quite interesting. The skavens will have serious strength disadvantage as the orcs will have all of their BOBs playing. What's your take on this match Gall'p?
- There won't be lots of skilled players involved with both teams having their experienced players out. Sputter the gutter runner should be able to go for heroics if he just manages to keep away from the orcs. And as there are only a handful of skilled players, luck or rather unluck with the block will decide a lot as there will be 1 to 3 chance of failing a block without any assists with most of players.
- That's nonsense! Don't start with those stats of yours Gall'p Blood Bowl is a game of skills not luck! It's the game of champions! Or of ogres and chaos as in the fourth match we'll take about where Disorganized Dudes travel to play the Fasta Stronga Betta. Dudes will probably hire a rookie beastman or go freebooting. As is the way with ogre teams, this match will probably have lots of turns and twists.
- Lack of block skill is a major factor also in this game mr. Grumbundy. Snotlings will also have it easy with no tacklers out there.
- Don't try to kid me. Snotlings will never have it easy in the Blood Bowl. They really have to keep an eye on both the opponents and their own ogres or they'll end up being used as stone substitutes. We'll let's take a look at the next match. That would be the Shining Sins versus Gentlemen Wolf-Whistlers. Both teams will have a full rosters of 11 players and Wolf-Whistlers have managed to get a second wight. Do you have anything relevant to say about this matchup Gall'p?
- Well mr. Grumbundy, the elfs have a disadvantage in physical play but their natural agility will give them a major advantage with the ball handling. Both teams should be able to score so lots will depend on injuries.
- Right. Onwards with a surprise. As the second week of NULL ended early the first match of the third week has already been played! The dark elf team Druchii Smuchii Schmoo won 2-1 against the Bloody Gorers. Casualties 2 all but Bloody Goorers lost their beastman Ragettaja due to a whopping block by Lou the Lizard Liquidator. DSS's Eviscareting Evilyn suffered an bad injury, there is no word yet if any biting or pre-game tomfoolery was involved. This result leaves DSS with 6 points and Bloody Gorers with 1 point after the third week. We'll be back next week to see where this will get these two teams standing wise. Now we're out of time so I'll have to bid you all farewell. Tune in next week with the recap all the other matches from week 3. I've been Gron Grumbundy and I wish you bloody good Blood Bowling week! Have a week!

All righty Oller, here are my OK starting times that I'm sure about. All times CET (also known as GMT+1, UTC+1 or Swedish time):

Sunday 11th 13-18 (later times probably also OK, I'll know more later)
Tuesday 17-20
Thursday 17-21

Let me know if any of those suit you, sir. I'm not yet sure about rest of the next week, just that I'm probably busy on Friday but Saturday and Sunday should be OK.